Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Reverb10 - Distraction, focus & awe

Totally behind.  Don't care.  Working at my own pace.  Please forgive.  :)

To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.

December 2 - Writing.  What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

Facebook, gmail chatting, watching TV.  I could definitely eliminate them but their siren song is so loud...  Actually, facebook isn't that much of a time-suck for me; I don't stalk so once I've seen the most recent stuff on my news feed, I'm good.  Chatting is a huge waste of time, but it's a big part of how I keep in touch with people, so it's easy to justify.  I can certianly either sign out of gmail (or ichat) OR turn my icon to "do not disturb" for at least an hour or so every day while I'm writing; I know that'd be a good idea.  I don't really watch much TV, but I live with 4 other people so when I'm in the living room or kitchen, it's usually on.  Some days I'm sick of sitting in my room and some days I want to be a little more social, but I guess I need to tell myself I can go into the living room when I'm done writing.  It'll be my reward.  :)

December 3 - Moment.  Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.  Describe it in vivid detail (textures, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I.  Am.  Terrified.  I'm sitting on the floor surrounded by some of my closest friends & most inspiring artists, a half-empty bag of doritos, and my expectant laptop.  I've committed to facing one of my biggest fears, and I know that soon the attention will turn to me and there will be no more excuses.

Someone reminds the group that I brought in a song, and everyone smiles at me, not understanding my anxiety but showering me with love.  My stomach knots.  I play the song on my laptop, not singing along, and everyone listens.  Then: "why didn't you sing?"  "OK now sing it."  "She needs a band."  Instruments are fetched, unexpectedly, and everyone looks at me, tuned and ready.  My stomach double-knots.  I might throw up.  Deep, shaky breath, and...

I sing.

Johnny comes in on guitar, Jamey comes in on trumpet, Mary starts shaking the crumpled dorito bag like a maracca.  Everyone is humming along, swaying, attempting harmony.  My voice rises above them, floating on their beautiful cacaophany like it was meant for this, like it's been waiting it's whole misused life for this expression of joy.

And suddenly... it's not so scary.

December 4 - Wonder.  How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

By doing things I've never done, never knew I would or could do, never expected to do.  By keeping myself, however difficult, open - really OPEN - to everything that came into my life this year.  By not allowing myself to get bored or jaded or hold on too tightly to how things are "supposed" to be.  By giving myself a break & allowing myself to sit still with no purpose or plan.

Let me know your answers to the Reverb questions!

xo!  n.

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