Holiday Recap

My 2010 Holiday season involved...

A fat cat sneaking under the covers, curling up soft next to my stomach and purring so loud I could hear it through my pillow.

Quality time with one of my favorite people, my momma.

All day Christmas eve cooking - homemade pierogies from my great-grandma's recipie, attempted from scratch for the very first time since she made them.

Giving up on pierogi dough & resorting to wonton wrappers with homemade filling. Still delicious.

Waking up on Christmas morning, looking out the window, and saying "aw it didn't sno-- IT'S SNOWING!!" and watching it flurry for a few hours without sticking.  The closest I've ever gotten to a white Christmas.

Sufjan Stevens & Manheim Steamroller & George Winston & Harry Connick, Jr. carols.

Relaxed laughter with family and a Christmas dinner that involved snoring dogs, bra ornaments, snacking for hours, and everyone feeling happy, thankful and loved.

Lots of movies.

Eleven hours driving down the east coast in snow, slush & ice the day after Christmas.

Singing loud to mom's old-school CDs - Barenaked Ladies & Counting Crows - to keep us from going insane stuck in the car.

Emotional upheaval (but ultimately, in a good way).

My brother dancing with my dad's dog in front of a crackling fire.

Re-exploring the town I grew up in and visiting our old house with new tenants, piecing together our family after big changes, thinking about the future and the past.  Bittersweet but calm.

Tons of sweet tea, cookies, pie, wine, specialty beers, and a homemade salad dressing that involved lots and lots of bacon fat.  Mmmmm...

Gathering around the kitchen to watch my brother's awesome knife skills & cooking talent.  Beautiful food.  Needing to audibly groan with every bite, it's that delicious.

Anticipation & disappointment (people, not things), tears, full-on honesty, acceptance, letting go, moving forward from here.  A resolution of communication.  A fittingly big ending on the last day of the year.

Balloons covering the ceiling, streamers covering the floor, vintage covering me.  Champagne, dirty martinis and the people that always make everything better.

Staying in PJs for hours under blankets, watching the Rose Bowl Parade and playing a ridiculous giggle & fake vomit -inducing game of "would you rather."

Delicious, nutritious & charmed Hoppin' John and wassail for 2011 luck.

"The Office" Clue game,  old-school Monopoly, "Fantastic Mr. Fox," rocky road ice cream and staying up too late, sleeping in too long.

Rainy day laziness, holding hands, free lunch and new friends (including a puppy!) on an almost-24-hour-long date.

All in all, it was an appropriate ending to 2010 and a really wonderful beginning of 2011.  I hope y'all had the same.

I'm back, and I promise that not only will I be writing more often, I also have a big announcement up my sleeve this month, so stay tuned...

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ spending time with people I love on both coasts
~ beginnings
~ silliness & laughter

xo!  n.

5...4...3...2... Happy Heart a Flutter Friday!!

Holey moley, I am not so great at keeping up my blog whilst traveling - especially when it's family time.  I apologize for my week's absence.  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday (I will update you on mine this week) and are celebrating tonight!

I like to sparkle on New Years Eve; there's no better time to rock sequins.  In honor of bright and shiny new 2011, here's a bedazzled Heart a Flutter Friday!

Giselle Silk Clutch by Julia Sherry Designs on Etsy

This is beautiful.  Wintery & simple, with just the right amount of bling, and the perfect size for your camera, phone, card and lip gloss - because what else do you need on NYE?

Peacock Pumps by LaPlumeEthere on Etsy

I'm quite sure I would ruin these immediately, but oh lordy it'd be worth it.  Funnest.  Shoes.  Ever.

Lace & Rhinestone Tattoo Tights by Lalilouche on Etsy

I don't know that I have the legs to wear these, but what an unexpected shine these would bring to that perfect LBD.  And what better time for sparkly tights than while you're cheersing bubbly?

Vintage Rhinestone Bracelet by LilahBelleVintage on Etsy

I am diggin' gold lately, and you'd be sure to feel rich with this on your wrist.  Also, if any bar fights break out, this looks pointy and heavy enough to use as a weapon.

Onyx Black Glass & Rhinestone Drop Earrings by AngelPearls on Etsy

Gor-ge-ous.  I would feel like a glamorous international spy at a cocktail party in the 1950's with these on.  I think they'd improve my small talk skills.  Seriously.

LA Woman Upcycled Vintage Cocktail Ring by TheBlackSwanTheory on Etsy

How FUN is this!!?  And I am an LA woman, so it's totally made for me!  It's like a badge of bling for your hand, or a sparkly curtain for your knuckles.  Also, you can use it to blind people with its shine.

Ball Drop - Gold Cascade Headband by deLoop on Etsy

I look like a 12 year old in headbands, but they look fab on my friend Chick & I know she could rock this one out fo sho.  Maybe it's even rad enough to look good on me, too.  It's like golden fireworks in your hair, but a hell of a lot less painful.

Vegas Baby - Vintage dress by Chloezilla on Etsy

OK let's just talk a second about how insane & diva this dress is.  And about how really, the only time most people can get away with wearing it is on NYE.  I would shimmy and shake all over the place like a flapper; I bet it jangles so wonderfully.

I have had an AMAZING 2010 & am looking forward to an even better 2011.  

Happy & healthy & better than you can ever imagine New Year, everyone!!!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:

~ the awesomeness that was 2010

~ the brilliance that will be 2011

~ holidays with family

~ my big big joyful life!!

xo! n.

What is love?

Is it heart-pounding, spine-tingling, butterflies & stammering; craving someone like an insatiable hunger in the pit of your stomach?

Is it wanting to curl up inside someone, closer than skin, so deeply that they become a part of you and their actions are an extension of your own?

Is it trusting someone with your only, fragile heart, taking walls down block by block and being honest, no matter how hard or how many times you've been hurt?

Is it comfort, feeling accepted as your real full self, warm fuzzies and a soft feeling of prevailing happiness?

Is it laughing with someone, feeling they enrich every experience & simply just wanting them around?

Does it hit you like a lightning bolt, scorching, or does it creep up and around you like a slow-growing vine?

Is there a right person or just a right time?

...don't go getting your panties in a twist, I'm not in love, I've just been thinking about it a lot.  It's the holidays, there are engagement ring commercials all over the dang place, and I'm remembering the last (and only) time I was in love, how dramatic it was, and wondering if I will ever feel like that again or if the next time will be completely different...

What do you think?  Is love the Aha! moment it's depicted as in movies?  Or is is an ebb and flow of feelings?  Those of you in love, did you just know or did it grow over time?  I'm in a listening mood, tell me your story!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ a fat soft kitty
~ coooooooold Christmas weather
~ talking about the elephant  ;)

xo! n.

[photo from weheartit]

20SB Blog Swap!

I participated (a little late) in the 20 Something Bloggers 2010 Blog Swap & got paired with the lovely Linda!  Below is her guest post, and mine is on her blog,  I'm a Big Girl, I can Handle It.  Enjoy!

Action: What will you do next year that you’ve been putting off for too long!?!?
Since this is an article for the 20 Something Bloggers (20SB) blog swap, and this post is currently on Nikki's blog, I will introduce myself. 

My name is Linda and I am a 23yr old black African lesbian...living in London. I just finished uni and I am currently searching for a graduate job...my blog is pretty much my online diary...it tells a story about my life as it happens...it tells a story about me and topics I am passionate about...things that make me happy...and things that don't...it shows how much of a contradiction I am sometimes!!
So now I’ll stop blabbing about me...and get right on to the topic at hand...what will I do next year that I have been putting off for too long!?!?

Now I hope I don't sound too cliché...but something I have been putting off for too long is losing weight...and keeping it off for good!!!
When I came to the UK for my studies, I was a perfect size 12 and now I am somewhere between 16 and 18...no jokes :-(
The weight gain started in my first year of uni...when I became solely responsible for my food...I was the queen of takeaways, fries, pizzas, chocolates, desserts, you name it!
I was in food heaven cause I didn't have anyone hovering over my shoulder...reprimanding me for eating such bad food!
The summer holidays after my first year...I went back home to Nigeria a size 18...and was immediately put on a diet/exercise program by my Dad....I returned for my second year a size 12.
Pity Daddy was not there to count the calories cause by my 3rd year...I was back to size 18...again!
My fourth year of uni was spent working as part of my degree...and I successfully managed to drop to a size 12/14 on my own...by being a gym junkie and calorie counting...
Unfortunately, I still had one year of uni to go...and it all went downhill...yet again!!!!
I finished my first course a size 16...went on to do another masters for one year...and finished that a size 18...and that is where I am at the moment...5years of uni...and 1year working...
i find it funny that whenever I am away from uni I seem to be able to lose weight but reverse is the case when I still have coursework to hand in...I am so sure that being at uni is a major cause of my weight gain because I have lost 10kg since I left in Sept!!!
I used to think it was stress-induced...but the year I spent working was mega-stressful but I lost weight...the life I have at the moment after uni is mega-stressful but I am losing weight...and this is the reason why I am never going back to uni...because it is a danger to my health :-P

Anyway...now I am determined to change my ways...and live a healthy lifestyle...I don't just want to lose weight...I want to be able to run up the stairs without panting...I want to be able to "run" the 2011 race for life...and I particularly want to beat one of my friends top scores on my Wii Fit...after all it is mine :-P
I don't want to be a "fattie" anymore...I don't want the love handles anymore...and I certainly don't want the "chicken wing" arms anymore :-(
I mean absolutely no offence to any full bodied women reading this...I believe that one should settle for the body size that they are comfortable with...if a woman feels good being a size 22...then by all means...that is the size that she should be...but I don't want to be a big girl anymore..I want to be slimmer...and most importantly I want to be healthier!!
I know that I can lose weight...that is not my biggest problem...the main issue is keeping the weight off...I don't want to go through the burden of losing weight and then undoing everything I have laboured for...I am not going to do that again...2011 is going to be different!!!
My plan is to get into a healthy routine...although I really want to lose weight...I want to develop a lifestyle that I can stick to...so I am not going to crash diet...or drink slimming tea...or starve myself...I would rather eat healthy...and exercise...
I want to lose weight the healthy way...and although it might not be the quickest way...I would rather do it this way than any other which would lead me to more weight gain eventually!!
So....that's it...that's my main action for next year...my goal is to be a size 12 by my 24th birthday in July...that gives me seven months to drop three dress sizes...is that unrealistic, do you think!??!
To be honest, I just want to feel better you know...so if I get to a 12...OK :-)...and if not...life goes on...as long as I feel happier and healthier :-D

Hope you all have your actions for next year...I am so excited about mine...I cant wait to lose all this weight...don't worry I'll put "before" and "after" photos for you to see :-)
I have also made my list of resolutions...and although the year is not over...I am already trying to make the much needed changes...
Isn’t it great when a new year is around the corner...I just love it...hope you do too ;-)
OK...I’ll go now...cause I could honestly go on forever...and we don't want that now...do we!?!? :-P 

Happy holidays people...and I hope the new year is all you want it to be!!
Linda xx
I'm a Big Girl I can Handle It
20SB
Twitter

PS....Thank you Nikki for being my first ever blog swap partner :-)
{picture from weheartit}

Reverb10 - Release, create, love

To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.

December 5: Let Go.  What (or whom) did you let go of this year?  Why?

Control.  I've always been an over-achiever and a worrier; I've always had a pretty tight hold on what I expect and how I'm going to get it.  This year taught me that I can't control everything; I've learned I don't even want to control everything because it often turns out SO much better when I just allow things to be what they are.

December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Besides my writing... :)  the last things I made were banners and signs for an event at work; I designed them in Photoshop & then the company printed them & they looked really good.  But the last things I made without prompting from anyone were the art pieces I made for the last Side Work show.  I sculpted wire hearts and made a lotus out of cardboard, newspaper and watercolors - picking only the positive, celebratory newspaper articles (which are really hard to find).  They all sold, which was such a great feeling.  I would like to do more projects like that; I always have a million crafty ideas, and I'm pretty good at executing them, but I don't put it at the top of my priority list, generally.  I would definitley like to carve out more time for creating physical, beautiful things, because it gives me an instant feeling of achievement.

December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

The Stratejoy community has been THE most amazing, unexpected support group for me this year.  To those of y'all that found me on SJ, thank you, from the bottom of my heart; you've made the experience of writing cathartic, meaningful, and so very joyful for me.  In 2011 I really want to connect more deeply with that community and with similar people; I want to create an inspirational community (plans are in the works & expect something new & shiny to be revealed in January!!!)

Also, my LA "family" of friends has been an amazing, supportive community for me through this year of ups and downs, lefts and rights, confusion and clarity.  Through each step, they've said with a laugh, "we can't keep up with you, but we love you and are so excited for you."  On Thanksgiving, I looked around at a living room full of friends and thought: I love ALL of these people.  So much.  Thanks, y'all.

Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ catching up  :)
~ Christmas champagne
~ a busy busy week/weekend with friends

xo! n.

[photo: my art display at Side Work]

Reverb10 - Distraction, focus & awe

Totally behind.  Don't care.  Working at my own pace.  Please forgive.  :)

To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.

December 2 - Writing.  What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

Facebook, gmail chatting, watching TV.  I could definitely eliminate them but their siren song is so loud...  Actually, facebook isn't that much of a time-suck for me; I don't stalk so once I've seen the most recent stuff on my news feed, I'm good.  Chatting is a huge waste of time, but it's a big part of how I keep in touch with people, so it's easy to justify.  I can certianly either sign out of gmail (or ichat) OR turn my icon to "do not disturb" for at least an hour or so every day while I'm writing; I know that'd be a good idea.  I don't really watch much TV, but I live with 4 other people so when I'm in the living room or kitchen, it's usually on.  Some days I'm sick of sitting in my room and some days I want to be a little more social, but I guess I need to tell myself I can go into the living room when I'm done writing.  It'll be my reward.  :)

December 3 - Moment.  Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.  Describe it in vivid detail (textures, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I.  Am.  Terrified.  I'm sitting on the floor surrounded by some of my closest friends & most inspiring artists, a half-empty bag of doritos, and my expectant laptop.  I've committed to facing one of my biggest fears, and I know that soon the attention will turn to me and there will be no more excuses.

Someone reminds the group that I brought in a song, and everyone smiles at me, not understanding my anxiety but showering me with love.  My stomach knots.  I play the song on my laptop, not singing along, and everyone listens.  Then: "why didn't you sing?"  "OK now sing it."  "She needs a band."  Instruments are fetched, unexpectedly, and everyone looks at me, tuned and ready.  My stomach double-knots.  I might throw up.  Deep, shaky breath, and...

I sing.

Johnny comes in on guitar, Jamey comes in on trumpet, Mary starts shaking the crumpled dorito bag like a maracca.  Everyone is humming along, swaying, attempting harmony.  My voice rises above them, floating on their beautiful cacaophany like it was meant for this, like it's been waiting it's whole misused life for this expression of joy.

And suddenly... it's not so scary.

December 4 - Wonder.  How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

By doing things I've never done, never knew I would or could do, never expected to do.  By keeping myself, however difficult, open - really OPEN - to everything that came into my life this year.  By not allowing myself to get bored or jaded or hold on too tightly to how things are "supposed" to be.  By giving myself a break & allowing myself to sit still with no purpose or plan.

Let me know your answers to the Reverb questions!

xo!  n.

In good company

by the brilliant Spanish illustrator Alex Noriega

Sorry I've been absent this weekend; with the holidays coming up I've been extra busy.  Hope you had a lovely weekend & are starting the week feeling fresh & awesome.  :)

Today I am so happy & grateful for:

~ cookie baking parties (thanks, Brie!)

~ inspiring, motivating friends

~ 2am hot chocolate dates

xo! n.

Reverb 10 - Just one thing

...is a super cool initiative set up by some super cool people for reviewing this past year and creating for the new year.  As per usual, I'm late in hearing about it (I'm pretty dang rad but I tend to be a bit behind when it comes to pop culture & the "in" stuff) by about a week, so although it's meant to be a daily prompt, I'll be playing a little bit of catch up.

If you want to play along, visit them here; the questions can be journaled or blogged or just thought about.  I have had an incredible, strange year in 2010 and would really like to focus my energies in 2011; I'm hoping this gives me a place to start.

Here goes...

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010 has been Unexpected. 
I started the year in Australia, rang it in with fireworks and boys streaking down a Queensland beach.  I hadn't planned to be there for New Year's, yet there I was, and I was loving it.  A little over a month later, I was in LA, selling my furniture to move to DC when out of the blue I was cast in a movie.  My planned two month cross-country road trip turned into a two-week drive up the California coast with my mom; we kayaked, rode horses, window-shopped and hiked.  I returned to an incredible few days on set, doing what I'd been preparing for my whole life, and knowing I was good at it.  I slept on my friends couch for a month until a perfect month-to-month deal found me & I moved into a room with borrowed furniture.  I found the JetBlue all-you-can-jet pass just in time, had nothing holding me back & a friend who could sublease, so I spent 6 weeks flying from city to city, seeing new places & old friends.  On my way back to LA, a job fell in my lap so I took it.

Everything about this year has been unplanned or anti-my-plan.  It's been wonderful (and looking back on it that succinctly, I can't believe I fit all that in one year!) but it's also been stressful.  At every turn, I've wondered if I'm still on the right path; each new opportunity brought at least as much fear as it did joy.

2011 will be Purposeful.
I don't think life gets much more wander-y and directionless than my 2010.  And it's been lovely.  It's given me a lot of insight as to what I want out of my life and what my ultimate (read: overreaching, big-picture, whole-life) goals are.  I'm not sure of the specifics or how to get there, but I know the life I want - the love, the freedom, the creativity, the exploration, the balance, and the joy that I will have, no matter what the job, the home, the city or the relationship look like.  Now is the time to take those dreams that are starting to come into focus and pursue them, even if that pursuit takes me down a few dead ends; it's time for action.

I will purposefully seek out ways to bring more of the things I want into my life.  I will live with purposeful intention & not just let days pass me by.  I will trust that as long as I'm living with my purpose in mind, "failure" is ok & there are no wrong choices, only avenues that lead to other avenues toward my goals.  It is the year for clarity and purposeful, joyful action.

What are your words for 2010 & 2011?  Feel free to tell me in the comments or link to your Reverb blog post.  I'd really love to hear.

Today I am so grateful & happy for reflection & self-awareness.

xo! n.

[awesome quote source]