Since I was a kid, I've sung in choirs, but I've never never sung a solo. In middle school I auditioned for "Oklahoma" - I said, "I'm an alto" and then opened my mouth & the highest, beyond soprano, quavering, most terrified voice came out and embarrassed everyone in the room. Later, my college boyfriend and his roommates (Teeter & Chick, funnily enough) were recording a Christmas album and he offered for me to sing one song on it. I had a breakdown. I cried, I cussed, I freaked out. I didn't want to listen to my own voice and I didn't like the sound coming out of me or the nervous cold sweat I broke out into. Even though it turned out ok, I made them promise to not include it on the regular CD, only a special "gold edition," and every Christmas when my parents put it on, I get red & flustered and anxious.
Last night, at our Side Work meeting (for those of you that don't know, Side Work is an artists collective & one of the things I'm most proud of in my life - you can read about it here) I announced that in our next show, I might want to sing. And then, at their urging, despite stomach churning & sweaty brow, I sang. And we had an impromptu jam session with Jamey & Johnny picking up instruments & Teeter using a bag of chips as maracas.
And it was awesome.
I want to perform with the confidence & style of Jenny Lewis [source]
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to sing in front of a lot of people. Some friends, some strangers. I'm going to dance and sing and enjoy it, and I'm going to put this fear to rest. I'm going to cross it off my list. Who's with me? What fear can you conquer in June?
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ being ready