It's official! The Grateful Sparrow has a new home!
Showing posts with label progress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label progress. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Drum roll please...
Labels:
celebrations,
creativity,
inspiration,
lurve,
progress,
sparrows song
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Under Construction.
I know I have been absent a lot lately, but it's because I've got something exciting up my sleeve.
I'm creating a new & improved Grateful Sparrow site at a new home, and you're all invited!
It's set to launch next week, so I've got A LOT to get done; please bear with me and keep an eye out for the official announcement & link... (might be announced on an affiliate site mid-week... hint hint...)
I'm super super excited about this; I hope y'all like it too!
Today I am so grateful & happy for big ideas and making them happen!!!
xo! n.
Labels:
creativity,
lurve,
Moving,
progress,
sparrows song
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Potential.
I sometimes whinge and whine about being single; most of my friends are in serious relationships if not married, and I sometimes feel like The Last Single Girl (hey, that could be a good title for a movie... cast me!). But you know what's awesome about being single?
Dates.
Yes! The actual act of going on dates almost always fades out of a long-term relationship, and even in those that deem "date nights" important, the need to impress each other fades. Which is a nice thing, comfort is great, but sometimes it's fun to take a chance, to feel nervous, and to have no clue what you're getting into.
Especially when the date hits it out of the park.
Cut to my Sunday. Now, y'all, I'm telling you this because I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, I'm just 29 and living in Los Angeles -- I'm on eHarmony. And I'd been emailing with this particular guy, we'll call him B, for about a week. I'm a big proponent of meeting relatively early on because there's only so much you can tell from emails and a few pictures; to feel someone's energy & real compatibility, you have to spend some time with them.
So I suggested meeting & he suggested LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). Perfect.
We met in the forest of streetlamps in front of the building; he looked like his pictures and bought my admission. The museum was pretty full, which aided our mutual non-reverence; we weren't being disrespectful, but were there to enjoy ourselves & immediately feel into an easy dialogue making up silly stories about the Indian art we were looking at.
We discovered a Jerry Springer plot in a painting of a nobleman with his handmaidens, and identified India's Siskel & Ebert of the 1700s. We were cracking ourselves up. We tried to be quiet, but noticed a few people giggling around us, and one couple even joined in & added to our story.
That's right, I said we picked each other's songs. As in, neither of us knew what we were singing until we were standing up there with a mic in our hands. So not only did I do karaoke on a first date, I did blind karaoke on a first date. What am I, crazy??? Eh. It's all part of the fun.
Dates.
Yes! The actual act of going on dates almost always fades out of a long-term relationship, and even in those that deem "date nights" important, the need to impress each other fades. Which is a nice thing, comfort is great, but sometimes it's fun to take a chance, to feel nervous, and to have no clue what you're getting into.
Especially when the date hits it out of the park.
Cut to my Sunday. Now, y'all, I'm telling you this because I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, I'm just 29 and living in Los Angeles -- I'm on eHarmony. And I'd been emailing with this particular guy, we'll call him B, for about a week. I'm a big proponent of meeting relatively early on because there's only so much you can tell from emails and a few pictures; to feel someone's energy & real compatibility, you have to spend some time with them.
So I suggested meeting & he suggested LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). Perfect.
We met in the forest of streetlamps in front of the building; he looked like his pictures and bought my admission. The museum was pretty full, which aided our mutual non-reverence; we weren't being disrespectful, but were there to enjoy ourselves & immediately feel into an easy dialogue making up silly stories about the Indian art we were looking at.
We discovered a Jerry Springer plot in a painting of a nobleman with his handmaidens, and identified India's Siskel & Ebert of the 1700s. We were cracking ourselves up. We tried to be quiet, but noticed a few people giggling around us, and one couple even joined in & added to our story.
We stood for a while in front of this painting, imagining the dinners this very dysfunctional family might've had.
As we wandered around, we got to know each other better and the art helped us avoid awkward silences by inspiring questions like, what's your background, and where've you traveled? It may sound like a stuffy location but because of its somewhat interactive nature, it was actually the perfect place for a first date - boys, take note!
When we got hungry, we headed to a shabu-shabu place down the street (if you don't know, it's a Japanese cook-your-own-food style restaurant), where we talked over the steam of seaweed water boiling our beef & veggies. Dinner led to a discussion of karaoke (naturally), so we headed to a bar and picked each other's songs over the riot of a very large birthday party.
very dark small pictures from my phone...
That's right, I said we picked each other's songs. As in, neither of us knew what we were singing until we were standing up there with a mic in our hands. So not only did I do karaoke on a first date, I did blind karaoke on a first date. What am I, crazy??? Eh. It's all part of the fun.
I had to sing Gwen Stefani, Hollaback Girl, and he had to sing Boys II Men, I'll Make Love to You (just because it's funny, don't go thinking dirty, it's a first date) - and we totally rocked it.
He was a total gentleman. Besides a few "that's what she said"s (which, let's face it, I probably initiated) and a running Indian-exhibit-inspired joke about the kama sutra, he held doors for me, was hands-off, and even picked up the tab (which the Very Independent Woman that I am fought against, but he refused to budge).
I'm pretty sure it was the best first date I've ever been on. That's what they all should be: fun, silly, spontaneous, full of conversation & laughter, not an awkward meal & silent movie, or some dude drooling all over you waiting for the end of the night to make a move.
So, I don't know, it may not go anywhere, but there will definitely be a second date and, hey, sometimes it's just nice to be reminded that dates like this DO exist. :)
Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ a fun day with a good guy
~ time to write
~ my new phone is working (and puuuurty!)
xo! n.
Labels:
about me,
Gifts,
LA social,
live and learn,
Los Angeles,
progress,
silliness
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Reverb10 - Release, create, love
To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.
December 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
Control. I've always been an over-achiever and a worrier; I've always had a pretty tight hold on what I expect and how I'm going to get it. This year taught me that I can't control everything; I've learned I don't even want to control everything because it often turns out SO much better when I just allow things to be what they are.
December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Besides my writing... :) the last things I made were banners and signs for an event at work; I designed them in Photoshop & then the company printed them & they looked really good. But the last things I made without prompting from anyone were the art pieces I made for the last Side Work show. I sculpted wire hearts and made a lotus out of cardboard, newspaper and watercolors - picking only the positive, celebratory newspaper articles (which are really hard to find). They all sold, which was such a great feeling. I would like to do more projects like that; I always have a million crafty ideas, and I'm pretty good at executing them, but I don't put it at the top of my priority list, generally. I would definitley like to carve out more time for creating physical, beautiful things, because it gives me an instant feeling of achievement.
December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
The Stratejoy community has been THE most amazing, unexpected support group for me this year. To those of y'all that found me on SJ, thank you, from the bottom of my heart; you've made the experience of writing cathartic, meaningful, and so very joyful for me. In 2011 I really want to connect more deeply with that community and with similar people; I want to create an inspirational community (plans are in the works & expect something new & shiny to be revealed in January!!!)
Also, my LA "family" of friends has been an amazing, supportive community for me through this year of ups and downs, lefts and rights, confusion and clarity. Through each step, they've said with a laugh, "we can't keep up with you, but we love you and are so excited for you." On Thanksgiving, I looked around at a living room full of friends and thought: I love ALL of these people. So much. Thanks, y'all.
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ catching up :)
~ Christmas champagne
~ a busy busy week/weekend with friends
xo! n.
[photo: my art display at Side Work]
December 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
Control. I've always been an over-achiever and a worrier; I've always had a pretty tight hold on what I expect and how I'm going to get it. This year taught me that I can't control everything; I've learned I don't even want to control everything because it often turns out SO much better when I just allow things to be what they are.
December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Besides my writing... :) the last things I made were banners and signs for an event at work; I designed them in Photoshop & then the company printed them & they looked really good. But the last things I made without prompting from anyone were the art pieces I made for the last Side Work show. I sculpted wire hearts and made a lotus out of cardboard, newspaper and watercolors - picking only the positive, celebratory newspaper articles (which are really hard to find). They all sold, which was such a great feeling. I would like to do more projects like that; I always have a million crafty ideas, and I'm pretty good at executing them, but I don't put it at the top of my priority list, generally. I would definitley like to carve out more time for creating physical, beautiful things, because it gives me an instant feeling of achievement.
December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
The Stratejoy community has been THE most amazing, unexpected support group for me this year. To those of y'all that found me on SJ, thank you, from the bottom of my heart; you've made the experience of writing cathartic, meaningful, and so very joyful for me. In 2011 I really want to connect more deeply with that community and with similar people; I want to create an inspirational community (plans are in the works & expect something new & shiny to be revealed in January!!!)
Also, my LA "family" of friends has been an amazing, supportive community for me through this year of ups and downs, lefts and rights, confusion and clarity. Through each step, they've said with a laugh, "we can't keep up with you, but we love you and are so excited for you." On Thanksgiving, I looked around at a living room full of friends and thought: I love ALL of these people. So much. Thanks, y'all.
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ catching up :)
~ Christmas champagne
~ a busy busy week/weekend with friends
xo! n.
[photo: my art display at Side Work]
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The stillness is the move
Last night, in the middle of yoga, downward dog to be exact, I had a beautiful moment of clarity. One that shook me from my core, literally; I laughed as tears streamed down (or up, I was upside-down) my face. No doubt it was brought about by my heart-opening yoga practice, but what really resonated with me was this song:
If you're not a fan of indie music, don't listen to it for its sound and feel free to ignore the super odd video - but pay attention to what they're saying.
I've always thought of this as a love song about a couple, "after all that we've been through, I know that I will always love you," but in that moment, focused on the simple act of breathing and bending, I suddenly and completely knew - it is a love song, but it's not to someone else - it's love of self.
If you're not a fan of indie music, don't listen to it for its sound and feel free to ignore the super odd video - but pay attention to what they're saying.
I've always thought of this as a love song about a couple, "after all that we've been through, I know that I will always love you," but in that moment, focused on the simple act of breathing and bending, I suddenly and completely knew - it is a love song, but it's not to someone else - it's love of self.
"there is nothing we can't do
I'll see you along the way baby
the stillness is the move"
I'll see you along the way baby
the stillness is the move"
I've been beating myself up with questions and second-guessing, but it's not necessary. It will all come in time. I will be kind to myself and be still. It's my move.
I am so grateful and happy for:
~ yoga endorphins
~ Lindsey's advice to get moving
~ receptiveness
xo! n.
Labels:
inspiration,
lurve,
progress,
Quarterlife Crisis,
sparrows song
Monday, November 15, 2010
Inspiration Strikes
I sit at my desk, blinds open behind me letting the sun cast a zebra glare on my computer monitor, but I'd rather have that than the florescents on. It makes me feel a little more human to see the sunshine.
I'm learning about purchase orders after a slow morning spent perusing my favorite blogs, and the girl training me stops for a lengthy phone call. I look down at my pad of paper and doodle:
I write, "finish Stratejoy post" and "charge ipod" and then... "brainstorm"
I don't know why, it just comes out of my pen, all on its own. And next comes:
And I look at that sentence and I have a slow trickle of an epiphany. It isn't the lightning bolt kind, it isn't noticeable to my co-worker next to me, still on the phone. It's like a slow leak from a balloon - no, not that, that makes the balloon smaller - it's like a tiny little waterfall that only happens after a heavy rain & that you only notice as you hike by if you're really in tune with what's around you and not preoccupied with thoughts or focused on a goal. You only notice it if you're enjoying your hike.
The trickle of inspiration pools ink on paper and somehow forms words, words that make me smile, words that keep arranging themselves as they steadily drip-drip-drip out. And those words form an idea, a good idea that feels possible and achievable. Fun, even. My co-worker hangs up the phone and training begins again; as I listen, I sit with the warming knowledge of my lovely new secret.
It may not happen as I imagine it; it may not happen at all. I might change my mind tomorrow. But today creative inspiration found me, and I opened up the part of my brain that is hopeful, imaginative, focused. Today I took one step toward my big dream life.
Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ unexpected epiphanies
~ being still & letting creativity flow
~ knowing what I need
xo! n.
I'm learning about purchase orders after a slow morning spent perusing my favorite blogs, and the girl training me stops for a lengthy phone call. I look down at my pad of paper and doodle:
I write, "finish Stratejoy post" and "charge ipod" and then... "brainstorm"
I don't know why, it just comes out of my pen, all on its own. And next comes:
And I look at that sentence and I have a slow trickle of an epiphany. It isn't the lightning bolt kind, it isn't noticeable to my co-worker next to me, still on the phone. It's like a slow leak from a balloon - no, not that, that makes the balloon smaller - it's like a tiny little waterfall that only happens after a heavy rain & that you only notice as you hike by if you're really in tune with what's around you and not preoccupied with thoughts or focused on a goal. You only notice it if you're enjoying your hike.
The trickle of inspiration pools ink on paper and somehow forms words, words that make me smile, words that keep arranging themselves as they steadily drip-drip-drip out. And those words form an idea, a good idea that feels possible and achievable. Fun, even. My co-worker hangs up the phone and training begins again; as I listen, I sit with the warming knowledge of my lovely new secret.
It may not happen as I imagine it; it may not happen at all. I might change my mind tomorrow. But today creative inspiration found me, and I opened up the part of my brain that is hopeful, imaginative, focused. Today I took one step toward my big dream life.
Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ unexpected epiphanies
~ being still & letting creativity flow
~ knowing what I need
xo! n.
Labels:
creativity,
inspiration,
job,
live and learn,
progress,
Quarterlife Crisis,
sparrows song
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Say What You Need to Say
Sometimes things build up inside you - thoughts and feelings multiply, expand until they're too big, too out of control for words or to make sense of - and then suddenly you have the chance to speak, and all those feelings rush to be expressed, getting jammed somewhere between your brain, your heart and your mouth. And your words are jumbled, and you're too choked up to speak clearly, but somehow, you say it.
And it feels so good.
Today I am grateful and happy for learning how to just say it.
xo, n.
Labels:
live and learn,
progress,
sparrows song
Friday, August 20, 2010
Ain't Life Grand?
Unpredictable, immeasurable, beautiful and incomprehensible.
I'm going traveling again. I got a Jet Blue all-you-can-jet pass; it's unlimited flights around the US for the whole month of September for only $500. I'm subleasing my new room (I know, I just made it a home!), packing a carry-on, and setting out on a new month-long adventure.
I'll be back in LA in October, and if any auditions or anything come up while I'm gone, the pass includes flights to LA, so I can come back. I found it (thanks, Todd!!) at the exact right moment, and I couldn't think of a single reason NOT to do it.
It is amazing how perfect things can be when you expect nothing and are open to everything.
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ amazing flight deals
~ friends around the country to visit
~ extra money opportunities
~ trust
xo! n.
PS- new Stratejoy post went up Wednesday - Check it out HERE
I'm going traveling again. I got a Jet Blue all-you-can-jet pass; it's unlimited flights around the US for the whole month of September for only $500. I'm subleasing my new room (I know, I just made it a home!), packing a carry-on, and setting out on a new month-long adventure.
I'll be back in LA in October, and if any auditions or anything come up while I'm gone, the pass includes flights to LA, so I can come back. I found it (thanks, Todd!!) at the exact right moment, and I couldn't think of a single reason NOT to do it.
It is amazing how perfect things can be when you expect nothing and are open to everything.
[source]
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ amazing flight deals
~ friends around the country to visit
~ extra money opportunities
~ trust
xo! n.
PS- new Stratejoy post went up Wednesday - Check it out HERE
Labels:
progress,
sparrows song,
Stratejoy,
Travel
Friday, July 30, 2010
JOY... ya dig?
So, a few weeks ago I mentioned, in teensy tiny little print, that I had a HUGE announcement to make... and then I never made it. Whoops. I was so excited, and so, well, overwhelmed, that I commented on Facebook and told all my friends and never actually got around to posting on here. So, some of you already know this, but for the rest of you, here goes...
I have been chosen as a Season 3 guest writer for the brilliant website, Stratejoy!
Those of you that know me in person, or those of you that have been reading this for a while, know that I've gone through a few whopping breakdowns and major life changes in the last few months... ok, years. I like to call this my Quarterlife Crisis, and it generally makes me feel like a big, bad, good-for-nothing mess of a loser. Well, guess what? I'm not as alone as I thought I was.
Stratejoy is a company created to help women in their 20s & 30s, specifically (though I think anyone of any age can benefit from it), get through their Quarterlife Crises. It's a "tribe of gutsy girls" who are willing to delve into the tough stuff, the questions like "what do I want out of life," and face their fears to come out on the other side happy, whole, and with a game plan. It's literally Strategies For Joy.
That's the beauty of it. Because I'm going through it myself, I can help others get through it too, and show them they're not alone. It gives a purpose to this crisis outside of my own personal growth.
I have been chosen as a Season 3 guest writer for the brilliant website, Stratejoy!
Those of you that know me in person, or those of you that have been reading this for a while, know that I've gone through a few whopping breakdowns and major life changes in the last few months... ok, years. I like to call this my Quarterlife Crisis, and it generally makes me feel like a big, bad, good-for-nothing mess of a loser. Well, guess what? I'm not as alone as I thought I was.
Stratejoy is a company created to help women in their 20s & 30s, specifically (though I think anyone of any age can benefit from it), get through their Quarterlife Crises. It's a "tribe of gutsy girls" who are willing to delve into the tough stuff, the questions like "what do I want out of life," and face their fears to come out on the other side happy, whole, and with a game plan. It's literally Strategies For Joy.
So, you may be wondering - um, hello, self-proclaimed mess of a loser, what makes you fit to write for this site? You can't even get your own shit together; how are you going to help others do it? no, you weren't wondering that? well, the devil's advocate in my brain was, so I'm gonna answer it anyway.
That's the beauty of it. Because I'm going through it myself, I can help others get through it too, and show them they're not alone. It gives a purpose to this crisis outside of my own personal growth.
And, I'm super excited to have even MORE reasons to write, which I love to do and had let myself stop for years. So I hope you all will follow me on Stratejoy, as you do here and on Escape Hatcher, and that you'll also read what the other 5 AMAZING women I will be writing with have to say. And, if all this Quarterlife Crisis talk sounds parallel to your own life, please check out The Joy Equation - I'm starting it this week and think it's going to do me heaps of good.
I can't tell you how excited (and grateful & happy) I am for this opportunity and for how it will help me grow! See you on the other side of this QLC!
xo! n.
Labels:
celebrations,
progress,
Quarterlife Crisis,
Stratejoy
Saturday, July 24, 2010
2months 2make it
I know, I know, it's like middle school up in that title. (U R 2 cute 2 B 4gotten!)
My friends are amazing - especially the kick-ass Sarah, whose couch I've been on for a full 2 weeks now - for letting me crash with them, but my back and neck are starting to feel the effects of couch springs & flat pillows, and I'm kinda over living out of a suitcase.
I've decided, if you couldn't tell by that last post, to give this industry & city one more chance. One more chance to put me in movies, one more chance to bring me some happiness. Do you like how I'm putting the pressure on them, not on myself? :) I'm still wary of committing to a full year in LA, but I've decided to stick around for two months & see what happens, see how I feel. No, I'm not expecting to book something crazy big in that short time period, but I would like to get an agent, start auditioning again, and feel good about it all. If I'm still miserable, I don't want to be stuck here. If things are going well, I can stay longer.
I already know that if this doesn't work out, I can still be happy. I've already come to terms with creating in other ways. So I have nothing to lose.
Therefore, in an effort to ditch the suitcase & settle myself for a little bit (I am a Taurus after all, I need a home space), I have found a two month sublet! It's a room in a house in Eagle Rock, and it's got enough closet space that I can keep all my boxes there. The house is very bachelor-pad-messy but it's got a yard (wha!) with lemon tree (what!!) and a hammock (WHAT!!) and a back porch that stretches under my window, and I'm already imagining flowerpots and herb plants that I can see from my desk.
The people seem nice, the price is right, and if I like it there, I can stay longer. So that just suits me fine for now. In a week, I will have a place from which to take life one day at a time...
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ free couches
~ new places
~ nothing to lose
xo! n.
My friends are amazing - especially the kick-ass Sarah, whose couch I've been on for a full 2 weeks now - for letting me crash with them, but my back and neck are starting to feel the effects of couch springs & flat pillows, and I'm kinda over living out of a suitcase.
not me. [source]
I've decided, if you couldn't tell by that last post, to give this industry & city one more chance. One more chance to put me in movies, one more chance to bring me some happiness. Do you like how I'm putting the pressure on them, not on myself? :) I'm still wary of committing to a full year in LA, but I've decided to stick around for two months & see what happens, see how I feel. No, I'm not expecting to book something crazy big in that short time period, but I would like to get an agent, start auditioning again, and feel good about it all. If I'm still miserable, I don't want to be stuck here. If things are going well, I can stay longer.
I already know that if this doesn't work out, I can still be happy. I've already come to terms with creating in other ways. So I have nothing to lose.
Therefore, in an effort to ditch the suitcase & settle myself for a little bit (I am a Taurus after all, I need a home space), I have found a two month sublet! It's a room in a house in Eagle Rock, and it's got enough closet space that I can keep all my boxes there. The house is very bachelor-pad-messy but it's got a yard (wha!) with lemon tree (what!!) and a hammock (WHAT!!) and a back porch that stretches under my window, and I'm already imagining flowerpots and herb plants that I can see from my desk.
not my garden... but it could be! [source]
The people seem nice, the price is right, and if I like it there, I can stay longer. So that just suits me fine for now. In a week, I will have a place from which to take life one day at a time...
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ free couches
~ new places
~ nothing to lose
xo! n.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My True Hollywood Story
I asked for the strength to trust. I asked for the Universe to make it clear. I asked for life to be better than I can imagine. I got what I asked for.
Arriving on set Friday, I was led to my trailer - yes, my own trailer with my character name on the door, a full couch, microwave, TV, DVD player, refrigerator, vanity, and full bathroom with a shower. As the AD closed the door, saying "I'll be back in a few minutes to take you to hair and makeup," I had a silent freak out, mouthing OH MY GOD and jumping up and down as quietly as possible, giggling uncontrollably. I am here. I am actually here.
I went to hair and makeup, meeting the awesome ladies there, talking and silently going over my sides while in the chair. Then to rehearsal where I met the male lead and the director - somehow not feeling the butterflies I'd expected, somehow feeling calm and confident. We set my marks & then it was lunch, touch-ups in hair & makeup, and getting into costume. I took advantage of the floor space & full-length mirror in my trailer, practicing my lines & setting my own marks for the props I had to use, until I felt comfortable. Then to set, where of course it's "hurry up and wait." I sat in the director's chairs marked "cast" and made friends with everyone who came by. I was just loving being there.
We started filming with the end of my scene. I got two more lines. After a couple takes, in the interim, the director came up to me and said (paraphrased): "Can I be honest with you?"
Me (nervous, but smiling): "Please do."
"You are the only person in this cast that I did not handpick. You are the only wild card. This is my life; making movies is my passion, and this is a good movie. You're in a good movie, do you know that?"
"Yes. And I'm so happy to be here."
"Well I've been watching you, and... you're talented. You're doing good work. So keep it up."
"Thank you. I will." And then I fainted.
No, just kidding. But after the next take, I did, off-camera & away from everyone, do a silent little happy dance. And I realized in that moment this is where I'm meant to be. I can do this. I'm good at this. And I haven't felt that way in a long, long time.
We filmed all day. I spent a lot of time talking to the other actors, the two leads, who were friendly and interesting and treated me completely as an equal. By the time we got to the bulk of my lines, it was 1am and everyone was exhausted - no one had patience for the new girl, the "wild card" to mess around with multiple takes of the scene. This was it - my trial by fire. I had to hit it. Without getting into too much technical detail, I was put into a relatively complicated setup involving multiple marks. A few years ago, I might not've been able to handle it & they'd have had to do lots of takes or break the scene down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
The pressure was on. I wasn't even nervous. I hit all my marks, took my direction, and we only had to do 4 takes. I killed it. Drove home that night buzzing with adrenaline and unable to shake that feeling, that quiet, insistent voice in my head: this is what I've worked my whole life for. This is what I should be doing.
Production had the weekend off. I was back on set bright and early Monday morning, greeting everyone with a smile and getting smiles in return. I walked on set for rehearsal and got a huge hug from the director. During some of the plentiful downtime, chatting with the male lead, he suddenly turned to me and said, "you were really good on Friday. Really good work. It was remarked on multiple times by multiple people." All I could choke out through my all-consuming smile was a shaky "thank you."
Later, I met one of the producers, who is the main reason I'm even in the film. He insisted the set photographer get a picture of us together and we had a nice long chat. He's the only one who knows I was planning to leave LA & he just looked at me and quietly said, "I hear you're doing a good job; I think you'd better stay." At lunch, he and one of the other producers invited me to sit with them and told me they want to arrange a meeting for me with a big casting director; they want her to meet me. I sputtered out, "that would be amazing, thank you." Then the director sat down & asked me about myself. I told him, we reminisced about the Southeast, and then he told me, very seriously, "I don't bother with untalented people. You are talented. And on top of that, you have a great attitude. I want to keep in touch when this is over." Is there a better complement in this town? I don't think so.
Back on set, we filmed, I ran back and forth as my nervous secretary character, and lost a shoe at one point, which is my only chance at the blooper reel. The director introduced me to a lot of the people on set and "psssss"d me over during filming to watch the monitor. The film looks beautiful.
At the end of the day, the director gave me his contact information and a big hug, and I floated away thinking, if I had imagined this day, I would have giggled at myself because it's just too much good stuff to happen at once. But it did happen. And I was ready for it.
People say, "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." I am at that intersection and I am infinitely lucky to be here. All the years of classes and feeling like I was throwing money away have paid off in this moment. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, I did this film and I did it well. I have that to be proud of.
So, I might not be moving away just yet after all. Maybe I just needed to realize that I don't need this in order to fully accept it. Maybe I will stop planning and just see where this goes. Los Angeles, you've made a hell of a convincing argument...
Today I am just so dang happy and grateful.
xo! n.
Arriving on set Friday, I was led to my trailer - yes, my own trailer with my character name on the door, a full couch, microwave, TV, DVD player, refrigerator, vanity, and full bathroom with a shower. As the AD closed the door, saying "I'll be back in a few minutes to take you to hair and makeup," I had a silent freak out, mouthing OH MY GOD and jumping up and down as quietly as possible, giggling uncontrollably. I am here. I am actually here.
I went to hair and makeup, meeting the awesome ladies there, talking and silently going over my sides while in the chair. Then to rehearsal where I met the male lead and the director - somehow not feeling the butterflies I'd expected, somehow feeling calm and confident. We set my marks & then it was lunch, touch-ups in hair & makeup, and getting into costume. I took advantage of the floor space & full-length mirror in my trailer, practicing my lines & setting my own marks for the props I had to use, until I felt comfortable. Then to set, where of course it's "hurry up and wait." I sat in the director's chairs marked "cast" and made friends with everyone who came by. I was just loving being there.
NOT where we were filming {source}
We started filming with the end of my scene. I got two more lines. After a couple takes, in the interim, the director came up to me and said (paraphrased): "Can I be honest with you?"
Me (nervous, but smiling): "Please do."
"You are the only person in this cast that I did not handpick. You are the only wild card. This is my life; making movies is my passion, and this is a good movie. You're in a good movie, do you know that?"
"Yes. And I'm so happy to be here."
"Well I've been watching you, and... you're talented. You're doing good work. So keep it up."
"Thank you. I will." And then I fainted.
No, just kidding. But after the next take, I did, off-camera & away from everyone, do a silent little happy dance. And I realized in that moment this is where I'm meant to be. I can do this. I'm good at this. And I haven't felt that way in a long, long time.
We filmed all day. I spent a lot of time talking to the other actors, the two leads, who were friendly and interesting and treated me completely as an equal. By the time we got to the bulk of my lines, it was 1am and everyone was exhausted - no one had patience for the new girl, the "wild card" to mess around with multiple takes of the scene. This was it - my trial by fire. I had to hit it. Without getting into too much technical detail, I was put into a relatively complicated setup involving multiple marks. A few years ago, I might not've been able to handle it & they'd have had to do lots of takes or break the scene down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
The pressure was on. I wasn't even nervous. I hit all my marks, took my direction, and we only had to do 4 takes. I killed it. Drove home that night buzzing with adrenaline and unable to shake that feeling, that quiet, insistent voice in my head: this is what I've worked my whole life for. This is what I should be doing.
A film set, NOT our set. {source}
Production had the weekend off. I was back on set bright and early Monday morning, greeting everyone with a smile and getting smiles in return. I walked on set for rehearsal and got a huge hug from the director. During some of the plentiful downtime, chatting with the male lead, he suddenly turned to me and said, "you were really good on Friday. Really good work. It was remarked on multiple times by multiple people." All I could choke out through my all-consuming smile was a shaky "thank you."
Later, I met one of the producers, who is the main reason I'm even in the film. He insisted the set photographer get a picture of us together and we had a nice long chat. He's the only one who knows I was planning to leave LA & he just looked at me and quietly said, "I hear you're doing a good job; I think you'd better stay." At lunch, he and one of the other producers invited me to sit with them and told me they want to arrange a meeting for me with a big casting director; they want her to meet me. I sputtered out, "that would be amazing, thank you." Then the director sat down & asked me about myself. I told him, we reminisced about the Southeast, and then he told me, very seriously, "I don't bother with untalented people. You are talented. And on top of that, you have a great attitude. I want to keep in touch when this is over." Is there a better complement in this town? I don't think so.
Back on set, we filmed, I ran back and forth as my nervous secretary character, and lost a shoe at one point, which is my only chance at the blooper reel. The director introduced me to a lot of the people on set and "psssss"d me over during filming to watch the monitor. The film looks beautiful.
At the end of the day, the director gave me his contact information and a big hug, and I floated away thinking, if I had imagined this day, I would have giggled at myself because it's just too much good stuff to happen at once. But it did happen. And I was ready for it.
People say, "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." I am at that intersection and I am infinitely lucky to be here. All the years of classes and feeling like I was throwing money away have paid off in this moment. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, I did this film and I did it well. I have that to be proud of.
So, I might not be moving away just yet after all. Maybe I just needed to realize that I don't need this in order to fully accept it. Maybe I will stop planning and just see where this goes. Los Angeles, you've made a hell of a convincing argument...
L.A. on a great day. {source}
Today I am just so dang happy and grateful.
xo! n.
Labels:
acting up,
film,
LA social,
live and learn,
progress,
sparrows song
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
man oh man.
LA is really making it hard to leave.
I've been back for about a week now, slumber-partying on the couches of my lovely and tolerant friends, puttering about aimlessly like a bored kid on summer vacation. My scenes in "Atlas" were scheduled to film yesterday and today, but at the last minute were rescheduled for Friday and Saturday so plans have changed yet again. I am completely and utterly in limbo. Completely and utterly at the scheduling mercy of an industry I thought I had finally pried myself free from.
And today, after my friend C showed me some of his favorite places in LA - all in the part of LA that is so me, the part I would probably have lived if I'd come to LA on my own - I heard from some friends that they're producing a play & would like me to be involved. Suddenly I'm thinking of a little house in Eagle Rock with a hammock and garden, in walking distance to coffee houses & vintage shops, doing Shakespeare again and getting a day job with an event or production company. Suddenly I feel like I've been being melodramatic with all this moving talk and hey, why DO these opportunities keep coming up? Is the universe trying to tell me something?
But the truth is, I haven't liked who I am in LA. I don't like the way this city & this industry in this city makes me feel about myself. I will never be talented enough, pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough... for LA. And I realize that's my faulty thinking, not a fault of this place, but I don't think it's something that can be easily fixed.
C took me today to an ashram, up in the mountains, overlooking the whole city. It's hot as hell today but actually quite clear, so we could see the skyline of Los Angeles, almost all the way out to the ocean. I never dreamed it could smell so delicious, so near the heart of LA, as it does in their garden. We literally stopped to smell the roses. At the ashram, there is a well where a famous yogi used to meditate, and you're encouraged to make a wish. I know you're not supposed to tell your wishes for fear they won't come true, but I'm going to share mine with you...
I wished for the faith to trust where my life is leading me, and that it will lead me to better things than I could even imagine. Immediately, I felt a lightness, a calm joy, and I knew everything would be ok.
I don't know where I'm headed and it stresses me out, but I'm trying to just trust and take it day by day. This is a scary time in my life, and yet, I'm positive I'm one day going to look back on it as one of the most amazing times of my life. I just gotta appreciate it for what it is. And trust.
Deeeeeep breath.
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ sundresses on hot days
~ coffee shops with outdoor wifi
~ comfortable couches
~ flowers
xo! n.
I've been back for about a week now, slumber-partying on the couches of my lovely and tolerant friends, puttering about aimlessly like a bored kid on summer vacation. My scenes in "Atlas" were scheduled to film yesterday and today, but at the last minute were rescheduled for Friday and Saturday so plans have changed yet again. I am completely and utterly in limbo. Completely and utterly at the scheduling mercy of an industry I thought I had finally pried myself free from.
And today, after my friend C showed me some of his favorite places in LA - all in the part of LA that is so me, the part I would probably have lived if I'd come to LA on my own - I heard from some friends that they're producing a play & would like me to be involved. Suddenly I'm thinking of a little house in Eagle Rock with a hammock and garden, in walking distance to coffee houses & vintage shops, doing Shakespeare again and getting a day job with an event or production company. Suddenly I feel like I've been being melodramatic with all this moving talk and hey, why DO these opportunities keep coming up? Is the universe trying to tell me something?
me, on a literal path, thinking of my figurative path ~so philosophical... (taken by C)
But the truth is, I haven't liked who I am in LA. I don't like the way this city & this industry in this city makes me feel about myself. I will never be talented enough, pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough... for LA. And I realize that's my faulty thinking, not a fault of this place, but I don't think it's something that can be easily fixed.
C took me today to an ashram, up in the mountains, overlooking the whole city. It's hot as hell today but actually quite clear, so we could see the skyline of Los Angeles, almost all the way out to the ocean. I never dreamed it could smell so delicious, so near the heart of LA, as it does in their garden. We literally stopped to smell the roses. At the ashram, there is a well where a famous yogi used to meditate, and you're encouraged to make a wish. I know you're not supposed to tell your wishes for fear they won't come true, but I'm going to share mine with you...
me at the ashram, smelling a lotus (taken by C)
I wished for the faith to trust where my life is leading me, and that it will lead me to better things than I could even imagine. Immediately, I felt a lightness, a calm joy, and I knew everything would be ok.
I don't know where I'm headed and it stresses me out, but I'm trying to just trust and take it day by day. This is a scary time in my life, and yet, I'm positive I'm one day going to look back on it as one of the most amazing times of my life. I just gotta appreciate it for what it is. And trust.
Deeeeeep breath.
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ sundresses on hot days
~ coffee shops with outdoor wifi
~ comfortable couches
~ flowers
xo! n.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Just a quick little hi there
Last night we had our second installment of Unstill Life and I sold three more pieces with one special order! The evening was fantastic & even though I got waaaay more nervous about singing because in this venue we actually had a stage with an audience (and I messed up the lyrics once), I felt really good about my performances. I even had a couple strangers tell me that they really enjoyed it; one girl even said it was her favorite part of the night!!
So that was success. I am so very proud of us for making this happen.
Tomorrow my momma gets into town and we have to pack up all my stuff so that Jamey can move into my room as planned. I've had a lot of anxiety about the next month - having my plans change so unexpectedly - BUT they're changing for a good reason so I'm just going to enjoy it. Since I can't start my road trip yet, Mom & I are going to spend two weeks vacationing and having adventures in California. Stay tuned to hear all about it...
Today I'm so grateful & happy for:
~ selling art!
~ my amazing fellow Side Work artists
~ momma coming into town
xo! n.
Chick putting final touches on her art display
So that was success. I am so very proud of us for making this happen.
Tomorrow my momma gets into town and we have to pack up all my stuff so that Jamey can move into my room as planned. I've had a lot of anxiety about the next month - having my plans change so unexpectedly - BUT they're changing for a good reason so I'm just going to enjoy it. Since I can't start my road trip yet, Mom & I are going to spend two weeks vacationing and having adventures in California. Stay tuned to hear all about it...
Today I'm so grateful & happy for:
~ selling art!
~ my amazing fellow Side Work artists
~ momma coming into town
xo! n.
Labels:
acting up,
celebrations,
friends,
LA social,
progress,
sparrows song
Friday, May 28, 2010
Fearless.
Yesterday I made a big step toward conquering an old fear.
Since I was a kid, I've sung in choirs, but I've never never sung a solo. In middle school I auditioned for "Oklahoma" - I said, "I'm an alto" and then opened my mouth & the highest, beyond soprano, quavering, most terrified voice came out and embarrassed everyone in the room. Later, my college boyfriend and his roommates (Teeter & Chick, funnily enough) were recording a Christmas album and he offered for me to sing one song on it. I had a breakdown. I cried, I cussed, I freaked out. I didn't want to listen to my own voice and I didn't like the sound coming out of me or the nervous cold sweat I broke out into. Even though it turned out ok, I made them promise to not include it on the regular CD, only a special "gold edition," and every Christmas when my parents put it on, I get red & flustered and anxious.
Despite all that, I LOVE music and I've always said that one thing on my life list is: Perform a solo song for an audience. And be confident about it. Get over this dang stupid fear.
Last night, at our Side Work meeting (for those of you that don't know, Side Work is an artists collective & one of the things I'm most proud of in my life - you can read about it here) I announced that in our next show, I might want to sing. And then, at their urging, despite stomach churning & sweaty brow, I sang. And we had an impromptu jam session with Jamey & Johnny picking up instruments & Teeter using a bag of chips as maracas.
And it was awesome.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to sing in front of a lot of people. Some friends, some strangers. I'm going to dance and sing and enjoy it, and I'm going to put this fear to rest. I'm going to cross it off my list. Who's with me? What fear can you conquer in June?
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ support
~ being ready
~ inspiration
xo! n.
Since I was a kid, I've sung in choirs, but I've never never sung a solo. In middle school I auditioned for "Oklahoma" - I said, "I'm an alto" and then opened my mouth & the highest, beyond soprano, quavering, most terrified voice came out and embarrassed everyone in the room. Later, my college boyfriend and his roommates (Teeter & Chick, funnily enough) were recording a Christmas album and he offered for me to sing one song on it. I had a breakdown. I cried, I cussed, I freaked out. I didn't want to listen to my own voice and I didn't like the sound coming out of me or the nervous cold sweat I broke out into. Even though it turned out ok, I made them promise to not include it on the regular CD, only a special "gold edition," and every Christmas when my parents put it on, I get red & flustered and anxious.
Last night, at our Side Work meeting (for those of you that don't know, Side Work is an artists collective & one of the things I'm most proud of in my life - you can read about it here) I announced that in our next show, I might want to sing. And then, at their urging, despite stomach churning & sweaty brow, I sang. And we had an impromptu jam session with Jamey & Johnny picking up instruments & Teeter using a bag of chips as maracas.
And it was awesome.
I want to perform with the confidence & style of Jenny Lewis [source]
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to sing in front of a lot of people. Some friends, some strangers. I'm going to dance and sing and enjoy it, and I'm going to put this fear to rest. I'm going to cross it off my list. Who's with me? What fear can you conquer in June?
Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ support
~ being ready
~ inspiration
xo! n.
Labels:
about me,
acting up,
celebrations,
friends,
LA social,
live and learn,
progress,
sparrows song
Friday, April 16, 2010
Giving Up vs. Moving On
I have a new Escape Hatcher post up! This one is more personal than the others... check it out here.
from weheartit.com
Are any of you going through something similar? Learning to let go & move on? I'd love to hear from you...
xo! n.
Labels:
Escape Artist,
progress
Thursday, April 15, 2010
It's Official
I'm moving to the East Coast this summer.
The plan is: mid-June road trip across America. Visit & stay with friends, see places I've never seen (like the Grand Canyon - what! I know!), and enjoy a windows down, music up, singing to the sky road trip. Arrive in North Carolina just in time for my friend's wedding in August, then drive up to my Mom's house in Virginia. She's offered to let me live with her for a year while I save money, pay off debt, and figure out my next step.
I know how it sounds - I'm 28 (will be 29 by the time I move), broke, single, moving back in with my mom. Pathetic right? And it would be if I HAD to do it, or if I was just too lazy to do anything else. But I'm choosing to do this. It will be good to be near my family (it's been a long time) and great to save some money; it'll be a perfect jumping-off point for whatever's next. I've been going through a dirty, duuuuurrty quarterlife crisis the last year and a half, and I've come to the conclusion that what I thought I wanted is not, in fact, what I want (or what I've ever wanted - just what I thought I should want) and therefore I can go anywhere; LA has no hold on me.
Besides my friends, which is a whole other weepy, gonna-miss-you-so-much story that I'd rather not get into right now.
If I stay here, yes, I'm staying with people who love me and inspire me and have picked me up every terrible time I've fallen down (sigh), but I'm also staying in a place that has disappointed me, given me heartbreak and uncertainty, and holds memories and anxieties that have held me down for way too long. It's time to make a fresh start. It's time to write the next chapter of my life.
I plan to get back into theatre. Working the Awesome Festival in Perth reminded me how much I love live theatre, in every capacity, not just acting, and made me realize I'd like to be somewhere it's more respected, not just treated as the bastard step-child of film. There are some amazing theatre companies in VA and DC, and I have connections to at least one theatre festival on the east coast.
I plan to travel the world. Saving on rent is gonna make that way more possible.
I plan to sort out what I want to do next. New city? New country? Grad school? The more I think about it, the more I feel that there's a way to balance my nesting instinct with my wanderlust and that this is the first step.
And don't y'all worry, I plan to write. And write and write - you'll be included every step of the journey. I'm sorry I haven't been great about it recently; I wasn't ready to make this official yet & that's what I was working through.
It's going to be a huge change, and it's gonna be sad. But I'm excited. It's time for a new adventure.
Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ a simple, relaxing visit from my best friend
~ my roommates supporting my decision & having a good plan for when I leave
~ the next big thing to look forward to
xo! n.
The plan is: mid-June road trip across America. Visit & stay with friends, see places I've never seen (like the Grand Canyon - what! I know!), and enjoy a windows down, music up, singing to the sky road trip. Arrive in North Carolina just in time for my friend's wedding in August, then drive up to my Mom's house in Virginia. She's offered to let me live with her for a year while I save money, pay off debt, and figure out my next step.
I know how it sounds - I'm 28 (will be 29 by the time I move), broke, single, moving back in with my mom. Pathetic right? And it would be if I HAD to do it, or if I was just too lazy to do anything else. But I'm choosing to do this. It will be good to be near my family (it's been a long time) and great to save some money; it'll be a perfect jumping-off point for whatever's next. I've been going through a dirty, duuuuurrty quarterlife crisis the last year and a half, and I've come to the conclusion that what I thought I wanted is not, in fact, what I want (or what I've ever wanted - just what I thought I should want) and therefore I can go anywhere; LA has no hold on me.
Besides my friends, which is a whole other weepy, gonna-miss-you-so-much story that I'd rather not get into right now.
If I stay here, yes, I'm staying with people who love me and inspire me and have picked me up every terrible time I've fallen down (sigh), but I'm also staying in a place that has disappointed me, given me heartbreak and uncertainty, and holds memories and anxieties that have held me down for way too long. It's time to make a fresh start. It's time to write the next chapter of my life.
I plan to get back into theatre. Working the Awesome Festival in Perth reminded me how much I love live theatre, in every capacity, not just acting, and made me realize I'd like to be somewhere it's more respected, not just treated as the bastard step-child of film. There are some amazing theatre companies in VA and DC, and I have connections to at least one theatre festival on the east coast.
I plan to travel the world. Saving on rent is gonna make that way more possible.
I plan to sort out what I want to do next. New city? New country? Grad school? The more I think about it, the more I feel that there's a way to balance my nesting instinct with my wanderlust and that this is the first step.
both images from weheartit.com
And don't y'all worry, I plan to write. And write and write - you'll be included every step of the journey. I'm sorry I haven't been great about it recently; I wasn't ready to make this official yet & that's what I was working through.
It's going to be a huge change, and it's gonna be sad. But I'm excited. It's time for a new adventure.
Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ a simple, relaxing visit from my best friend
~ my roommates supporting my decision & having a good plan for when I leave
~ the next big thing to look forward to
xo! n.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
feelin' groovy
Lately, I've been feeling down. I don't know if it's because I am back to "ordinary" life, because I don't really have a job & wake up every morning without much of a purpose, or because I don't really have a plan & figuring that out feels completely overwhelming. Maybe it's because I'm living in a house with 2 other girls again & have killer PMS. Maybe it's E: All of the above.
But today I woke up to a friend's phone call, a happy dream melting into awareness, a blue sky sunshine morning, and Chick's laughter. And from that joyful place, possibilities started a-brewin.
I don't think I'm ready to outline a plan here yet - knowing me, it'll change a million times before it happens - but let's just say it involves theatre, the one thing I've always loved & the one thing I know, and it involves road trips, and it involves a big blowout around-the-world trip of a celebration. It even involves a possible long-term plan, which I haven't had in a long time.
I'm open to ideas changing, but it feels really nice to have a place to start from, a plan to get excited about and motivated in. This is going to be the best decade ever.
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ letting my brain sit with a "problem" - it takes some time but damn it comes up with some creative solutions!
~ things to look forward to
~ spring flowers
xo! n.
But today I woke up to a friend's phone call, a happy dream melting into awareness, a blue sky sunshine morning, and Chick's laughter. And from that joyful place, possibilities started a-brewin.
I don't think I'm ready to outline a plan here yet - knowing me, it'll change a million times before it happens - but let's just say it involves theatre, the one thing I've always loved & the one thing I know, and it involves road trips, and it involves a big blowout around-the-world trip of a celebration. It even involves a possible long-term plan, which I haven't had in a long time.
I'm open to ideas changing, but it feels really nice to have a place to start from, a plan to get excited about and motivated in. This is going to be the best decade ever.
from weheartit.com
Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ letting my brain sit with a "problem" - it takes some time but damn it comes up with some creative solutions!
~ things to look forward to
~ spring flowers
xo! n.
Labels:
live and learn,
progress,
sparrows song
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The very exciting news!
So before some of you get too antsy (Jayne) or get your hopes up too much (AB), it's time to reveal my very big news!
drum roll please...
Susan Baker, a Creative Career Consultant and super cool advocate for life-changing adventures, has asked me to be a regular guest writer on her website, The Escape Hatcher! You can check out my intro
me in Wilson's Promontory, overlooking Squeaky Beach, Australia
Her website brilliantly encourages people to "escape" jobs they don't love and gives them the courage to create the lives they've dreamt of. Along those lines, I'll be writing in a bit of a different tone than I do here; detailing my progress and probable frustrations as I establish myself as a travel writer, and also motivating people with tips & techniques I've found useful in staying focused & positive even when things get rough.
I'll be writing bi-monthly, please check it out & while you're at it, check out my hilarious friend Todd's weekly Escape Artist entry here.
This
is a big step toward my digital nomad independence! So excited!
Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ new opportunities
~ relating
~ sunny days
xo! n.
Labels:
celebrations,
Escape Artist,
progress,
sparrows song
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