the grateful sparrow

Drum roll please...

2011-01-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

It's official! The Grateful Sparrow has a new home!

is your go-to place for daily inspiration and a community of

joyful living.

I want to help you love the life you live and live a life you love. I'm not talking about fake smiles and forced cheer, I'm talking about honesty and change and opening your eyes to the world around you and all that life has to offer. I want to share my joys and my struggles with you, and I want you to share yours with me. Let's inspire each other.

Check it out and let me know what you think!

Today I am so happy and grateful for this exciting new adventure.

xo xo xo xo! n.

Under Construction.

2011-01-20T09:28:00.000-08:00

I know I have been absent a lot lately, but it's because I've got something exciting up my sleeve.

I'm creating a new & improved Grateful Sparrow site at a new home, and you're all invited!

It's set to launch next week, so I've got A LOT to get done; please bear with me and keep an eye out for the official announcement & link... (might be announced on an affiliate site mid-week... hint hint...)

I'm super super excited about this; I hope y'all like it too!

Today I am so grateful & happy for big ideas and making them happen!!!

xo! n.

Heart a Flutter Friday - I'm a Fan

2011-01-14T16:05:00.000-08:00

Dudes! This week has just flown by!! I can't believe it's already Friday. I'm not complaining; I get a 3 day weekend! Sorry for the sparse posting; it's just been one of those weeks (in a good way).
Today I want to feature the work of an artist I've been watching. I'm totally in love with her creatures & have every intention of adopting some of them to fill my home with happy chatter. I hope you love them as much as I do!

Peaceful

Pink Worm Listens to Some Jams

Everything Wonderful Happens Here

Dubious Orange Kitty

Tiny Village

We Are Intellectuals

You're Doing Everything Right

High Tide

And this one is from me to you:

Things I'm Thankful For

If you like what you see here, you can find much more in her Etsy shop and on her blog. It's adorable and totally affordable!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:

~ all of y'alls awesome comments on Potential! Thanks!

~ a 3-day weekend to look forward to!

~ totally rad mixed CDS

xo! n.

Potential.

2011-01-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

I sometimes whinge and whine about being single; most of my friends are in serious relationships if not married, and I sometimes feel like The Last Single Girl (hey, that could be a good title for a movie... cast me!). But you know what's awesome about being single?

Dates.

Yes! The actual act of going on dates almost always fades out of a long-term relationship, and even in those that deem "date nights" important, the need to impress each other fades. Which is a nice thing, comfort is great, but sometimes it's fun to take a chance, to feel nervous, and to have no clue what you're getting into.

Especially when the date hits it out of the park.

Cut to my Sunday. Now, y'all, I'm telling you this because I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, I'm just 29 and living in Los Angeles -- I'm on eHarmony. And I'd been emailing with this particular guy, we'll call him B, for about a week. I'm a big proponent of meeting relatively early on because there's only so much you can tell from emails and a few pictures; to feel someone's energy & real compatibility, you have to spend some time with them.

So I suggested meeting & he suggested LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). Perfect.

We met in the forest of streetlamps in front of the building; he looked like his pictures and bought my admission. The museum was pretty full, which aided our mutual non-reverence; we weren't being disrespectful, but were there to enjoy ourselves & immediately feel into an easy dialogue making up silly stories about the Indian art we were looking at.

We discovered a Jerry Springer plot in a painting of a nobleman with his handmaidens, and identified India's Siskel & Ebert of the 1700s. We were cracking ourselves up. We tried to be quiet, but noticed a few people giggling around us, and one couple even joined in & added to our story.

We stood for a while in front of this painting, imagining the dinners this very dysfunctional family might've had.

As we wandered around, we got to know each other better and the art helped us avoid awkward silences by inspiring questions like, what's your background, and where've you traveled? It may sound like a stuffy location but because of its somewhat interactive nature, it was actually the perfect place for a first date - boys, take note!

When we got hungry, we headed to a shabu-shabu place down the street (if you don't know, it's a Japanese cook-your-own-food style restaurant), where we talked over the steam of seaweed water boiling our beef & veggies. Dinner led to a discussion of karaoke (naturally), so we headed to a bar and picked each other's songs over the riot of a very large birthday party.

very dark small pictures from my phone...

That's right, I said we picked each other's songs. As in, neither of us knew what we were singing until we were standing up there with a mic in our hands. So not only did I do karaoke on a first date, I did blind karaoke on a first date. What am I, crazy??? Eh. It's all part of the fun.

I had to sing Gwen Stefani, Hollaback Girl, and he had to sing Boys II Men, I'll Make Love to You (just because it's funny, don't go thinking dirty, it's a first date) - and we totally rocked it.

He was a total gentleman. Besides a few "that's what she said"s (which, let's face it, I probably initiated) and a running Indian-exhibit-inspired joke about the kama sutra, he held doors for me, was hands-off, and even picked up the tab (which the Very Independent Woman that I am fought against, but he refused to budge).

I'm pretty sure it was the best first date I've ever been on. That's what they all should be: fun, silly, spontaneous, full of conversation & laughter, not an awkward meal & silent movie, or some dude drooling all over you waiting for the end of the night to make a move.

So, I don't know, it may not go anywhere, but there will definitely be a second date and, hey, sometimes it's just nice to be reminded that dates like this DO exist. :)

Today I am so grateful & happy for:

~ a fun day with a good guy

~ time to write

~ my new phone is working (and puuuurty!)

xo! n.

Lovely Los Angeles

2011-01-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the farmer's market and hiking with some friends & then out for a 3 hour dinner with another friend; it's days like this that make me love LA.

Today I'm so grateful & happy for:
~ great friends
~ delicious fresh food (and eggs worth standing in line for)
~ a new phone!

xo! n.

Heart a flutter Friday - Get Cozy.

2011-01-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday everyone!! It's been quite a week for me; being back at work after a long vacation is... well... uuuuhhhggg... But we got through it, didn't we? So now it's time to celebrate!

Here are some soft and fuzzy things to keep your imagination cozy this January weekend:

Boho Slouchy Cabled Hat by Knittingcate on Etsy

I love all the subtle colors in this hat and the thick cable knit. Wearing this, you'd bring a little confetti splash of unexpected color to a grey winter day, while still keeping warm and looking cool.

Small Moon Jellyfish in Organic Cotton by Awkward on Etsy

Strange and wonderful. How cute would this be in a bohemian beach bungalow? Or just hanging in my window so I can imagine I'm in a bohemian beach bungalow... :)

Hand Embroidered Pendant by Merriweathercouncil on Etsy

So pretty, simple and tactile. Vintage inspired but kinda silly and fun.

Cowl Top by Replicca on Etsy

This looks sooooo comfy cozy; it bet it feels like a sweatshirt but it looks adorable! And ladies, it's built in such a way that will flatter your boobies & hide that winter tummy... just sayin is all...

Campfire print by Groundwork on Etsy

It may be cold outside, but you'll feel warm and safe around this campfire.

Nero Square Crochet Ring by gitte on Etsy

It's like a sweater for your finger! Finally a big ring I can't knock someone out with!

Well, there you have it; I hope you all have a lovely, cozy weekend and stay warm!

Today I am so happy and grateful for:

~ clarity

~ options

~ strength

xo! n.

Holiday Recap

2011-01-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

My 2010 Holiday season involved...

A fat cat sneaking under the covers, curling up soft next to my stomach and purring so loud I could hear it through my pillow.

Quality time with one of my favorite people, my momma.

All day Christmas eve cooking - homemade pierogies from my great-grandma's recipie, attempted from scratch for the very first time since she made them.

Giving up on pierogi dough & resorting to wonton wrappers with homemade filling. Still delicious.

Waking up on Christmas morning, looking out the window, and saying "aw it didn't sno-- IT'S SNOWING!!" and watching it flurry for a few hours without sticking. The closest I've ever gotten to a white Christmas.

Sufjan Stevens & Manheim Steamroller & George Winston & Harry Connick, Jr. carols.

Relaxed laughter with family and a Christmas dinner that involved snoring dogs, bra ornaments, snacking for hours, and everyone feeling happy, thankful and loved.

Lots of movies.

Eleven hours driving down the east coast in snow, slush & ice the day after Christmas.

Singing loud to mom's old-school CDs - Barenaked Ladies & Counting Crows - to keep us from going insane stuck in the car.

Emotional upheaval (but ultimately, in a good way).

My brother dancing with my dad's dog in front of a crackling fire.

Re-exploring the town I grew up in and visiting our old house with new tenants, piecing together our family after big changes, thinking about the future and the past. Bittersweet but calm.

Tons of sweet tea, cookies, pie, wine, specialty beers, and a homemade salad dressing that involved lots and lots of bacon fat. Mmmmm...

Gathering around the kitchen to watch my brother's awesome knife skills & cooking talent. Beautiful food. Needing to audibly groan with every bite, it's that delicious.

Anticipation & disappointment (people, not things), tears, full-on honesty, acceptance, letting go, moving forward from here. A resolution of communication. A fittingly big ending on the last day of the year.

Balloons covering the ceiling, streamers covering the floor, vintage covering me. Champagne, dirty martinis and the people that always make everything better.

Staying in PJs for hours under blankets, watching the Rose Bowl Parade and playing a ridiculous giggle & fake vomit -inducing game of "would you rather."

Delicious, nutritious & charmed Hoppin' John and wassail for 2011 luck.

"The Office" Clue game, old-school Monopoly, "Fantastic Mr. Fox," rocky road ice cream and staying up too late, sleeping in too long.

Rainy day laziness, holding hands, free lunch and new friends (including a puppy!) on an almost-24-hour-long date.

All in all, it was an appropriate ending to 2010 and a really wonderful beginning of 2011. I hope y'all had the same.

I'm back, and I promise that not only will I be writing more often, I also have a big announcement up my sleeve this month, so stay tuned...

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ spending time with people I love on both coasts
~ beginnings
~ silliness & laughter

xo! n.

5...4...3...2... Happy Heart a Flutter Friday!!

2010-12-31T12:21:00.000-08:00

Holey moley, I am not so great at keeping up my blog whilst traveling - especially when it's family time. I apologize for my week's absence. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday (I will update you on mine this week) and are celebrating tonight!

I like to sparkle on New Years Eve; there's no better time to rock sequins. In honor of bright and shiny new 2011, here's a bedazzled Heart a Flutter Friday!

Giselle Silk Clutch by Julia Sherry Designs on Etsy

This is beautiful. Wintery & simple, with just the right amount of bling, and the perfect size for your camera, phone, card and lip gloss - because what else do you need on NYE?

Peacock Pumps by LaPlumeEthere on Etsy

I'm quite sure I would ruin these immediately, but oh lordy it'd be worth it. Funnest. Shoes. Ever.

Lace & Rhinestone Tattoo Tights by Lalilouche on Etsy

I don't know that I have the legs to wear these, but what an unexpected shine these would bring to that perfect LBD. And what better time for sparkly tights than while you're cheersing bubbly?

Vintage Rhinestone Bracelet by LilahBelleVintage on Etsy

I am diggin' gold lately, and you'd be sure to feel rich with this on your wrist. Also, if any bar fights break out, this looks pointy and heavy enough to use as a weapon.

Onyx Black Glass & Rhinestone Drop Earrings by AngelPearls on Etsy

Gor-ge-ous. I would feel like a glamorous international spy at a cocktail party in the 1950's with these on. I think they'd improve my small talk skills. Seriously.

LA Woman Upcycled Vintage Cocktail Ring by TheBlackSwanTheory on Etsy

How FUN is this!!? And I am an LA woman, so it's totally made for me! It's like a badge of bling for your hand, or a sparkly curtain for your knuckles. Also, you can use it to blind people with its shine.

Ball Drop - Gold Cascade Headband by deLoop on Etsy

I look like a 12 year old in headbands, but they look fab on my friend Chick & I know she could rock this one out fo sho. Maybe it's even rad enough to look good on me, too. It's like golden fireworks in your hair, but a hell of a lot less painful.

Vegas Baby - Vintage dress by Chloezilla on Etsy

OK let's just talk a second about how insane & diva this dress is. And about how really, the only time most people can get away with wearing it is on NYE. I would shimmy and shake all over the place like a flapper; I bet it jangles so wonderfully.

I have had an AMAZING 2010 & am looking forward to an even better 2011.

Happy & healthy & better than you can ever imagine New Year, everyone!!!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:

~ the awesomeness that was 2010

~ the brilliance that will be 2011

~ holidays with family

~ my big big joyful life!!

xo! n.

Heart a flutter Friday: Silent Night

2010-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve!

I'm not going to tempt you with images of things you could've gotten, now that it's too late to shop, and besides, what's making my heart flutter today isn't things, it's my family's love and the joy of Christmas. And peirogies. Yum.

Wherever you are, whatever your holiday plans, whatever you celebrate,

may your Christmas be merry and bright

...and may you be just SO grateful & happy.

All my love,

xo! n.

[image from weheartit]

What is love?

2010-12-23T08:48:00.000-08:00

Is it heart-pounding, spine-tingling, butterflies & stammering; craving someone like an insatiable hunger in the pit of your stomach?

Is it wanting to curl up inside someone, closer than skin, so deeply that they become a part of you and their actions are an extension of your own?

Is it trusting someone with your only, fragile heart, taking walls down block by block and being honest, no matter how hard or how many times you've been hurt?

Is it comfort, feeling accepted as your real full self, warm fuzzies and a soft feeling of prevailing happiness?

Is it laughing with someone, feeling they enrich every experience & simply just wanting them around?

Does it hit you like a lightning bolt, scorching, or does it creep up and around you like a slow-growing vine?

Is there a right person or just a right time?

...don't go getting your panties in a twist, I'm not in love, I've just been thinking about it a lot. It's the holidays, there are engagement ring commercials all over the dang place, and I'm remembering the last (and only) time I was in love, how dramatic it was, and wondering if I will ever feel like that again or if the next time will be completely different...

What do you think? Is love the Aha! moment it's depicted as in movies? Or is is an ebb and flow of feelings? Those of you in love, did you just know or did it grow over time? I'm in a listening mood, tell me your story!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ a fat soft kitty
~ coooooooold Christmas weather
~ talking about the elephant ;)

xo! n.

[photo from weheartit]

20SB Blog Swap!

2010-12-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

I participated (a little late) in the 20 Something Bloggers 2010 Blog Swap & got paired with the lovely Linda! Below is her guest post, and mine is on her blog, I'm a Big Girl, I can Handle It. Enjoy!

Action: What will you do next year that you’ve been putting off for too long!?!?
Since this is an article for the 20 Something Bloggers (20SB) blog swap, and this post is currently on Nikki's blog, I will introduce myself.

My name is Linda and I am a 23yr old black African lesbian...living in London. I just finished uni and I am currently searching for a graduate job...my blog is pretty much my online diary...it tells a story about my life as it happens...it tells a story about me and topics I am passionate about...things that make me happy...and things that don't...it shows how much of a contradiction I am sometimes!!
So now I’ll stop blabbing about me...and get right on to the topic at hand...what will I do next year that I have been putting off for too long!?!?

Now I hope I don't sound too cliché...but something I have been putting off for too long is losing weight...and keeping it off for good!!!
When I came to the UK for my studies, I was a perfect size 12 and now I am somewhere between 16 and 18...no jokes :-(
The weight gain started in my first year of uni...when I became solely responsible for my food...I was the queen of takeaways, fries, pizzas, chocolates, desserts, you name it!
I was in food heaven cause I didn't have anyone hovering over my shoulder...reprimanding me for eating such bad food!
The summer holidays after my first year...I went back home to Nigeria a size 18...and was immediately put on a diet/exercise program by my Dad....I returned for my second year a size 12.
Pity Daddy was not there to count the calories cause by my 3rd year...I was back to size 18...again!
My fourth year of uni was spent working as part of my degree...and I successfully managed to drop to a size 12/14 on my own...by being a gym junkie and calorie counting...
Unfortunately, I still had one year of uni to go...and it all went downhill...yet again!!!!
I finished my first course a size 16...went on to do another masters for one year...and finished that a size 18...and that is where I am at the moment...5years of uni...and 1year working...
i find it funny that whenever I am away from uni I seem to be able to lose weight but reverse is the case when I still have coursework to hand in...I am so sure that being at uni is a major cause of my weight gain because I have lost 10kg since I left in Sept!!!
I used to think it was stress-induced...but the year I spent working was mega-stressful but I lost weight...the life I have at the moment after uni is mega-stressful but I am losing weight...and this is the reason why I am never going back to uni...because it is a danger to my health :-P

Anyway...now I am determined to change my ways...and live a healthy lifestyle...I don't just want to lose weight...I want to be able to run up the stairs without panting...I want to be able to "run" the 2011 race for life...and I particularly want to beat one of my friends top scores on my Wii Fit...after all it is mine :-P
I don't want to be a "fattie" anymore...I don't want the love handles anymore...and I certainly don't want the "chicken wing" arms anymore :-(
I mean absolutely no offence to any full bodied women reading this...I believe that one should settle for the body size that they are comfortable with...if a woman feels good being a size 22...then by all means...that is the size that she should be...but I don't want to be a big girl anymore..I want to be slimmer...and most importantly I want to be healthier!!
I know that I can lose weight...that is not my biggest problem...the main issue is keeping the weight off...I don't want to go through the burden of losing weight and then undoing everything I have laboured for...I am not going to do that again...2011 is going to be different!!!
My plan is to get into a healthy routine...although I really want to lose weight...I want to develop a lifestyle that I can stick to...so I am not going to crash diet...or drink slimming tea...or starve myself...I would rather eat healthy...and exercise...
I want to lose weight the healthy way...and although it might not be the quickest way...I would rather do it this way than any other which would lead me to more weight gain eventually!!
So....that's it...that's my main action for next year...my goal is to be a size 12 by my 24th birthday in July...that gives me seven months to drop three dress sizes...is that unrealistic, do you think!??!
To be honest, I just want to feel better you know...so if I get to a 12...OK :-)...and if not...life goes on...as long as I feel happier and healthier :-D

Hope you all have your actions for next year...I am so excited about mine...I cant wait to lose all this weight...don't worry I'll put "before" and "after" photos for you to see :-)
I have also made my list of resolutions...and although the year is not over...I am already trying to make the much needed changes...
Isn’t it great when a new year is around the corner...I just love it...hope you do too ;-)
OK...I’ll go now...cause I could honestly go on forever...and we don't want that now...do we!?!? :-P

Happy holidays people...and I hope the new year is all you want it to be!!
Linda xx
I'm a Big Girl I can Handle It
20SB
Twitter

PS....Thank you Nikki for being my first ever blog swap partner :-)
{picture from weheartit}

Reverb10 - Release, create, love

2010-12-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.

December 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Control. I've always been an over-achiever and a worrier; I've always had a pretty tight hold on what I expect and how I'm going to get it. This year taught me that I can't control everything; I've learned I don't even want to control everything because it often turns out SO much better when I just allow things to be what they are.

December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Besides my writing... :) the last things I made were banners and signs for an event at work; I designed them in Photoshop & then the company printed them & they looked really good. But the last things I made without prompting from anyone were the art pieces I made for the last Side Work show. I sculpted wire hearts and made a lotus out of cardboard, newspaper and watercolors - picking only the positive, celebratory newspaper articles (which are really hard to find). They all sold, which was such a great feeling. I would like to do more projects like that; I always have a million crafty ideas, and I'm pretty good at executing them, but I don't put it at the top of my priority list, generally. I would definitley like to carve out more time for creating physical, beautiful things, because it gives me an instant feeling of achievement.

December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

The Stratejoy community has been THE most amazing, unexpected support group for me this year. To those of y'all that found me on SJ, thank you, from the bottom of my heart; you've made the experience of writing cathartic, meaningful, and so very joyful for me. In 2011 I really want to connect more deeply with that community and with similar people; I want to create an inspirational community (plans are in the works & expect something new & shiny to be revealed in January!!!)

Also, my LA "family" of friends has been an amazing, supportive community for me through this year of ups and downs, lefts and rights, confusion and clarity. Through each step, they've said with a laugh, "we can't keep up with you, but we love you and are so excited for you." On Thanksgiving, I looked around at a living room full of friends and thought: I love ALL of these people. So much. Thanks, y'all.

Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ catching up :)
~ Christmas champagne
~ a busy busy week/weekend with friends

xo! n.

[photo: my art display at Side Work]

Heart a-flutter Friday

2010-12-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Happy Happy Friday, Lovlies! It's only one week til Christmas Eve!

If you still need some last-minute gifts, I hope this inspires you to get out there & get your shopping done; Christmas isn't meant to be stressful! Finish it up so you can celebrate.

Recycled Hanging Pendant Lights by BootsNGus on Etsy

I want these in my future home. They're funky & repurposed & retro & adorable; how fun would a grouping of these be over a dining room table? Girly nesting sigh.

Feather Earrings by MetalWendler on Etsy

SO FUN. I know feathers are a hipster trend, but just a little touch like this, in a bright color (and sans pointless forehead headband), could be a really cool addition to any basic outift.

Skinny Leather Bangles by AmyFine on Etsy

These bracelets with the earrings above? Check. Instant coolness & Silverlake street cred.

Earthy Cheese Plate by LennyMud on Etsy

I LOVE this. I know it looks like someone spilled stuff all over it, but there's just something so neat about it. The colors, textures, and especially the raised sides make a serving plate I'd want to display, even when I'm not slicing up some cheese (but, let's face it, when is that??)

Sweater Bangle Crochet Bracelet by MyGiantStrawberry on Etsy

Adorable. I want to wear this and a long hippie skirt whilst weaving daises in my hair. Or, you know, on a Tuesday. Just bohemian enough to go with everything.

Coffee Clutch & Moleskine Notebook Set by TheWren on Etsy

This recycled clutch is really cute AND it comes with a moleskine notebook!! Done and done.

Matte Gold Modern Triangle Earrings by AllisonMooney on Etsy

These are simple, lovely and charmingly irregular. Understated enough to wear everyday and pretty enough for a special event, these are a go-to alternative to tired old hoops.

Original Floral Painting by KarenFieldsGallery on Etsy

This is actually my second cousin's shop! But I'm not playing favorites; I adore the colors in this bold painting. How lovely would a room be, decorated in colors from this painting!?

And that's Friday, folks! I'm off work for two whole weeks for the holidays, so I'm a happy girl!

Have a wonderful, fabulous weekend!

Today I'm so happy and grateful for:

~ the last day of work before a vacation

~ Christmas presents arriving

~ holiday festivities with heaps of friends!

xo! n.

A Portrait

2010-12-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

I step out of the house in too-big boots that clack on cement and crunch golden leaves as my feet slide inside, skinny jeans (I've succumbed) tucked snugly in. A woven hat that perches back on my head drooping like a wooly empty pillowcase hides my still-wet hair. The dark green courdoury blazer and gold pashmina tied as a scarf that've become my winter uniform hide whatever possibly cute, probably bummy shirt I've chosen for the day. A faded purse weighs my shoulder; I carry my coffee in one hand, keys in the other. My neighborhood is alive but always quiet; it is sleepy and still as I cross the street to my beat-up car, in which I sit, waiting for the engine and my hands to warm. It's 50 degrees and I'm pathetically freezing.

This is winter nikki.

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ finding flavored coffee creamer (the little ones from a gas station) in my desk - I'd forgotten about them!
~ fresh, free sushi lunch
~ a yummy-smelling soy candle in my office

xo! n.

[photo source]

Reverb10 - Distraction, focus & awe

2010-12-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

Totally behind. Don't care. Working at my own pace. Please forgive. :)

To participate in the Reverb10 prompts, reflect on 2010 and manifest for 2011, check 'em out here.

December 2 - Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

Facebook, gmail chatting, watching TV. I could definitely eliminate them but their siren song is so loud... Actually, facebook isn't that much of a time-suck for me; I don't stalk so once I've seen the most recent stuff on my news feed, I'm good. Chatting is a huge waste of time, but it's a big part of how I keep in touch with people, so it's easy to justify. I can certianly either sign out of gmail (or ichat) OR turn my icon to "do not disturb" for at least an hour or so every day while I'm writing; I know that'd be a good idea. I don't really watch much TV, but I live with 4 other people so when I'm in the living room or kitchen, it's usually on. Some days I'm sick of sitting in my room and some days I want to be a little more social, but I guess I need to tell myself I can go into the living room when I'm done writing. It'll be my reward. :)

December 3 - Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (textures, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I. Am. Terrified. I'm sitting on the floor surrounded by some of my closest friends & most inspiring artists, a half-empty bag of doritos, and my expectant laptop. I've committed to facing one of my biggest fears, and I know that soon the attention will turn to me and there will be no more excuses.

Someone reminds the group that I brought in a song, and everyone smiles at me, not understanding my anxiety but showering me with love. My stomach knots. I play the song on my laptop, not singing along, and everyone listens. Then: "why didn't you sing?" "OK now sing it." "She needs a band." Instruments are fetched, unexpectedly, and everyone looks at me, tuned and ready. My stomach double-knots. I might throw up. Deep, shaky breath, and...

I sing.

Johnny comes in on guitar, Jamey comes in on trumpet, Mary starts shaking the crumpled dorito bag like a maracca. Everyone is humming along, swaying, attempting harmony. My voice rises above them, floating on their beautiful cacaophany like it was meant for this, like it's been waiting it's whole misused life for this expression of joy.

And suddenly... it's not so scary.

December 4 - Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

By doing things I've never done, never knew I would or could do, never expected to do. By keeping myself, however difficult, open - really OPEN - to everything that came into my life this year. By not allowing myself to get bored or jaded or hold on too tightly to how things are "supposed" to be. By giving myself a break & allowing myself to sit still with no purpose or plan.

Let me know your answers to the Reverb questions!

xo! n.

In good company

2010-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

by the brilliant Spanish illustrator Alex Noriega

Sorry I've been absent this weekend; with the holidays coming up I've been extra busy. Hope you had a lovely weekend & are starting the week feeling fresh & awesome. :)

Today I am so happy & grateful for:

~ cookie baking parties (thanks, Brie!)

~ inspiring, motivating friends

~ 2am hot chocolate dates

xo! n.

Heart a-flutter Friday: the Practical Edition

2010-12-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!

I've been featuring lovely things that set my heart fluttering from their sheer beauty, things I may not need (no one really needs) but that give me a feeling of WANT. But sometimes the practical side of me speaks up and screams WANT and my heart, though not exactly fluttering, has to agree. So today's selection of lovliness is more useful than yearned-for, but should still give you some great gift ideas...

TuGo Beverage Carrier

This is BRILLIANT. I usually travel alone, and I cannot tell you how many times I've spilled scalding coffee all over myself while trying to manage my carry-on suitcase, giant purse (let's face it, it's basically a suitcase disguised as a purse), my boarding pass and my 4am (or whatever ungodly hour I'm traveling) coffee. With this nifty contraption, maybe I can even navigate the airport with a drink AND food! (or maybe I shouldn't push my luck...)

Lights Out Sleep Mask

Yes, you will look a bit like an alien in this. But it will be super awesomely useful when you're on a red-eye flight, taking a daytime nap, or just hungover and allergic to light. The pop-out eyeballs allow for REM sleep so you can get a better rest than traditional eye masks. I'll be dreaming of sugarplums and candy canes. Droool...

Lap Desk

I haven't had a lap desk since I was a kid, and I really don't know why not. I do lots of writing in bed & on the couch (so lazy!), usually with a cup of coffee or tea by my side. This desk not only tilts for my comfort (!) but has a separate tray for my beverage of choice (!!) so I can be sure to not spill peppermint hot chocolate all over my keyboard.

Zinnia Sandwich Sak by WasteNotSaks on Etsy

Beautiful, practical AND earth-friendly! Ditch the plastic ziplock bags - this is a machine washable snack bag that comes in different sizes & patterns; it looks so stylish no one needs to know you're hoarding food in your purse for that inevitable afternoon slump...

Reusable, foldable bags by Baggu

I try to be green, but I always forget my reusable bags. These fold up into a purse-sized 5'x5' pouch, expand to hold the contents of 3 plastic bags & you can even get a pack of three! They're so little, I can keep them with me all the time. AND they come in lots of beeeautiful colors!

Chrysanthemum Hoop Pinboard by BlissInATeacup on Etsy

This is a lovely, useful idea. Instead of a traditional jewlery box or corkboard, why not use a sweet fabric pinboard like this one to hang necklaces, earrings, notes, photos, etc - it's a useful piece of art!

Cottage Wall Shelf by ACountryWay on Etsy

Purty and practical, I LOVE that this shelf has a mason jar vase IN it. I would hang cozy blankets from the hooks and maybe stack some vintage books on top... with fresh flowers in the jar, of course.

And that's it for today!

Do any of you have great practical present ideas? Please share!

Hope you have a magical winter weekend!

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ Etsy, my go-to present & creative inspiration source

~ yogurt-covered pretzels - yum.

~ the weeeeeeekeeeeend!!!

xo! n.

Reverb 10 - Just one thing

2010-12-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

...is a super cool initiative set up by some super cool people for reviewing this past year and creating for the new year. As per usual, I'm late in hearing about it (I'm pretty dang rad but I tend to be a bit behind when it comes to pop culture & the "in" stuff) by about a week, so although it's meant to be a daily prompt, I'll be playing a little bit of catch up.

If you want to play along, visit them here; the questions can be journaled or blogged or just thought about. I have had an incredible, strange year in 2010 and would really like to focus my energies in 2011; I'm hoping this gives me a place to start.

Here goes...

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010 has been Unexpected.
I started the year in Australia, rang it in with fireworks and boys streaking down a Queensland beach. I hadn't planned to be there for New Year's, yet there I was, and I was loving it. A little over a month later, I was in LA, selling my furniture to move to DC when out of the blue I was cast in a movie. My planned two month cross-country road trip turned into a two-week drive up the California coast with my mom; we kayaked, rode horses, window-shopped and hiked. I returned to an incredible few days on set, doing what I'd been preparing for my whole life, and knowing I was good at it. I slept on my friends couch for a month until a perfect month-to-month deal found me & I moved into a room with borrowed furniture. I found the JetBlue all-you-can-jet pass just in time, had nothing holding me back & a friend who could sublease, so I spent 6 weeks flying from city to city, seeing new places & old friends. On my way back to LA, a job fell in my lap so I took it.

Everything about this year has been unplanned or anti-my-plan. It's been wonderful (and looking back on it that succinctly, I can't believe I fit all that in one year!) but it's also been stressful. At every turn, I've wondered if I'm still on the right path; each new opportunity brought at least as much fear as it did joy.

2011 will be Purposeful.
I don't think life gets much more wander-y and directionless than my 2010. And it's been lovely. It's given me a lot of insight as to what I want out of my life and what my ultimate (read: overreaching, big-picture, whole-life) goals are. I'm not sure of the specifics or how to get there, but I know the life I want - the love, the freedom, the creativity, the exploration, the balance, and the joy that I will have, no matter what the job, the home, the city or the relationship look like. Now is the time to take those dreams that are starting to come into focus and pursue them, even if that pursuit takes me down a few dead ends; it's time for action.

I will purposefully seek out ways to bring more of the things I want into my life. I will live with purposeful intention & not just let days pass me by. I will trust that as long as I'm living with my purpose in mind, "failure" is ok & there are no wrong choices, only avenues that lead to other avenues toward my goals. It is the year for clarity and purposeful, joyful action.

What are your words for 2010 & 2011? Feel free to tell me in the comments or link to your Reverb blog post. I'd really love to hear.

Today I am so grateful & happy for reflection & self-awareness.

xo! n.

[awesome quote source]

Spreading Christmas Cheer!

2010-12-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

My weekend was very festive!

Saturday Teeter, Chick and I were elves at Santa's Workshop at the Magic Castle. We tray passed milk and cookies, helped kids stuff bears & bunnies and decorate wooden cars & trucks, and hung out with Santa and Mrs. Claus. Don't be surprised if you see a Christmas card that looks a lot like this in your mailbox this year...

And do you see those hot elf shoes Teeter's sporting? I had a first date later that night & on a dare from Chick, totally rocked those shoes to the coffee shop. Oh yeah. Luckily, I think he found it more funny than weird... :)

Meanwhile, my new house underwent a transformation! The landlord finally pulled up our nasty 20-year old carpet so now we have wood floors upstairs in the living room!! She's not refinishing them until we move out (fair enough) so they're very stained and scratched, but it still looks two billion times better than the carpet did. We have a Christmas tree, too, and the TV's been mounted above the fireplace (instead of in front of it), and all these lovely new elements make for a house that really looks like a welcoming home instead of a dirty frat pad. Yahoo!

Then, on Sunday, after a gray day sitting in my pjs with football on the TV & a cup of coffee in hand, I headed over to Teeter & Chick's house to help them decorate for Christmas! We watched old-school Rudolph (Santa's a butthole in that movie!) and sipped hot chocolate.

It's been quite a lovely weekend. How was yours?

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ Christmas decorating
~ clarity & calm
~ french press coffee

xo! n.

Heart a-flutter Friday

2010-12-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's Friday again lovely people!

Ceramic Eco-Friendly Travel Mug by Yevgenia on Etsy

This handpainted mug is perfect for the on-the-go, environmentally friendly person on your list (and it comes in lots of different colors & patterns, most of which remind me of illustrations from children's books!). My grandma paints porcelin, so I'd probably get her to make one for me, but for those of you with non-artistic grannies, this might add just the right amount of class to your morning coffee.

Love Note Mini's by VicinityStudio on Etsy

If I had a bf, you'd better believe I'd be hiding these all around his house. Crazy? I don't care. They're too dang adorable to not use 'em all!

Mini Goals Chalkboard by MaryKateMcDevitt on Etsy

A beautiful space for your daily To Do list that cheers you on! Hooray!

The True Romantic Pouch by Aylla on Etsy

So cute and simple. It looks rugged enough to use everyday (or to survive ME using it - I am rough on things!) but the blue ruffle pocket dresses it up so it could be the perfect clutch for a low-key girls night or date.

Agate Druzy Sterling Silver Ring by DreamsandJewlery on Etsy

Isn't this stone just incredible!!?? It kind of looks like something alien or alive - it's almost a little gross... but gorgeous at the same time. Maybe for the horror-fan jewlery-wearer on your list?

iPhone case by CoolBeans717 on Etsy

I consider my ipod on shuffle the giantest most awesomest mix tape ever. For any music-loving child of the '80s with an ipod.

Rustic Stoneware Dinnerware by OneClayBead on Etsy

LOVE these bright colors and the uneven, handmade feel of these dishes; the bottoms of them are unglazed & covered in lovely patterns. They look like a kid made them - an art-genius, stylish, super-kid. Like how my future kid will be. ;)

Charm Bangles by MetalsGirl on Etsy

These bangle bracelets are so neat; not only can you personalize them with a word (like believe or courage or dream), but the other charm is an herb cast in resin & each herb holds a distinct significance (for example, cloves are for love & protection, thyme is for cleansing). I'm a bit of a hippie so I love this idea & they're super pretty to boot. I want at least three of them to jingle jangle all up & down my arm!

There you have it! Hope your heart is as pleasantly a-flutter as mine is. Have a dreamy weekend.

Today I'm so grateful & happy for:

~ gift-giving season

~ lovely blues & turquoises (there are a lot of blues catching my eye today!)

~ all the great comments I've been getting all this new series - thank you so much for visiting my blog!

xo! n.

Ten Holiday Faves

2010-12-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's December!! Can you believe it?

My ten favorite things about the Holiday season are:

10. Christmas carols! You know 'em, you love 'em, you know you love 'em.

9. Holiday flavored coffee creamer: Sugar and Spice, Gingerbread, Eggnog, mmmm... drooool...

8. Scarves. Even in the SoCal climate, they're a fashionable winter accessory.

7. Christmas cards!! I NEVER get snail mail anymore - except during the holidays.

6. Cookies - gingerbread, sugar, peanut butter chocolate... you're supposed to pig out!

5. Presents - I love the surprise of unwrapping something mysterious.

4. Twinkly Christmas lights. Everywhere.

3. Everyone says "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" - everyone! To strangers! Even in LA!!

2. Presents - I LOVE giving someone that perfect gift & seeing their face light up!

And the #1 thing I love about the Holiday season is... (don't judge)...

1. Cheesy Lifetme/Hallmark Channel made-for-TV Holiday movies!!!!! * I know, I know, it sounds so lame, but there is really nothing better than curling up on the sofa on a cold winter night with a hot chocolate (or glass of red wine), snuggled up in a blanket with a you-know-how-it's-gonna-end-but-it-still-warms-your-heart-makes-you-giggle-and-probably-makes-you-cry-a-little movie. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

I am so grateful & happy that it's Christmastime!!!

*Actually, my real #1 favorite thing is spending time with (or at least connecting with, if I can't physically be there) the people I love the most. But that's a given. :)

What's your favorite thing about the Holiday season?

[photos from here here and here]

Out of place, out of time

2010-11-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

Today's been an odd day.

All day long, I've been feeling like I'm somewhere else. Not like I should be somewhere or like my mind is somewhere in daydreams, but actually thinking I'm in a different physical place than I actually am. On the way to work, my senses told me it was 61 and sunny, California winter, but I caught myself actually believing there was snow on the ground and for a second thought I was driving to my Grandma's house in Virginia. After work, at the grocery store, I got the very distinct feeling that I was in Tesco's in London, quietly foreign.

It's the feeling you get when you're drifting off to sleep, not knowing yet that you're asleep, and you feel the unmistakable sensation of falling, just for a fraction of a second, just enough to set your heart pounding, before you jerk awake, suddenly, strangely, fully aware of your mattress and sheets and very alive body.

Maybe it's a premonition or its less frightening and more stubborn father, a memory. Maybe it's a wrinkle in time and I'm feeling the lives of my other selves. Maybe it's just early onset dementia.

Whatever it is, it's made for an oddly dreamlike day. Have you ever felt inexplicably out-of-reality?

I am so happy and grateful for:
~ homemade vegan cookies (thanks, Sally!)
~ phone calls with momma
~ imagination

xo! n.

[photo source]

Thanksgiving Shenanigans!

2010-11-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 8am Thanksgiving day & drove over to Teeter & Chick's house in my PJs to watch the parade. I had coffee & peanut-butter-chocolate cake for breakfast, just warming my body up for the gluttony that was to ensue.

I talked to my dad on the phone and texted my brother (we had just talked), and I skyped with my mom and got to see and say hi to my cousins, aunt and grandma, who are all enjoying a rented mountain cabin for the holiday. It's the first time mom & I have video chatted, besides on Christmas last year when I was in Australia, and the fact that we can do that, and feel like we're in the same room, still blows my mind.

Then we all got dressed, me in a vintage inspired brown dress with the most adorable little half-apron AB sent me from Australia a couple years ago, looking like I just stepped out of the 1950s. We made ourselves pumpkin-juice cocktails (with the pumpkin juice from Harry Potter!!) as we snacked on appetizers and watched football.

People slowly started to arrive - we ended up with about 15 people for dinner, with another 5 or so showing up after for desserts and games - and we started cooking. Chick and I made the turkey (which, despite looking frightfully crispy early on, ended up perfect!) with a burbon-orange marinade, and I also made a fresh, from scratch, cranberry relish, cran-orange pecan stuffing, and ginger glazed carrots & sugar snap peas. I felt very domestic and they all turned out happily deeeeelish.

We found the most awesome (and by "most awesome" I mean "absolute worst" and by "absolute worst" I mean "so very bad that it's so very good") Thanksgiving horror - you heard right, horror movie - ThanksKilling. Oh yeah. It was a deranged turkey killing people & stealing their identities and actually fooling people, despite the fact that it's 2 feet tall and feathered, into thinking it's a person. It was hilarious and got us through our food comas.

Then it was game time. Of course we played catchphrase, our go-to game, and then we played truth or dare on a friend's iphone, which sent us all into fits of giggles. I had to look just slightly to the left of people when they spoke to me and melt an ice cube in my armpit, and all the dares were goofy like that.

Then we played Apples to Apples, and just when I thought people were going to start leaving, we got a whole second wind, second wave of people and ended up staying up til 4am (!!) playing Mafia.

It's ridiculous, really, who do we think we are, a bunch of late-20s early-30s jokers staying up all night? Three of us crashed on the couch (luckily they have quite a large couch) and woke up around noon Friday, hungover and ready for Teeter's blueberry pancakes and a day of movie-watching.

We had a P-jammer jammie party; Teeter, Sean & I stayed in our PJs all day (a few other people joined us but we were the only ones in PJs), laying on the couch, eating leftovers and watching movie after movie. It was a complete waste of the day, indulgent and wonderful. Even Chick & Todd's two kittens joined us in the laziness.

It was a really fantastic Thanksgiving, full of friendship, laughter, ridiculousness and great food. I hope you all had a lovely, thanks-filled Thanksgiving, and are enjoying a relaxing long weekend!

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ being able to spend Thanksgiving with these great friends (I wasn't supposed to still be living here!)
~ Skype
~ silly games & friends that are silly enough to play
~ a day where it's ok to be a lazy lump

xo! n.

Heart a flutter Friday: Christmastime is here!

2010-11-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday after Thanksgiving, y'all! It's officially the Christmas season!

As you enjoy your leftover turkey & cran & stuffing sandwich (you know you love it!) and avoiding getting trampled at Black Friday sales, check out this special Christmas edition of heart a flutter Friday from the comfort of your cozy couch...

Happy Holiday Clutch Purse by MermaidsDream on Etsy

Adorable! Festively embroidered without that ugly-sweater-your-great-aunt-knitted-you look.

Red Elf Ring by PaperSparrow on Etsy

Let this cute little guy hang out on your finger all season long; tell him all your wishes and he can be your direct line to Santa!

Vintage Double Snowflake Necklace by Farandtwee on Etsy

So 50's and lovely. The perfect winter accessory to add some sparkle to that little black holiday party dress!

4 Lacy Bird Ornaments by PrinceDesignUK on Etsy

These birdies are so sweet! You could hang them on the tree, of course, but I'd probably hang them in a window, to bring a little snowy charm to my green LA holidays.

Retro Christmas Apron Gidget by SugarandspiceAprons on Etsy

Oh my!! I could cook all day in this pretty little apron; I'd be twirling and flouncing around the kitchen! Domesticity never looked so good!

Letterpress Holiday Coaster Set by 1canoe2 on Etsy

If you like to pull out all the stops when it comes to Holiday decorating like my Teeter & Chick do, Christmas coasters are a must! These are hand-drawn and too cute.

Boy and Girl Reindeer Pillow Covers by DesignsbyNancyT on Etsy

Again, if you love to Christmas-up your house, these should do the trick. And, they jingle!

Chunky Vintage Emerald Green Rhinestone Earrings by SilverLiningDecor on Etsy

Reflect the lights of the Christmas tree in these gorgeous green gems and you'll dazzle everyone.

And PS, y'all, THIS is REAL:

Men's Thong Jinglebells by CaptainCamo on Etsy

Whoa!!!! I'll tell you what's NOT going on my Christmas list - this guy! YIKES. Is that misteltoe behind him...? Hee hee hee...

(despite men's thongs...) It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Today I am so grateful and happy for:

~ a whole day dedicated to giving thanks! (and eating!)

~ finding awesome presents for the people I love

~ the most deliciouso food in my belly!

xo! n.

Gobble!

2010-11-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you have a wonderful day, stuff yourself with deeeelicious food, spend time with people you love, and send out lots & lots & lots of gratitude into the universe.

So much love! I am so very thankful for my life.

xo! n.

[photo source]

Randoms.

2010-11-23T23:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to write about. But I told myself I'd write at least every other day (especially weekdays) and all day long I've been staring at a blank blogger New Post page, trying to think of something interesting to say.

I got nothin'.

I will tell you this: it is cold in LA tonight & for the first time in... wow, eight years (!), the house I live in has central heating. The steady exhalation from the vent over my bed is comforting and makes me feel like I'm back in my parents house.

I will also tell you this: there's a plant on my desk at work. It was given to me by the Ellen Show & it's not just cut flowers, it's in soil. It's not doing so well. Yesterday I trimmed all the dead blooms and leaves and everyone made fun of me & told me to just throw it away, but I can't. I can't give up on a living thing. Especially when it's my fault I didn't water it enough and now it's dying. What does that say about me?

One more thing: do you think that if, instead of arguing with people & telling them what they're doing wrong or how they could improve (however helpful and loving of a place it's coming from), if we told people what we need from them - i.e. I need to be treated with respect or I need your support - would our relationships be stronger? That sounds more selfish but is it really? Don't we all just need the same basic things at our core? If we all said what we needed out loud with no bullshit and we all listened to what other people needed, what would that be like?

Thinking too much...

Oh and ps - the other day I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. The guys from the garage attached to it came over with coat hangers & long twisted lengths of wire and worked for at least 45 minutes trying to get my car door open. I cheered them on from the passenger window. Finally, when they gave up, I called AAA who, of course, had it open in 3 seconds. I could've done that from the beginning, but it was so nice to get unsolicited, selfless help in LA, I didn't want to discourage them.

Tomorrow I will be fighting the grocery store crowds for last-minute Thanksgiving shopping. Do any of you have a good stuffing recipe?

See, I warned you it'd be random.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ my down comforter
~ paw paw ointment
~ a low-key day at work today

xo! n.

Relay of Friendship Blogger Award!

2010-11-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

I've recieved a lovely blog award from sweet *S on Our One Sweet World ! How fun!

I've been handed the baton in the relay of friendship (adorable!) and after I answer a few questions, I'll be passing it on to 5 lovely blogs!

What did you want to be when you grew up?

This question assumes that I am now grown up - lies! ;) When I was a kid, I wanted to be a librarian or archeologist, both, I think, rooted in my love of stories. Now, I'm not sure what I want to be, but I still love telling stories, travel, and helping people - so if I can find something that combines all three maybe I might actually want to grow up!

What were your favorite cartoons?

Danger Mouse. I loved that little British mouse 007 so much that on long car trips, when I'd ask my mom, "how much longer," she'd say, "three Danger Mouses" (I know it sounds like bad grammar but it's not really).

Favorite childhood game?

Any sort of make-believe; I used to pretend I was Maid Marion, Danger Mouse (of course), an orphan on the run (I loved "Annie")... I played outside alone or with friends, creating new worlds all the time.

Most favorite birthday?

As a kid, the birthday when we had a scavenger hunt that ended with us literally digging up buried treasure on the beach! Or maybe the birthday where we played a murder mystery game... As an adult, probably the year my friends kidnapped me & took me to Mexico for the weekend. I've had a lot of great birthdays. :)

Something you have always wanted to do but haven't done yet?

Write a novel, learn an instrument, see every continent (3 down, 4 more to go!) - there are SO many places in the world I want to see!

What was your first love?

Probably reading. I was a bookworm as a kid; I always got a sackful of books from the library & devoured them immediately.

First musical idol?

Embarrassingly, Mariah Carey. I used to roller skate & lip-sync to "Dreamlover" and "Hero," and I still listen to her "Merry Christmas" Album every year. Yup.

Favorite gift?

Wow, thats a tough one. I've gotten lots of wonderful gifts over the years...

If a theme song played for you everywhere you went, what would it be?

Oh it changes, pretty often, but right now it's "Clap Your Hands" by Sia - so happy & fun!

Favorite city to visit?

Well, I love to visit DC because I have so much family there (and family that doesn't live there congregates there for holidays) but Cinqueterre, Italy (specifically Monterroso) is my favorite place I've ever been... although the Whitsundays in Australia really gave it a run for its money... :)

And now I'm passing the baton to...

my lovely fellow writers on Stratejoy!!

Alisha at Stories of Sommer

Doniree of Nomadic Foodie

Marian of Marian Librarian

Renee of Belle Renee

Lindsey of LindseyK

Ladies, no worries if you're too busy to participate, but I just wanted to show y'all a little love.

Today I am so grateful and happy for:

~ internet friends

~ seeing the new Harry Potter (ooohhh sooo good!)

~ calm days at work

xo! n.

Heart a-flutter friday

2010-11-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Good Friday morning, lovely people! Get ready to droooool...

These amazing terrariums by Jo2SF on Etsy

I could sit and stare at these all day long, and feel like I was transported into another world, a little fairy world. Plus, the vintage bottles he uses to create them are just lovely.

Hand-carved Porcelin Lace Fruit Bowl by IsabelleAbramson on Etsy

How beautiful is this!!? I would be terrified to wash it for fear I'd break it, but just imagine it full of red apples and pomegranates! Sigh.

Tiny Script Initial Ring by PunkyBunny300 on Etsy

Simple and sweet; personalize it with the recipient's initials, a new last name (for a newlywed) or the initial of their loved one (like a baby's name for a new momma). Awww.

Handcrafted Messenger Bag Elie by ChicLeather on Etsy

This is so handsome. Perfect for a man or a woman; I'd feel just a bit Parisian with this slung across my shoulders, especially on a lovely little bike... with a loaf of french bread & some fresh flowers... dreamy.

Little Peacock Necklace felted charm by OrdinaryMommy on Etsy
I love the colors of this necklace AND it reminds me of a guitar pick - could be perfect for the rad, kinda folksy music-lovin' chick on your list.

Octopus Print on Antique 1890 Book Page by BlackBaroque on Etsy
Weird and wonderful. Frame it for a very unique gift or conversation-starting art.

Mustache Pint Glasses by MustacheGlass on Etsy
In honor of Movember! Just imagine the funny pictures you could take drinking from these!

Porcelain Salad Bowl by KhPhillips on Etsy
This is my friend's cousin's shop, but even if it wasn't I would still love EVERYTHING he makes. Beautiful tableware with vintage-inspired designs. I like useful art.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Today I am so happy & grateful for:

~ the new Harry Potter movie!

~ cozy nights with hot chocolate

~ sunshiny yoga

xo! n.

Everything I Need...

2010-11-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

There's a Muppet movie filming right outside my window (and let me just tell you how very happy that makes me - I love love loooooove the Muppets!!) at work this week. I can't see much of the action due to a lot of equiptment and a poorly placed church facade, but they're playing the music over and over so the dancers and puppeteers can rehearse. At first I tuned it out as just another element in the cacophany that is my on-lot work environment, but as it plays, I've been slowly picking out words, and DUDE. I so needed to hear this:

"You've got everything that you neeeeeeeed,

right in front of you!

I've got everything that I neeeeeeed,

right in front of me!

Life's a happy song..."

Oh Muppets, y'all are the freaking best.

Today I am so happy & grateful for little reminders.

xo! n.

[photo source]

The stillness is the move

2010-11-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last night, in the middle of yoga, downward dog to be exact, I had a beautiful moment of clarity. One that shook me from my core, literally; I laughed as tears streamed down (or up, I was upside-down) my face. No doubt it was brought about by my heart-opening yoga practice, but what really resonated with me was this song:

If you're not a fan of indie music, don't listen to it for its sound and feel free to ignore the super odd video - but pay attention to what they're saying.

I've always thought of this as a love song about a couple, "after all that we've been through, I know that I will always love you," but in that moment, focused on the simple act of breathing and bending, I suddenly and completely knew - it is a love song, but it's not to someone else - it's love of self.

"there is nothing we can't do
I'll see you along the way baby
the stillness is the move"

I've been beating myself up with questions and second-guessing, but it's not necessary. It will all come in time. I will be kind to myself and be still. It's my move.

I am so grateful and happy for:

~ yoga endorphins

~ Lindsey's advice to get moving

~ receptiveness

xo! n.

VIVA Eagle Rock!

2010-11-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

I heart my new neighborhood so hard.

My friend C swung by to pick me up Sunday for our Eagle Rock day of fun & when he saw me step out the door of my little red house, past hanging plants and down the sweet curving pathway to the car, he said, "you look so right coming out of that house!!"

We drove streets of wood-sided bungalows and little gabled houses with charming wide porches to Eagle Rock Blvd. and Auntie Em's Kitchen, a funky little restaurant/bakery with a seasonally fresh menu. Through the brightly colored interior, past the vintage wooden case displaying their famous cupcakes and a blonde-haired plastic skull, we settled ourselves out back below little chandeliers and next to a flourishing herb garden.

Both of us being southerners, we just 'bout flipped our shit when we saw there were cheesy sausage GRITS on the menu!!! We both wanted lighter meals but shared a side of the grits and they were incredible - perfectly cheesy and not too sausage-y with fresh tomatoes on top. And that, added to his cauliflower scramble with rosemary potatoes and my squash and fennel salad, made it a deeeeeelightful (and gorgeous!) meal.

And then, of course, we HAD to try the cupcakes. Oooohhh super delish! The little sample size was just perfect, and obviously, we demolished them.

But the best part was the conversation. C always seems to understand where I'm coming from and what's going on with me; we constantly find ourselves exclaiming "Yes!" in agreement and bursting out in laughter. I really love hanging out with him.

We wandered around, window shopped, cranked up beautiful music and let go of all the questions in our minds to just enjoy the day. We found an awesome gastropub, The York, which happens to be only one mile from my house (!) and we stopped for an afternoon pint. And guess what!!? They serve grits too! What WHAT! L-o-v-e love.

It makes me very happy to find people and places that make LA feel like home. Viva the Eagle!

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ a random day of fun
~ creative ideas & friends to bounce them off of
~ cheesy southern grits!!

xo! n.

Only in Hollywood

2010-11-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Overheard today at work:

"Muppets are shooting in the firehouse."

No! Fozzie, put down the gun! What did that dalmation ever do to you!!?? Hee heee heeeee...

xo! n.

Inspiration Strikes

2010-11-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

I sit at my desk, blinds open behind me letting the sun cast a zebra glare on my computer monitor, but I'd rather have that than the florescents on. It makes me feel a little more human to see the sunshine.

I'm learning about purchase orders after a slow morning spent perusing my favorite blogs, and the girl training me stops for a lengthy phone call. I look down at my pad of paper and doodle:

I write, "finish Stratejoy post" and "charge ipod" and then... "brainstorm"

I don't know why, it just comes out of my pen, all on its own. And next comes:

And I look at that sentence and I have a slow trickle of an epiphany. It isn't the lightning bolt kind, it isn't noticeable to my co-worker next to me, still on the phone. It's like a slow leak from a balloon - no, not that, that makes the balloon smaller - it's like a tiny little waterfall that only happens after a heavy rain & that you only notice as you hike by if you're really in tune with what's around you and not preoccupied with thoughts or focused on a goal. You only notice it if you're enjoying your hike.

The trickle of inspiration pools ink on paper and somehow forms words, words that make me smile, words that keep arranging themselves as they steadily drip-drip-drip out. And those words form an idea, a good idea that feels possible and achievable. Fun, even. My co-worker hangs up the phone and training begins again; as I listen, I sit with the warming knowledge of my lovely new secret.

It may not happen as I imagine it; it may not happen at all. I might change my mind tomorrow. But today creative inspiration found me, and I opened up the part of my brain that is hopeful, imaginative, focused. Today I took one step toward my big dream life.

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ unexpected epiphanies
~ being still & letting creativity flow
~ knowing what I need

xo! n.

Home, Interrupted.

2010-11-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

I need to vent a little. (I almost just wrote "a lottle" which is probably more accurate)

I moved into this lovely old house in Eagle Rock in August and was the first of a new wave of tenants here; the last group lived here for 15 (yes, fifteen) years. They told me that during that time, the landlord was never there, the carpet had never been replaced (or, I'm sure, cleaned - it was a bunch of boys) and she left it up to them to make household repairs.

So the new manager of the house gets tenants in, we're all aware of the state of the house (I pull up my own old nasty carpet from my room) and all is well. UNTIL the landlord decides to stop being a slumlord and just start being an ass.

Out of nowhere, she painted the outside of the house - when I got back from my JetBlue trip, I walked into my room to find a strange man looking in on me from my 2nd floor bedroom's window, painting - and has now dug up the entire back yard. Where we once had a lovely grassy lawn with a hammock, a lemon tree, a bushy tree with purple flowers, and beautiful overgrown blooming shrubs, there's now a pit of mud & dying grass, a heavily pruned lemon tree, no shrubs, and the gorgeous purple tree has been chopped within an inch of it's life. It literally has one branch and looks like a limping amputee.

I know it still looks green but that's because this is Cali. Believe me, it looks barren compared to what it was.

Every day there are strange men at my house and the landlord often walks in without notice, banging the door open and then stomping through the entire house yelling, "HELLO??" The one time I answered - I was in the shower & she wouldn't stop yelling "HELLO?? HELLO?? HELLO??" Can you not hear the shower running??? - I said "yes?" and she said, "Oh you're here, that's ok." And left. Really? That's ok? It's ok that I'm in the house I pay you rent to live in, at 10:30 in the morning? What a relief.

Grrrrrr.

She still hasn't done the ONE thing that would actually make this a BETTER place to live - replace the carpets. She's promised us wood floors, but on the condition that WE paint the entire interior of the house for her. Bull. Honky. But whatever, we painted. Then she complained she didn't like the colors we chose, even though she approved them. I really feel like she wants us to break our lease & get out & is purposefully trying to make it uncomfortable for us to live here.

It really sucks because I like this house a lot, I get along with my roommates, and I love the area and the view. I'm settled and comfortable and don't want to go through moving again. But I'm keeping an eye out for a cheap studio or one-bedroom, just in case.

Sorry to be bitching. I sat outside to write & sit in the sunshine, but the roar of powertools and the sight of backyard destruction has made nowhere around the house a comfortable place to be. Oh well, hopefully it will be over soon. For now, it gives me a good reason to get out & DO something.

Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ my hoodie
~ sleeping in
~ conversations with new friends

xo! n.

heart a-flutter friday

2010-11-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

Starting on Thanksgiving, my family always asks for a Christmas list & I never know what to tell them because I never really need anything. And when I start looking for things, I often come across stuff I love but have no use for at this stage of my life, or that's way too expensive to expect anyone to get it for me. So I'm starting a weekly post of all the lovely things that set my little heart a-flutter.

This way I get to enjoy window-shopping, start thinking about what to get my friends & family for Christmas, and have a sorta-kinda Christmas list to which I can direct my family. And you get to drool over these lovely things too! It's a win-win-win-win!

So here goes, the first installment of Heart a-flutter Friday!

Filigree Leaf Wrap Ring by BrillianceFound on Etsy
I really like gold lately and I love chunky rings. This one is big & fab, but flat so it won't get snagged on things like sweaters and eye sockets.

Oatmeal Cup Cozy by Natalya1905 on Etsy
Ohh, it's like my favorite old dad sweater -- for my coffee! I just want to cuddle up with this!

This book

Because playing around on Photoshop is one of my favorite things to do.

Pretty Birdie's Wooden Double Ring by StephanieTeague on Etsy
Made from scraps of wood from old guitars! Double-finger rings remind me of brass knuckles, so even though this one is obviously non-violent, I think it would make me feel just a skoch bad-ass.

Lovely Little Bulbs Stack Rings by Kathiroussel on Etsy
I love dainty stack rings, especially when they're uneven & organic like this.

From SucculentsGalore on Etsy

I want this garden for my own! Oh how I adore succulents.

Modern Baby Clock Owl by Decoylab on Etsy
Cute and kitschy but simple and modern. Perfect for any room in my imaginary future house.

Rainbow Bird Vases by CatherineReece on Etsy

I love these sweet little birdies - I could line them in a row or spread them out to bring some color and whimsy into each room.

Well that was random & fun! Can you tell how very much I love Etsy? :) I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did & maybe even got an idea or two for your own Holiday shopping! Happy weekend!

Today I am so happy & grateful for:

~ lovely things

~ finding the perfect gift for someone (which I totally did today, but shhh I can't tell you who or what!)

~ The season of Thanks and Giving

xo! n.

Say What You Need to Say

2010-11-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things build up inside you - thoughts and feelings multiply, expand until they're too big, too out of control for words or to make sense of - and then suddenly you have the chance to speak, and all those feelings rush to be expressed, getting jammed somewhere between your brain, your heart and your mouth. And your words are jumbled, and you're too choked up to speak clearly, but somehow, you say it.

And it feels so good.

Today I am grateful and happy for learning how to just say it.

xo, n.

[photo source]

Daydreams of headwear & hefeweizen

2010-11-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

I am totally unfocused today. At work, my brain flits and stutters like an adolescent flirting. Checking invoices - match, match, enter information, I need a new phone, those new t-mobile ones look cool, I wonder if I could get a refurbished iphone, my ipod is awesome, what is this song, ha ha that picture last night is great, ugh I'm tired, more coffee, pretty blogs, I need to work on mine, oh I need to write a to do list, I wonder if anyone will be home tonight, I need groceries but not today, I should drink more water, can't forget to pay my credit card, droopy flowers, I love this new hat... and on and on. It is an impossible task to try and get things done. Sorry, work.

Yesterday Chick and I went shopping in Pasadena, which is right next door to me now, but until I moved to Eagle Rock I hardly ever experienced the money-spending joy that is Colorado boulevard. Lucky for my wallet, nothing fit quite right or seemed worth the price except a $5 hat that kinda makes me look like a rastafarian hipster (pictured in the pub crawl pics below) but I love it anyway.

Strangely enough, I bought the hat partially because I dreamt it the night before. I dreamt that I went on a trip to San Francisco with a cute guy & I was wearing this hat. I woke up thinking, man that was a good dream... and I want that hat. So when I stumbled across it at Forever 21, I knew it was meant to be. Now to find the cute guy... :)

hmm... pretty close... [source]

Chick bought more stuff but I just had fun window-shopping, trying things on, and sitting outside with glass of wine and my lu lu (that's what Chick & I call each other - long story).

Then, starting around 4:30pm, we joined friends for the 2nd Official Caccese Pub Crawl! Caccese is the friend I hung out with in NYC; he's from NY, we all met when he lived in LA, and when he moved back to NY we had a goodbye pub crawl for him. He's back visiting & we decided to make it a tradition. Not only was it fun to see Caccese again, but it was also the first time we'd seen our friend BCK since he moved back to LA from Chicago! Lots and lots and lots of silliness ensued.

I crashed on the couch at Teeter & Chick's house again - I've slept there at least one night every weekend since I've been back - and thank goodness for the hat I got because right now it is hiding my dirty hair and posing as a style choice, when really it's more of a neccessity. I've had two cups of coffee & am still sleepy, my breath tastes like onions (which makes no sense - I didn't eat any & I swear I brushed my teeth), and my face is puffy from dehydration. Aren't I just freakin adorable!? Ga-ross.

It is coooooold in LA tonight - perfect chili weather. On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store for fresh ingredients and then made a big ol' pot of turkey & bean & veggie chili with some cornbread. Mmmm... And my roomie baked persimmon cookies so I am sitting here with a cup of green tea and a soft fresh cookie, all wrapped up cozy in a blanket. What a lovely way to end my day.

I am so happy & grateful for:
~ winter weather!!
~ healthy delicious food
~ good times with kooky friends

xo! n.

Bridesmaid Extravaganza Day of Fun!

2010-11-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

Y'all might remember my friends AB and The Scot who I stayed with in Perth, Australia - well, they're getting married in May and I'm a bridesmaid! Their Matron of Honor, H, lives right down the street from me (we all went to college together in SC) and since AB is in Australia still, her other bridesmaid is in Scotland, and she & The Scot are getting married in Wilmington NC, H & I are teaming up to plan her hen's weekend (in my hometown of Charleston!) and make sure dresses, etc are taken care of.

Today was planning day #1, and we rocked its socks off.

AB, me & H, quiiiite a few years ago

We started off with the brunch of champions: french-press coffee (btw, H alerted me to the fact that in my very neighborhood, there's a shop that sells Stumptown coffee! The best coffee I've ever had, from Portland!! So excited!), homemade waffles with butter, syrup, blueberry jam & fresh blueberries, and of course, a bridal mimosa. Mmmm...

All that deliciousness got our little brains a-sparking with ideas & once H found the perfect teensy red notebook for our planning, we brainstormed and, if I do say so myself, came up with a SUPER fun hen's weekend. AB, I'm not giving you any hints but just know we were giggling & gasping with excitement & brilliant ideas all afternoon.

Then it was off to the bridal shop, to which H's hubby, Dutch Giant (yes that is his official nickname ;) ) was kind enough to drive us, even in the madness that is Burbank Saturday afternoon traffic. Despite being surrounded by white lace & tulle, that place sparked nothing bridal in me; it seemed so impersonal & florescent-lit and H and I were by far the only people in there having any fun.

We tried on our adorable bridesmaid dresses, ordered the correct sizes, and walked out with fabric swatches, which we promptly took to the store next door & found me some lovely shoes (AB doesn't want matchy-matchy footwear) and then three perfect cardigans - and all for well under $200!!

sneak peak

Neiher of us could believe how incredibly fortuitous and productive the day turned out! AND it was fun spending time with H - we were goofy girls! Then I got home to find a marathon of Back To The Future on TV and that just made me even happier. What a lovely day of fun.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ gettin' stuff done!
~ planning joyous occasions with and for wonderful friends
~ Marty McFly & Doc Brown's shenanigans

xo! n.

We like to party.

2010-11-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

The last 2 weeks have been filled with all things Halloween-y, including a goulish car transmission scare and a terrifying, scream-inducing (literally) mess-up at the new job. But don't worry, all is well.

The Sunday before Halloween, Teeter, Chick and I held our annual scary movie pumpkin carving party, which was super fun, we made super-delicious candies, and I got super smashed and stayed up til 4am then crashed on the couch. Needless to say, the next morning at work wasn't too fun... but it also wasn't too hectic (not the screaming day, thank God) so I made it through.

Then on Halloween weekend, I went to two parties and, of course, had to have two costumes! They were both completely last minute, but I'm pretty proud of 'em. On Saturday night, I was your mom.

Yes. You heard me right, your mom. As in, "so's your mom."

Your mom doesn't like having her picture taken. She's shy.

The party we went to was fun but made infinitely better by the discovery of Sing Star, which I'd never played (and if you haven't either, it's competitive karaeoke! What! I know!) We kicked all forms of bootie, we dominated the game, winning just about every time, and well, we were kind of assholes about it, if you want to know the truth. But dude, it was fun.

my friends - feelin' it. And SO kicking ass.

Then on Sunday night, at the Magic Castle (where I saw the effing scariest babydolls in the universe, seriously. Seriously.) Teeter & I were "members of a dance team who, in 1995, got killed in a bus accident on the way to a show."

Oh yes, we undead sparkle. Jazz hands!

Please note the creepy babies in the background - though they're much scarier in person

(Teeter, on the right, is terrified!)

We saw some magic and drank some cocktails and danced to Monster Mash and got stuck in slutty 3am Hollywood traffic and ate Taco Bell. Yup. So that was my Halloween this year. Not too shabby.

I still deny that it's November already. What the hell. Not only do I feel like there is NO WAY it is that late in the year, it's also 85 degrees in LA, so obviously the city agrees with me. Boycott.

Except... I do love me some turkey and presents so... I guess we can move forward, time. But I need sweater weather, please! Geez louise. I'd like to drink one of those specialty lattes everybodys all in love with and not sweat my balls off in the process. Please and thank you.

Yesterday, I had lunch with an old friend and dinner with new friends. How lovely is that?? In fact, the new friends found me through Stratejoy, so that makes it even lovelier. We had homemade cherry infused whiskey (omg omg omg!!) and fish stew (sounds weird but oh so good!) and fruit salad, and talked and laughed. I just love stuff like that.

I decided today that I'm going to write here much more often. Like hopefully every day, or at least every other. Some of it will probably be kind of dumb (like today's) because I won't know what to write about, but I really love the connection I have with my readers here & on Stratejoy (hopefully will have on Escape Hatcher too, when I finally get back over there), and it just feels so good to write, even when it's silly & inconsequential. I want to write all the time. That's my November resolution.

New Years ones never seem to work - let's make this a thing. What's your November resolution?

Today I am so happy & grateful for:

~ not having nightmares involving dismembered babies

~ silliness

~ the wifi reaches to the couch on my back porch

~ creativity

~ friendship, in all its forms

xo! n.

Without a sign, without a clue.

2010-10-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

It's the day before Halloween and it is GORGEOUS. It's cool and clear; it poured last night so the sky is blue with no haze, only happy little clouds, and the trees around my house are bright green & shiny like they're smiling. All my clothes are in the laundry so I'm sitting outside in my pjs letting the beauty of the day soak into me.

As y'all probably know from my recent Stratejoy post (I've been terrible about linking to them, but you can find them all here, or by clicking the Stratejoy box on my sidebar, if you're interested), I have had a lot on my mind recently. I feel like everyone's asking me for a decision and that decision will determine the course of the rest of my life (big booming voice - echo, echo, echo...)

I realize that's silly because I can always make a new decision, change my mind, go in a different direction, but I'm still feeling that pressure. And weirdly, the only place that is offering up reasons to be there is the one place I had decided not to be. Los Angeles. Oh you devious Angel city...

You know that saying, "when you love something let it go & if it comes back to you, it's meant to be"? If you've really let something go but it just keeps finding it's way back into your life, and no matter how many times you shy away from it, it slides up beside you and gives you new reasons to love it again - is that a sign? Is there such thing as a sign, or is it just something we tell ourselves to take the pressure off of making a decision? What if all that happens but your gut still stays silent? Is it waiting for the right moment to flare up in positive or negative response, or is ambivalence the same as indifference the same as a big fat NO?

Sigh. Anyway, I've been working A LOT, which is really great for my paycheck, not so great for my psyche. I can't even tell you how amazing it feels to know I have money in my account and money coming in - especially overtime & double-time money. How, after a whole year of not working steadily - a one month job in Australia & then random bartending jobs the rest of the time - it is incredible to me to buy food somewhere other than the 99cent store. But, then again, I haven't had a job with these kind of hours for about two years - even during my last year at the accounting firm before Australia I was only working 20hrs a week - and I've gotten out of practice. It is exhausting.

I don't do well when I'm tired. I'm generally an easy-to-get-along-with person, but I'm a bitch for two reasons: I'm hungry or I'm tired. Little things feel like big things, problems seem to have no solutions, and my brain gets stuck on repeat with thoughts I don't want or need to have. So maybe that's part of this whole "I need to make a decision" dilemma. I'm probably blowing it out of proportion. ("oh little one..." haha, that's for you, Amanda)

Last night was the best night's sleep I've gotten in 3 weeks (besides all the weird anxiety dreams) and I'm going to let it do for my brain what the rain did for LA - wash it clean, give it brightness & clarity. I'm wandering but I'm not lost, I'm undecided but I'm not confused, I'm uprooted but patient.

Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ a comfortable bed in a comforting room
~ calm
~ money coming in
~ Halloween plans

xo! n.

[photo source]

Hitting the Ground Running

2010-10-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

I know I've been way behind on posting and I'm sorry. I've been back in LA for a week and a half now but it feels like 3. Seriously. I jumped right into a job and have been working long days (yesterday I was there for 16 hours!), so when I get home, I crash.

HUGE difference from the past month, or even the past year - ever since I left for Australia (one year ago last Sunday - can you believe it???? I can't), I haven't worked steadily. It feels funny.

I'm working in the special events department for one of the major studios here, and I'm working on the studio lot. Which is pretty neat. The parties we put together are on the backlot (the fake city streets with facades of buildings) and they are SO. COOL. Really, it's not a bad job, even though it does involve some long hours and sitting in an office, which just makes me antsy and tired, a strange combination.

an example of a backlot, undressed

I like to drive my golf cart past trams full of tourists. It makes me feel important.

It's been cold and rainy in LA - I have my down blanket and fleece on my bed, which makes it extra cozy (thanks, Lee Anne for letting me borrow!) and even harder to get out of in the mornings. I like the gloomy weather, though; the other night as I was drifting to sleep I heard the sound of rain & thought, what is that weird noise...? That's how often we get rain in LA.

I've been in an off mood since I got back, although everything is really quite good right now. My little room in the Eagle Rock house is as adorable as ever, I've been slowly catching up with friends here, and this job fell into my lap & is the money I desperately need to replenish my empty bank account. But I feel like everyone is expecting answers from me and I have none.

I'm taking it one day at a time. Things just keep coming to me and I keep saying yes.

As for now, it's 9pm and I'm going to bed. Yes, really. Goodnight lovely people.

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ free lunches
~ gmail chat
~ green tea
~ new delightful music

xo! n.

The Perfect Country Wedding

2010-10-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

My last stop on my Jet Blue adventure was the same as my first stop: Raleigh, NC to see some friends get married. The ceremony was outside a church next to a centuries-old graveyard, and the reception was in a barn on the bride's family's farm. With the sun setting over autumnal trees, a fresh farm-grown & church-made BBQ supper, and the Chris Lane band playing country songs on a trailer bed, it was a movie-perfect southern wedding, and it fit them perfectly too.

Congratulations, Kelli & RJ!! Lots of love to you both.

I am so grateful and happy for:
~ great food
~ great parties
~ great people

xo! n.

Austin Perfection

2010-10-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

We got to Austin just before the sun came up and, thanks to G's mad awesome friends, had a place to crash until we could drag ourselves into daylight, intoxicated on misfit sleep, teeth fuzzy and pits stinkin' around 2pm.

G had already reserved a hotel (real-deal! No more couch crashing!) for the next few nights, and since it was finally check-in time, we stumbled in there, ga-ro-dy at the front desk of this marbled lobby where all surfaces are mirrored to look Grand, I suppose, but really just reminded me in every direction how greasy my bangs were. Upstairs we went, showered, changed - brand new people! - and headed down to begin our first day in Austin & prove to the hotel staff that we weren't just dirty zombie ruffians.

After breakfast & a big coffee at a crepe restaurant (where the owner spoke French! My ears swooned), we headed down to Lake Austin (which looks like a river, very confusing) and walked along it, rejuvinated by the perfectly gorgeous weather. It seemed like everyone was outside with their dog, that fine Sunday afternoon, and we watched big ol muscular dogs un-selfconciously belly-flop, the object of their desire bobbing just out of reach, and bitty munchkin dogs tottering down the path like overstuffed sausages with toothpick legs.

We crossed a bridge & into City Park, which was full of people enjoying the day; there were four guys playing a roving game of bocce ball, downhill, uphill, cheering like it was a football game, and there even seemed to be some sort of tutu party (yes, AB, we thought of you!) under a tree in the distance.

Shoeless, shirtless (well, him), we climbed a grassy hill and found our ideal spot; we could see the lake and the city skyline, people-watch and close our eyes to the sun. After a while of sitting there talking, watching dragonflies land on the cuff of my jacket and deciding that the next time we're here (when will that be?) we'd bring a frisbee, we rolled down the hill like in "The Princess Bride" - aaaaas youuuuu wiiiiiiish...

Ok, no, we didn't, but we wanted to; we walked down the hill like the sane & normal people we aren't, and found a nice flat spot for G to practice walking on his hands and me to practice spinning in a circle until I fell down dizzy drunk. It was one of two perfectly perfect outdoor Austin afternoons.

The second one was also on the lake; we rented kayaks and paddled our way downstream, past rows of turtles lined up on half-sunken tree branches, wrinkly necks and feet stretched taut to catch the sun (they need a tan to be attractive to other turtles, of course). It only took a few minutes of being on the lake to completely forget we were in the middle of a city; the traffic noise faded ghostly next to the alive sounds of birds and bugs and the slap of paddles on water.

We had the lake mostly to ourselves; G said, "I thought there'd be more people out - it's a beautiful day."
"It's a Tuesday afternoon; they're probably all working."
"Ugh. What are they doing with their lives."
Not this, I thought, not living.

I was quickly soaked from the splash of rowing (and had stupidly worn clothes over my bathing suit even though G had warned me and, really, I know better) so when G found rope swings tucked away in the overgrown trees lining the shore, I was game. We ended up on the island in the middle of the lake, G swinging like the monkey boy he is over a long stretch of land to a 10 point dismount into the water - once startling a female rowing team and once being filmed by a stranger who, I think, kind of wanted him to hurt himself for the sake of YouTube. I, knowing my lack of upper body strength and lack of rope-swinging experience, decided to try an easier one first. Good thing I did; from the minute I launched myself off the side of the tree, my grip was loosening and my feet were dragging, and I barely missed the rocks at the edge of the shore. Lame. So I jumped off gnarly roots & went swimming instead. Still fun.

We went as far as we could go until the dam cut us off then headed back, chasing the setting sun. We played bumper kayak wars til G resigned (you did! You said "I give up!") and admired the houses on top of the flanking hills, dismayed at how not a single one of them had a water slide into the lake.

As we neared the bridge, a main road and pedestrian walkway, G stopped, pulled my kayak over so we were side by side, and we both leaned back, drifting, enjoying the last patch of warm sun, looking up at the busy people scurrying above us with somewhere "better" to be. But you can't get much better than this. A few people looked down & noticed us, waving, smiling, a couple even taking pictures. We would be a story over someone's dinner.

The rest of our time in Austin was spent in much less healthy pursuits. Drinking in bars filled with filthy blues guitar, cabbing to kareoke bars to make fools of ourselves ("Purple rain..."), and eating fried pickles and reuben sandwiches at 3am. Our tabs were taken care of because G is friends with everyone; even people he doesn't know gave us things for free (like margaritas at Lake Travis).

We met up with G's high school friend, his wife & their new baby; they took us for Mighty Fine burgers (mmmm...), which had the coolest hand sanitizing machine I've ever seen (yeah, that sounds dorky but you would be impressed too, it's like a massager!), and we brought over beer and totally corrupted them. Hence this photo:
<-----------

We had a lot of fun, I was impressed by their musical knowledge (the three of them, sans baby, are like a musical superpower!), and we laughed loud enough to wake the baby - but didn't. I got to see one of my high school friends too; we caught up over a couple beers & I wish I could've had dinner with he & his wife (also from high school) but alas, it didn't work out. It was great to see him though.

Our last night in Austin, G & I went to the Salt Lick, which is about a half hour outside of Austin but well worth the drive. OMG OMG OMG so delicious. I have missed southern BBQ in LA. We both almost got family style (all you can eat) but decided we wanted dessert too, so settled for a plate - which was still a ton of food. Let me just tell you, I had a BBQ baby a'growin in my belly that night, and I was haaaappy.

I was really sad to leave Austin. Especially because it was the last flight of my All-you-can-jet jetBlue pass. BUT it wasn't time to go home yet - I headed back to Raleigh, NC for yet another wedding!

I am so happy and grateful for:
~ good friends, food, drink, music, fun
~ kayaks
~ living in the moment

xo! n.

Texan Hospitality

2010-10-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

Texas woos like a frat boy, with shots. Houston hit on me brashly, under the fluorescents at last call; Austin was more subtle, luring me in with a sweet guitar solo pouring down 6th street, a cocktail waiting at the bar.

I arrived in Texas red-eyed and exhausted but super excited to see my good old college friend G as he pulled up to the rocking chairs at the airport. He's a musician in Houston and I jumped right into his musician's hours, taking a long afternoon nap that then kept me energized to meet him at 12am, after his bar closed, and go out for welcome drinks with his buddies til 3.

This also, I'm ashamed to say, caused a hangover the next day that only perpetuated the cycle I couldn't seem to break in Texas, of going to bed just before the sun came up and not waking til the afternoon. That's ok though; Texas knows how to party.

Houston is a business city that seemed, to me, mostly sterile in the daytime. Tall, sleek buildings and carefully groomed parks in the heart of it, and then, out by the stadium and what G calls "homelessville," squatty dirty clubs, chain link fences and, incongruous in it's affluence, his very nice, very new apartment building. Someone's investment in gentrification gone sour. But it's a nice building, gated, and he can bike to work so it's understandable, although I (usually somewhat fearless when traveling) didn't walk his neighborhood alone after dark.

Even though I was practically nocturnal, we still managed to do some cool stuff during the day. We went to the Science Museum where we marveled at dinosaur bones (when they find a petrified egg, how in the hell do they know what kind of dinosaur egg it is???), warily eyed an exhibit on energy funded by BP (took the overly cheery kids ride down into a simulated oil well), and read up on immigration in the late 1800s/early 1900s (it slowly dawning on us that you could easily change the dates & country names to write practically the same story about our present situation). We wandered through a beautiful park where we sat next to copious amounts of duck poo, made up stories about the goose sitting next to us (we named her Monica), and G did what he does best - climbed a tree.

We had some good Mexican food, drank veggie juice, and went to a riverside trail where I walked around examining the city skyline from different angles and swung on a swingset for so long that I got a blister on my hand. I spent my last evening in Houston watching the full 6 hour dueling piano show he plays in, sitting alone at the crowded bar, and was not bored once; it was so much fun. And he is a great musician and super amazing at his job. If you're ever in Houston, go see him at Pete's - but make sure you've got your drinking pants on, the place is ca-ra-zy.

But my favorite night in Houston was the night I wandered the city on my own. I don't usually do that; if I have friends in a place, they usually are off work and hanging out with me in the evenings, and if I know no one in a place, I usually stay at a hostel and meet people to hang out with. But obviously, G works nights. So this was a cool experience, even though when I first stepped on the platform of the light rail, feeling conspicuous even in my jeans and sweater next to the bums stumbling from the ticket machine, I thought what am I doing...?

My first stop (besides the stop I made because I went too far and had to go back - you're not really a traveler if you don't get lost) was The Continental Club where 80's cover band Molly and The Ringwalds (great name, huh?) were playing. They were fantastic. Another first - I've never gone to a live music venue where it's solely a dance floor alone; at first I felt stupidly self-conscious (no one to yell over the music to! What do I do with my hands? Do I look dumb dancing alone?) and then I slapped myself mentally with "you'll never see any of these people again & if you do, they won't remember you!" and just let loose. So fun.

Unfortunately(ish), after they played, the door started enforcing a retroactive cover (lame!) so I headed out. There was another bar next door, Big Top Lounge, a kitschy dive complete with a giant velvet elvis and a fooseball table; I was literally one of 4 people there but a band was setting up & the beer was cheap, so I decided to stay. I'm glad I did because the Allison Fisher Orchestra, a damn good (and motley) blues band deserved an audience.

During their break, I was sitting at the bar, texting chick and enjoying my PBR and olives (yes, I know it's weird - I'm a fool for olives!!), when the guy at the end of the bar asked me to dance. Not to dance to the live music, no, to dance to the radio intermission. It didn't take me long to realize he was drunk as a skunk and an absolutely horrific dancer, as he steps on my feet and holds me way closer than is comfortable between strangers. But he's harmless and funny, and I haven't had anyone to talk to for hours so I humor him. He tells me he's from New Orleans and I'm "right" (apparently a complement), and that he's a chef here in Houston. He tells me he just recently slaughtered a goat; he wants to learn how to butcher every meat that he prepares. Logically (and stifling laughter at the randomness of this story), I ask, "Oh so your restaurant serves goat?"
"No, I've never cooked it. But my sister raised a 4H prize goat."
"Oh, was it her goat?"
"No."
Then he tried to dip me.

Later, when he pulled up a chair next to me at the bar & ordered a shot, I thought how I would word my refusal of said shot and the possible invitation home that usually occurs when a strange drunk guy asks a girl to dance at a bar. But sweetly, wonderfully, the opportunity never arose; he took his shot, we chit chatted some more, and then he said nice meeting you and wobbled out the door. The whole thing was actually kind of lovely in it's oddness.

Whenever I travel alone, I have a rule that I'm not to get drunk because I have to keep my head clear and find my way safely back to where I'm staying. I'd had a couple beers and was feeling a little tipsy, so I decided to pop into the taco place next door, where I got a coffee (it was midnight but I knew G wasn't off til 2) and the BEST veggie verde taco I have ever had. Tacos A Go-Go. I sat savoring and sobering, enjoying the eclectic decor and the booth all to myself like a cozy king bed.

Sufficiently awake, I hopped back on the light rail going the opposite direction to The Flying Saucer, a large bar that boasts over 200 beers on tap (apparently it's a chain but I'd never seen it before). I had a really delicious stout and laughed to myself at the girls sitting next to me drinking Miller Lite bottles - why would you drink that here?

Then it was almost 2am so I headed to Pete's in time to see G's last set. It was last call, and within 5 minutes of being there, I was swarmed by drunk guys, flinging bad pick-up lines at me like slow-moving and mis-aimed arrows, desperate to take somebody home so their night wouldn't be a waste, even though they wouldn't remember it anyhow. The first guy slurred like he was on sedatives, leaning in so I could smell his liquor breath, and even tried to grab my ass, but I could've knocked him over with my pinkie, he was so wasted, and I easily kept him at bay.

Then his two friends came over, buzzing like flies but not quite as drunk, under the guise of "sorry about our friend." One was Scottish and the other Norwegian; the latter kept telling me I was a "beautiful butterfly" and the former telling him that was an insult because it implies that I flit from flower to flower (ha! Never thought of that before). They stole my camera and took a picture of me, in all my butterfly glory, which resulted in this face <------------------

They were comical and actually nice, without the guts or drunkeness to do anything worrisome. Though the guys behind me must've told me four times that they'd pretend to be my boyfriend if I needed saving. I have never been hit on so much, all at once, in my life.

Of course, when G was done & came out from backstage to put his arm on my shoulder, they scurried away like so many rats. The whole thing cracked me up.

On Saturday, after I got the full (and uninterrupted by any major flirtations) Pete's dueling pianos experience, G and I went back to his house, packed up and drove to Austin. Yes, it was 3am when we left, no we didn't know where we were going to crash that night, (don't worry mom, he was sober and awake), but that was all part of the fun... to Austin!

I am so grateful and happy for:
~ hanging out with one of my favorite people
~ an unpredictable night of adventures
~ live music!

xo! n.

Travel day from HELL and friends from HEAVEN

2010-10-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

On the way from NYC to Charlotte, NC I wanted to punch some suckers in the face. I am a patient traveler & don't figure there's any use complaining about things that are out of my control, but seriously, dude, it was a rough day.

My NYC morning was rainy but we decided to walk Central Park anyway and got soaked to the bone. Which meant that I had to throw my wet clothes in a plastic bag and partially unpack to get dry clothes out & then re-pack, and that I was kind of freezing so I layered hardcore but once I got into the subway, hefting my suitcase & two carry-on purses up & down stairs, I was frying. It is not fun trying to remove layers of semi-wet clothing on a crowded New York subway with luggage precariously tipping at every stop. At least, because of the debacle of getting into NYC (which I didn't go into detail on here but trust me, it was a debacle), I took all the right trains & made it to the airport in plenty of time.

Plenty of time because, it turns out, my flight was delayed an hour. This is after my original direct flight to Charlotte had already been canceled and I'd re-booked onto a new flight with a layover in Boston. An hour's no big deal, so I read and we boarded, and we sat there... and sat there... and sat there. Finally we got word that due to inclement weather, we were delayed two more hours, and everyone had to get off the plane. Groans all around.

Well, this meant I would miss my connecting flight, so I got in line to fix that and stood there the entire two hours. When they called us to board, I was the 2nd person from the front & they told me I had to go wait in another line! No way. I refused & the guy conceded but had no good news. I would miss the last flight out of Boston and there's only one more flight to Charlotte from JFK but it's full. He told me I could fly standby but with my All-You-Can-Jet pass, that sort of change incurs a penalty of $100. No way; this was not my fault. He couldn't help me & the line at the help desk was out of control so I called jetBlue customer service & got connected to an agent just as they were calling final boarding for my flight. Trying not to panic, I explained my situation and asked for her to please, please waive the fee and she agreed. Whew.

BUT she couldn't put me on the standby list; I had to see the help desk for that. Sigh. So I got into another line. When I finally reached the front, all the agents but one went on their break. Really?? The agent who stayed (bless her!) was very nice and acknowledged she could waive the fee, but for some reason, couldn't get me on the standby list. She had to call her supervisor, who had to call her back, and I was probably standing at the desk for 45 minutes. Fiiiiiinally, I was put on the list and, fingers crossed, walked over to wait at the gate.

The plane started boarding, the gate agent called out one name - not mine - and then said, "sorry everyone else on standby, there are no more seats." Fuuuuuuudge. I sat down on the floor and cried. Yup.

Oh, and by this point, my phone was dead because I'd had to call jetBlue so many times, and I couldn't even call my friends that were picking me up from the airport. Thank God for free wifi and Facebook.

Resigning myself to sleeping on the floor - since not only were all hotels I found online booked up, but they couldn't even give me a real ticket for the next flight out so I'd have to be back at the airport at 4am to get a boarding pass - I went to the bar, where the bartender had just seen what happened and gave me a free glass of wine. So nice.

I managed to nab a weird little couch at the end of the terminal for my bed and met another AYCJ-er traveling solo so we traded off watching each others bags & guarding our coveted sleeping spots. All my toiletries were in my checked bag but luckily I had my eye mask, neck pillow and ear plugs, so I did manage to get, oh probably 3 hours of sleep.

The next day, waking to the sound of floors being cleaned and polished, I blinked my contacts clear, got my boarding pass, got a coffee, and finally boarded a plane. ...Which then, of course, was delayed. We sat on the runway in NYC for about 45 minutes and then when we landed in Charlotte, they had no open terminals so we sat on the runway there for about an hour, and then when we pulled into the terminal, the jetway was broken and they weren't authorized to pull up a stairway, so we sat there for another hour.

I wanted to cut a bitch.

Everyone around me was complaining - I'm missing meetings, this is ridiculous - and I just sat there loathing everyone and everything, thinking miserably to myself: I've been in an airport or on a plane since 1pm yesterday!!!! GRRRR! As my friend Jen would say, what fresh hell!

BUT. We finally did disembark and I guess bad luck figured I'd gotten clobbered enough because magically my bag, which had gone to Boston without me and taken the first flight from there to Charlotte, was waiting at the carousel. I used a pay phone (remember those?) to call my friends & then suddenly, joyfully, there they were and I was whisked away from the evil airport to their welcoming home.

So my two day trip to Charlotte got shortened to 19 hours, but my friends took me for shrimp & grits and sweet tea, blew up the air mattress for an afternoon nap, and it is indescribable how just being around them made me feel infinitely better.

We went to a museum where we spent some time checking out their platform shoe and haute couture exhibits, then had a make-your-own-pizza party in our pajamas, falling asleep all piled up on the couch and air mattress watching a movie. It was so lovely. You girls are the best.

At 4am I got up again & T took me to the airport (thank you so much, girl!) for my 6am flight to Houston. I boarded the plane and immediately fell asleep.

(PS - I still love jetBlue; the problems were with the weather and the airports, and everyone from jetBlue I talked to did their best to help me).

I am so happy and grateful for:
~ eyemasks & earplugs
~ patient friends
~ safe flights

xo! n.

My Empire State of Mind

2010-09-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Twenty-four hours in NYC! How does one cram it all in!?? Especially when it's your first time there as an adult! Lucky for me, I had a crazy local tour guide, Caccese, who made it not only possible but fun as hell. There's too much to even write about, after only a few hours of uncomfortable plane-sleep and a couple of NYC cocktails, it's all kind of a wonderful, brightly-lit whirlwind, so I'll let my pictures do the talking (in chronological order)...

I'm a Rockette!

from the top of the Empire State Building!

my first NYC street dog! (delish, tho stomach was a little grumbly afterwards...)

my first time hailing a cab!

Caccese's surprise for me - yes that IS the "Friends" apartment building!!

The site of the Twin Towers - still being rebuilt & far from done.

first NYC pizza - burned & scraped up the roof of my mouth!

drinks by the Brooklyn Bridge

yes, yes that is a bumper sticker he bought & stuck to his shirt.

next morning, watching the rain from a bagel shop, rescheduling my cancelled flight

(the beginning of the travel day from hell)

my first NYC bagel

Central Park in the pouring rain. We are drenched.

One crazy day in New York with a crazy Yankee. It was freaking fantastic. I heart NYC.

I am so grateful and happy for:

~ covering the whole island of Manhattan in one day, almost entirely by foot!

~ a funny, fun tour guide friend

~ lots of NYC firsts

xo! n.

Sunny days in Portland

2010-09-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

Portland loooooves me. It wants to have 10 million of my baaaaabies.

I only had ONE rainy day in the infamously rainy city of Portland, Oregon! My other three days here were gorgeous and cool, sunny with a breeze, absolutely perfect.

I stayed with a friend of a friend, JM, who I'd only met once before, for literally 3 hours. She was incredibly welcoming, treating me like an old friend, and by the time I left, I felt like we were old friends.

The first two days I wandered the city and surrounding neighborhoods on my own, popping into shops and getting a feel for the energy that inspires "keep Portland weird" bumper stickers. I love the wide-porched brightly colored houses, screaming their own sunshine into the often dreary skies.

Everything here is so so green. Lovely. I wandered into a shop & thought, I think I could deal with the rain if I was shaded by such a beautiful canopy and had cute little rainboots like these...

My very first day here, meandering through Powell's books (a mansion maze of a bookstore! I could've spent hours in there!), and down city streets, I was struck by how friendly everyone was; obviously LA has dulled my expectations of human decency. Sitting outside in the sun with a beer, a stranger saw me looking at a map and stopped to ask if I needed any directions and give me his favorite sights to see. Later, sitting at an old cafe bar, Besaw's, having a coffee & a delicious "potato pie," every person who sat next to me struck up conversation. I think it'd be easy to make friends here. And speaking of coffee, I had the BEST coffee of my life, Stumptown Coffee (local!), with JM in a french press at Mother's Bistro. Mmm...

(they had a funny little booth set up to take your picture with the store & your name on the marquee - I should put this on my vision board to imagine I'm a famous author doing a book signing there!)

On JM's day off, she took me over to Multnomah Falls, the third highest waterfall in the world. It was breathtakingly serene and powerful, framed by the lush forest and bright blue sky. We hiked to the top (actually the trail takes you above the top of the falls), on steep switchbacks, and my out-of-shape ass, not used to such elevated and angled trails, was winded by the middle, heart beating like to break through my sternum yelling, "save yourself!" I felt so lame. But we made it, me still clutching my coffee cup (dork), sweating despite the cool weather and cold spray, dizzied by the height and feeling like a part of something magnificent just by being there.

Then we drove under skies cozy under quilted clouds to a lookout point where you could see almost 360 degree views of the river and gorge. It was gorge-ous. Ha ha. We stopped at the botanical gardens to smell the roses (I've been doing a lot of that lately, literally and figuratively), and then to Widmer Brewery (which JM found magically, magnetically, like a pro!) to sample some delicious beer and shriek - each revelation louder than the last! - at all our similarities. We both loved Elijah Wood growing up (shriek!) because of Huck Finn (shriek!), were obsessed with Newsies (shriek! and a bit of not-so-quiet singing) and many, many other much less predictable parallels that confirmed us as soul sisters. Drove back under the quiet gaze of Mt. Hood, changed, and somehow - we are rockstars! - nabbed a table by the window in the highest restaurant in Portland, overlooking the whole city.

The next day was her goodbye party (she's moving to LA! Funny, huh?) at McMenamins Edgefield, which is one of the neatest places I've ever been. It's an old poor farm turned mental institution turned hotel/spa/bar/restaurant/golf course/outdoor concert venue/gardens. It was lovely and quirky with tiny little themed bars that pop up like garden gnomes as you wander the grounds. I took a picture in Jerry Garcia's Icehouse for my brother, who follows jam bands.

cheers, Alex!

About 20 friends of JM's met up with us, and we had an animated lunch then a rowdy game of shuffle board (is that possible? yes.) and drinks before I had to catch my plane for the red-eye out of there to NYC.

It was a phenomenal trip. Thanks, Portland (and so many heartfelt thanks to JM & her kitty Abby for putting up with me!) for showing me a lovely time.

I am so happy and grateful for:
~ beautiful weather
~ a dear new friend
~ exploration

xo! n.

19 hours in Boston

2010-09-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

I've never thought much of Boston. It always brought to mind baseball and snow, neither of which I'm really a superfan of. So when I booked my jetBlue flights and saw that I had to fly through Boston to get from Denver to Portland, OR (I know, ridiculous - I'm at the Boston airport now preparing myself for a loooong day of travel including a three hour layover in NY), I didn't really consider staying longer than the overnight that was required. I didn't think I'd care about seeing much in this city. It proved me wrong.

My sweet friend S. met me at the T station, took me for dinner at a truly Italian restaurant, Giacomo's (where the waiter literally tapped me on the shoulder and said, "hey, which'a you got the ravioli?"), to her favorite place for the best cannoli I've ever had, then let me stay the night at her apartment. All of this after I forgot to remind her I was coming & she only just happened to check Facebook after my plane had landed! Today, before my flight out, I had a couple hours to wander the city, and I really discovered how much I like it. I still may not be a fan of baseball or snow, but I'm now a big fan of Boston. I'll be back.

Next stop: Portland, Oregon!

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ kind, giving friends
~ deeeeelicious food
~ historic port cities (love 'em!)

xo! n.

Shenangigans & CO.

2010-09-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Denver did a pretty good job in woo-ing me, although I think it was more the work of my best friend and her husband than the city itself. We enjoyed Colorado's perfect weather, blue skies and cool temperatures keeping us out in the yard or on a rooftop or roaming the mountain-ringed streets ducking in and out of shops.

Their friends rented a boat and we took it out to the middle of Lake Dillon, up by Breckinridge, which was gorgeous; a still blue lake surrounded by trees just starting to respond to Autumn. Even the dead trees added to the riot of color in their own burnt purple scream. It was sunny and windy and perfect. Most of the people on the boat were doctors or spouses of doctors but, oddly, the only other single person was a guy who's moving to LA to be an actor. I tried not to discourage him while still not lying to him... After the boat, we had everyone back at the house for pizza and s'mores. It was a wonderful day.

The day before I left, Denver scored major points by showing me where I'd live - a beautiful historic apartment just off a main, eclectic road full of shops and bars. My BFF insisted on looking at rental prices (which wasn't a bad idea - they're much cheaper than LA!) and driving by; the apartment is just around the corner from a yoga studio and a theatre - good job, Denver! Although looking forward to the next leg of my trip, I was sad to leave.

Mostly, though, I'm just going to miss my best friend.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ s'mores
~ friendships that are stronger than there are words for
~ catching my BFF at the only moment this year she's actually available to hang out
~ this amazing opportunity to travel
~ puppy love

xo! n.

Greetings from Colorado!

2010-09-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

So happy and grateful!!
xo! n.

Pleased to meet you, Denver

2010-09-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

Virginia lured me calmly, with a polite slightly southern drawl and the quiet confidence of a city that's stood through the centuries. I connected with my family; three hours talking porcelain with my grandma (yes, I could barely keep my eyes open, but oh my being there meant so much to her), burgers and beer with my aunt, days and days with my momma. Moving there would be so easy - I have a free place to stay, lots of connections for jobs, an easy in to a creative group, and even possibly a new (to me) car. But is it where I want to be? Is it easy because it's right or just too easy?

My gut's not giving me any answers; I think it wants to weigh all the options first. So, with that said: Colorado, you're up. Show me what you've got.

Flying into Denver, I was just as excited as flying into Sydney, Australia. How funny is that? A new place is a new place, no matter how exotic - it always gives me a fluttery thrill. I was like a little kid, craning my neck to see past the wing to the mountains and flat, reaching farmland. As we touched down, it was all giant sky and golden fields, stretching like the yellow brick road to Emerald City, Denver's skyscrapers huddled together on the horizon like a distant, steely oasis.

My BFF picked me up from the airport & took me to her home. It is surreal; she got married and moved to Denver a little over a year ago, and seeing someone I've known since I was 13 in this new adult life feels peculiar. It's beautiful - she's so in love and her home is comfy and fitting - but it feels like a strange dream, unfamiliar and surprising but natural and so completely right.

She and her husband J gave me a quick driving tour of Park Hill, where they live, through downtown, and to The Highlands for a happy hour dinner of appetizers and wine on the rooftop of Vita, watching the sun set over the city skyline. She has about eight million things in mind for me to do while I'm here (hilarious and adorable!), and it seems like Denver's got a pretty great social scene, from the microbreweries on every corner (and a biking tour of them!) to the "Canvas and Cocktails" painting class she's been waiting to take with me. She keeps saying "when you move here..."

She also keeps asking me, "has Denver woo'd you yet?" I tell her, this is our first date; I'm not that easy.

Com'on Denver, woo the crap out of me.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ Jet Blue's free in-flight TV and snacks, and free checked bag
~ laughing with my BFF
~ homemade zucchini walnut pineapple muffins

xo! n.

The Unexpected Strikes Again

2010-09-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

I wonder, sometimes, if serendipitous things should be taken as signs or if they're just good things that happen, either because I put good thoughts out there or just out of luck.

The other day, my mom went to get her hair cut and I tagged along because we were going to go straight from there to the downtown DC adventure I already told you about. She went into the salon and I walked across the street for a coffee, then wandered around the area, looking at houses and kids playing across the street, nothing in particular on my mind. As I rounded the corner, I noticed a sign:

My mom had been telling me about this community theatre, and the extraordinary quality of shows they produce, for a couple years now. In fact, we'd been planning to see their matinee the next day. So I paused at the locked front door and looked at their seasons brochure. As I was turning to leave, a woman walked up to the doors; we exchanged hellos as she unlocked the theatre, and then she said, "you should come see 'Nude With Violin' tonight, it's opening night."
"I'm coming to the matinee tomorrow, actually. I've never seen a show here before; I'm visiting my mom from LA and she's always telling me about your shows. I'm an actor."
"Oh, really? Well, would you like to come in and take a look around?"

Ok, so maybe I used the actor card, but it was in the spirit of friendliness, of solidarity, and it certainly opened some doors... literally. She took me into the closed, empty theatre, and over a conversation about everything from, I worked at the Dock Street Theatre (she's from Charleston!) to the quality of theatre in LA (generally poor) to how hard it is to live far from family, she gave me a private tour of the entire building. I stood in the wings, walked the detailed set, inhaled the sawdust in the shop, perused gobos and fresnels, admired the green room and paced the rehearsal space.

[source]

It is a beautiful, clean, obviously well-funded theatre. I was REALLY impressed.

I thanked her for her time, and as I turned to leave, she said, "If you end up coming back to Alexandria, please consider working with us." I said I would and I meant it.

When I met back up with my mom and told her what had just happened and who I'd met, she said, "Nikki... she's a producer; she produces a good number of their shows. You probably met the best person you could possibly meet at that theatre."

Well, well, well. Universe, you got me again.

The next day, we saw their current show and it was remarkably well done. The set and costumes were gorgeous, lighting and sound on par, the acting was solid with a couple stand-outs, and the direction was flawless, handling the challenges of many characters onstage at a time and a static set with creativity and intelligence. There wasn't one element that stood out as being "community theatre" bad; in fact, if you'd told me it was a professional show, I'd have easily believed you. Oh and the audience, for a Sunday matinee, was packed - probably 10 empty seats in the 150 seat house - and Mom said it's been at least that full every time she's been.

A still from "Nude With Violin" [source]

It was as good as, if not better than, most of the professional theatre I've seen. And trust me, I've seen A LOT.

Which begs the question: even though I've been told since college that I'm a professional actor and community theatre equals "Wating for Guffman"-esque frustrations, is it better to work with a sub-par company just because it's professional, or in a community theatre where the shows always have a good budget, the audience is always full, and the artists are dedicated and talented, despite the lack of pay?

Because I think that if I found a job I enjoyed, I could be really happy doing theatre like that, on the side. And that's how I started out... interesting how things go full circle...

Waiting for Guffman (one of my favorite movies of all time... so painfully funny)

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ an open mind
~ good theatre, treated with respect
~ happy accidents

xo! n.

Dating Places

2010-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

I think Virginia is wooing me.

I've visited family in the DC/Northern Virginia area thousands of times; I know the weather, the people, the history, the sights. I've never thought of DC as a vacation destination or somewhere particularly remarkable, I mean, I know the President lives there, but so does my Grandma. We casually reference The Mall as though it were, well, a mall. This is just a place that my family lives, it's not home, it's not exciting, it holds no draw for me.

But on this trip, I've been seeing things differently. Maybe it's because I was planning on moving here 2 months ago (in fact, the day I got here would've been the day I moved into my mom's house - weird), before the movie changed my plans. Maybe it's because my Mom would still like me to move here & is subtly showing me the reasons it would work. Maybe it's just because I have no plans and am open, without prejudice, to what's in front of me. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying it.

In fact, all the states can fight over me, like boys at a dance. I don't mind.

Since I got here, the weather has been perfect. Gorgeous. Hot, yes, but not the typical southern wet-wool-blanket humid. The sky is a clear blue and the lush green trees, a few just starting to turn, shine golden in the setting sun, like in a painting, unreal. I didn't realize how much I missed the sound of crickets and cicadas until I got to the east coast; it is the underlying symphony in the heat of the day and the gradual cooling of night. I've seen two hawks, dark against the sky.

My mom lives in Alexandria, steps away (literally) from Old Town. I have always appreciated Old Town; I love the south's historic port cities, especially when they are well-maintained and have managed to hold onto some individuality and character, as Alexandria has. Classically painted windowpanes flake in a charming, not dilapidated, way and walkway bricks jumble beneath you forming a once-organized and sometimes treacherous path. Historic homes lean against each other like drunken comrades, displaying their star-shaped badges of earthquake bolts proudly and flanked by grandfather trees. This city is old, but very much alive.

Residential Old Town Alexandria in winter

I always feel like I don't quite fit in here, as, to be honest, I feel most places. Alexandria, and the parts of DC I am familiar with, has always felt so buttoned-down, serious, Southern in the most drawling, genteel accent sort of way. Women in pearls and glasses, hair perfectly straightened in flattering yet unimaginative styles. Men in suits, alternately boisterous and polite, interchangeable in their predictability. Maybe that's unfair; it's a stereotype for sure, but it is, quite often, true.

So on Saturday, Mom & I decided to explore some new parts of the area, to get a better feel for what must, surely, be a diverse and vibrant city. We took the metro (a metro! It always makes me feel like a backpacker in a foreign city and I get a tingle of delight and fear in my stomach) into DC and walked between Dupont Circle, U Street, and Adams Morgan - three neighborhoods that are supposedly younger and more eclectic than the political, touristy side of DC I've always seen.

We visited U Street Corridor first. It was a thriving center of African-American culture until the 1960s when the assassination of MLK, Jr sent it plummeting into riots and violence. In the '90s it started to clean up its act, and now its a really lovely area with beautiful Victorian-style houses and bustling shop-lined streets. Walking just one block off the main street, we passed people of every age and race, families, retirees, even some hipsters! The houses were solid, some classic brick, some brightly colored, with unusual rooflines and windows and almost impractically-small porches. Set up in a row, side by side in this urban yet comfortable setting, it reminded me of a TV city; I almost expected Dr. Cliff Huxtable to walk out the door with Theo or Rudy at his side. I could imagine myself living in an apartment at the top of one of these gabled buildings, walking down my front steps, past the lush front-yard gardens that spill over onto the sidewalk, to one of the locally-owned restaurants for a coffee, or to a junk shop to hunt for treasures.

U Street houses/shops [source]

Walking, we could barely perceive a difference as U Street turned into Dupont Circle, but gradually, the houses got grander, the architecture more classic, and the streets wider. Then the circle itself was in front of us, verdant, buzzing; there were people everywhere, laying in the grass, strolling the sidewalks, sitting on benches and around the fountain. Mom and I sat next to the very talented buskers playing guitar and drums for the crowd and let the sun shine on us and the fountain spray catch us when the wind was just right. I know it was probably so busy because it was labor day weekend, but sitting there watching people from all walks of life pass - there's a woman taking pictures of her baby, there's a couple holding hands, a man carrying groceries, a woman biking, a group of friends laughing, a toddler dancing his uncertain wobble - I felt like I was in a movie and all these people were extras. It was just too perfect.

We walked through Embassy Row with its stately houses and flags like tropical birds (it made me sad to notice the Iraqi Embassy was the only one with bars on all the windows) to the Phillips Collection, where we saw famous Renoir, Matisse, and Rothko paintings, and the works of Richard Pousette-Dart, which neither of us had ever seen before but we both really loved. Then we had an early dinner at an outdoor cafe, enjoying the pulse of the city in the waning evening light.

The last area we explored was Adams Morgan, the most recently gentrified area of the three. It had a much younger feel; it reminded me a little of Kings Cross in Sydney (but without the hookers); it is definitely the spot for nightclubs and cheap bars, and I thought if I were a backpacker in DC, this is probably where I'd end up staying.

Adams Morgan [source]

So maybe I was a bit premature, judging the entire area by the small parts of it I'd experienced. Point one to you, city.

I have more to tell you, but it's just too pretty outside. The early yellowed leaves are drifting past my window like dandelion seeds, and it's probably 90 degrees in the sunshine. Excuse me while I head to the pool.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ a pool in the backyard!
~ exploring
~ an open mind
~ momma's company

xo! n.

By the way...

2010-09-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

New posts up at both

Stratejoy

and

Escape Hatcher

Check them out!

...and the adventure begins...

2010-09-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

I am in VA, the second stop of my trip, surrounded by adorable sleeping puppies whose loud-ass snores sound like giant farts ripping through the room. It's kind of hilarious.

I got here after spending the weekend in Raleigh, North Carolina, celebrating the marriage of two friends who couldn't be more in love or more perfect for each other. Between the wedding and the birthday/bachelorette party for another friend that followed it, my liver is in repair mode and I've actually lost my voice. It was that much fun.

The bride and groom (top), us girls with the groom (middle), the bride and mutual friend C (bottom)

There are a couple things I want to accomplish (well, that may be too strong a word, but...) while I'm in VA. Because I was going to move here, and that's still an option, I want to really check it out. I want to explore some of the younger neighborhoods & see if there's anywhere that feels like a fit for me. I want to see a play at the local theatre my mom keeps telling me about. I want to take the metro into DC and spend a backpacker-type touristy day on my own. I want to go out to some bars/restaurants & check out the social feel of the city.

But not today. Today, I'm going to nap by the pool. Hey, I'm still recovering. :)

I am so grateful and happy for:

~ love

~ friends

~ family

~ internet access

~ safe travels

xo! n.

Euphoria.

2010-08-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

This song has gotten a lot of attention lately, but it deserves all of it. Watch how happy they are singing it! Let's all open up to even just a little bit of this exuberant joy and love... I swear it's infectious.

I don't feel well today. I woke up achy and sore throat-y and stuffed up. I have to get on a plane tomorrow and start my adventure - this is inappropriate!! So I'm watching things that make me smile, laying on the couch with the fan pointed at me, eating vitamin c and chicken soup and neti potting it up. I WILL be back to normal tomorrow.

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ vitamins
~ joy that's catching
~ the very best friends anyone could ever have
~ the adventure starts tomorrow!

xo! n.

PS - Stratejoy post up!! My big dreams... Here.

Ain't Life Grand?

2010-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Unpredictable, immeasurable, beautiful and incomprehensible.

I'm going traveling again. I got a Jet Blue all-you-can-jet pass; it's unlimited flights around the US for the whole month of September for only $500. I'm subleasing my new room (I know, I just made it a home!), packing a carry-on, and setting out on a new month-long adventure.

I'll be back in LA in October, and if any auditions or anything come up while I'm gone, the pass includes flights to LA, so I can come back. I found it (thanks, Todd!!) at the exact right moment, and I couldn't think of a single reason NOT to do it.

It is amazing how perfect things can be when you expect nothing and are open to everything.

[source]

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ amazing flight deals
~ friends around the country to visit
~ extra money opportunities
~ trust

xo! n.

PS- new Stratejoy post went up Wednesday - Check it out HERE

Week One

2010-08-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

My new place is starting to feel like home. I wake up to sunshine at 9am, make coffee, run into roommates, laugh, go about my day. I sit outside on the porch. I write a lot because there are fewer distractions (I'm not even sure how to turn on the TV!) and my little desk-by-the-window setup is super conducive to creativity. Dogs barking, yard work, and a distant confused rooster lend a soundtrack to my days. My roommate & I made persimmon cookies & they taste like Christmas.

fresh-picked lemons with fresh-baked cookies on our porch

Life is good.

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ comfort
~ new friends
~ cool weather

xo! n.

PS- my second post is up on Stratejoy!! Check it out here.

Notes From the Edge

2010-08-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

My first post is up at Stratejoy! Check it out here.

The Sweet Spot

2010-08-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have a new home.

Its walls are a lovely lavender and its creaky hardwood floor can finally breathe after years of being smothered by carpet. It has beautiful big windows whose frames I painted bright turqouise to bring the sky in, and through which leafy green branches peek in. I have a simple desk in front of the window so the hills and palms and hummingbirds in the lemon tree can inspire me everyday.

The rest of the house looks like a frat, but I am in domestic heaven.

I haven't put together my little porch garden I told you about yet, but I did take cuttings from two of the succulents outside (LOVE succulents!) and put them in cute pots on my desk. I hope they root & grow.

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ a sweet spot for creating
~ self-sufficient gardens
~ feeling at home

xo! n.

JOY... ya dig?

2010-07-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

So, a few weeks ago I mentioned, in teensy tiny little print, that I had a HUGE announcement to make... and then I never made it. Whoops. I was so excited, and so, well, overwhelmed, that I commented on Facebook and told all my friends and never actually got around to posting on here. So, some of you already know this, but for the rest of you, here goes...

I have been chosen as a Season 3 guest writer for the brilliant website, Stratejoy!

Those of you that know me in person, or those of you that have been reading this for a while, know that I've gone through a few whopping breakdowns and major life changes in the last few months... ok, years. I like to call this my Quarterlife Crisis, and it generally makes me feel like a big, bad, good-for-nothing mess of a loser. Well, guess what? I'm not as alone as I thought I was.

Stratejoy is a company created to help women in their 20s & 30s, specifically (though I think anyone of any age can benefit from it), get through their Quarterlife Crises. It's a "tribe of gutsy girls" who are willing to delve into the tough stuff, the questions like "what do I want out of life," and face their fears to come out on the other side happy, whole, and with a game plan. It's literally Strategies For Joy.

So, you may be wondering - um, hello, self-proclaimed mess of a loser, what makes you fit to write for this site? You can't even get your own shit together; how are you going to help others do it? no, you weren't wondering that? well, the devil's advocate in my brain was, so I'm gonna answer it anyway.

That's the beauty of it. Because I'm going through it myself, I can help others get through it too, and show them they're not alone. It gives a purpose to this crisis outside of my own personal growth.

And, I'm super excited to have even MORE reasons to write, which I love to do and had let myself stop for years. So I hope you all will follow me on Stratejoy, as you do here and on Escape Hatcher, and that you'll also read what the other 5 AMAZING women I will be writing with have to say. And, if all this Quarterlife Crisis talk sounds parallel to your own life, please check out The Joy Equation - I'm starting it this week and think it's going to do me heaps of good.

I can't tell you how excited (and grateful & happy) I am for this opportunity and for how it will help me grow! See you on the other side of this QLC!

xo! n.

In with the popular kids

2010-07-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

Last night I took a chance and went to a Hollywood philosophy club meeting. I didn't know anyone there; I was invited by a guy I met for about 5 minutes on set. I've been terrible the past few years about going out to things alone - if no one will come with me, I usually make up some excuse for not going. I know, it's terrible. But since I've recently decided I have nothing to lose in LA and am trying to live fully and say YES to opportunities, I went with an open mind.

At first, I felt like I was 16 again, tagging along to a "cool kids" party. Everyone was so stylish and Hollywood and skinny. They all knew each other. I was reminded of the high school kid I used to be, who shopped at thrift stores to have a style of her own so she wouldn't be compared to the popular girls and protected herself from rejection with dry humor. I was sitting there, self-concious, in her figurative Doc Martens again.

And then I remembered that I'm NOT that girl. I'm a woman who has lived and loved and made friends all over the world, and I'm good with who I am. I may not be LA-perfect, but I have a lot to offer. And so I smiled, and I introduced myself, and I made conversation, and I was comfortable and I made friends. And, as usual, everyone was really nice and I had a great time.

Sometimes I just need to have a little more faith in myself.

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ new friends
~ owning who I am
~ saying yes with an open mind

xo! n.

[photo source]

2months 2make it

2010-07-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it's like middle school up in that title. (U R 2 cute 2 B 4gotten!)

My friends are amazing - especially the kick-ass Sarah, whose couch I've been on for a full 2 weeks now - for letting me crash with them, but my back and neck are starting to feel the effects of couch springs & flat pillows, and I'm kinda over living out of a suitcase.

not me. [source]

I've decided, if you couldn't tell by that last post, to give this industry & city one more chance. One more chance to put me in movies, one more chance to bring me some happiness. Do you like how I'm putting the pressure on them, not on myself? :) I'm still wary of committing to a full year in LA, but I've decided to stick around for two months & see what happens, see how I feel. No, I'm not expecting to book something crazy big in that short time period, but I would like to get an agent, start auditioning again, and feel good about it all. If I'm still miserable, I don't want to be stuck here. If things are going well, I can stay longer.

I already know that if this doesn't work out, I can still be happy. I've already come to terms with creating in other ways. So I have nothing to lose.

Therefore, in an effort to ditch the suitcase & settle myself for a little bit (I am a Taurus after all, I need a home space), I have found a two month sublet! It's a room in a house in Eagle Rock, and it's got enough closet space that I can keep all my boxes there. The house is very bachelor-pad-messy but it's got a yard (wha!) with lemon tree (what!!) and a hammock (WHAT!!) and a back porch that stretches under my window, and I'm already imagining flowerpots and herb plants that I can see from my desk.

not my garden... but it could be! [source]

The people seem nice, the price is right, and if I like it there, I can stay longer. So that just suits me fine for now. In a week, I will have a place from which to take life one day at a time...

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ free couches
~ new places
~ nothing to lose

xo! n.

The YES Factor

2010-07-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

New Escape Hatcher post up! Read it here.

Sometimes it's terrifying when plans change but saying YES to the unexpected can lead you to things that are better than you ever could've planned. Let go & say yes!

xo! n.

[source]

My True Hollywood Story

2010-07-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

I asked for the strength to trust. I asked for the Universe to make it clear. I asked for life to be better than I can imagine. I got what I asked for.

Arriving on set Friday, I was led to my trailer - yes, my own trailer with my character name on the door, a full couch, microwave, TV, DVD player, refrigerator, vanity, and full bathroom with a shower. As the AD closed the door, saying "I'll be back in a few minutes to take you to hair and makeup," I had a silent freak out, mouthing OH MY GOD and jumping up and down as quietly as possible, giggling uncontrollably. I am here. I am actually here.

I went to hair and makeup, meeting the awesome ladies there, talking and silently going over my sides while in the chair. Then to rehearsal where I met the male lead and the director - somehow not feeling the butterflies I'd expected, somehow feeling calm and confident. We set my marks & then it was lunch, touch-ups in hair & makeup, and getting into costume. I took advantage of the floor space & full-length mirror in my trailer, practicing my lines & setting my own marks for the props I had to use, until I felt comfortable. Then to set, where of course it's "hurry up and wait." I sat in the director's chairs marked "cast" and made friends with everyone who came by. I was just loving being there.

NOT where we were filming {source}

We started filming with the end of my scene. I got two more lines. After a couple takes, in the interim, the director came up to me and said (paraphrased): "Can I be honest with you?"
Me (nervous, but smiling): "Please do."
     "You are the only person in this cast that I did not handpick. You are the only wild card. This is my life; making movies is my passion, and this is a good movie. You're in a good movie, do you know that?"
     "Yes. And I'm so happy to be here."
   "Well I've been watching you, and... you're talented. You're doing good work. So keep it up."
     "Thank you. I will." And then I fainted.
No, just kidding. But after the next take, I did, off-camera & away from everyone, do a silent little happy dance. And I realized in that moment this is where I'm meant to be. I can do this. I'm good at this. And I haven't felt that way in a long, long time.

We filmed all day. I spent a lot of time talking to the other actors, the two leads, who were friendly and interesting and treated me completely as an equal. By the time we got to the bulk of my lines, it was 1am and everyone was exhausted - no one had patience for the new girl, the "wild card" to mess around with multiple takes of the scene. This was it - my trial by fire. I had to hit it. Without getting into too much technical detail, I was put into a relatively complicated setup involving multiple marks. A few years ago, I might not've been able to handle it & they'd have had to do lots of takes or break the scene down into smaller, more manageable pieces.

The pressure was on. I wasn't even nervous. I hit all my marks, took my direction, and we only had to do 4 takes. I killed it. Drove home that night buzzing with adrenaline and unable to shake that feeling, that quiet, insistent voice in my head: this is what I've worked my whole life for. This is what I should be doing.

A film set, NOT our set. {source}

Production had the weekend off. I was back on set bright and early Monday morning, greeting everyone with a smile and getting smiles in return. I walked on set for rehearsal and got a huge hug from the director. During some of the plentiful downtime, chatting with the male lead, he suddenly turned to me and said, "you were really good on Friday. Really good work. It was remarked on multiple times by multiple people." All I could choke out through my all-consuming smile was a shaky "thank you."

Later, I met one of the producers, who is the main reason I'm even in the film. He insisted the set photographer get a picture of us together and we had a nice long chat. He's the only one who knows I was planning to leave LA & he just looked at me and quietly said, "I hear you're doing a good job; I think you'd better stay." At lunch, he and one of the other producers invited me to sit with them and told me they want to arrange a meeting for me with a big casting director; they want her to meet me. I sputtered out, "that would be amazing, thank you." Then the director sat down & asked me about myself. I told him, we reminisced about the Southeast, and then he told me, very seriously, "I don't bother with untalented people. You are talented. And on top of that, you have a great attitude. I want to keep in touch when this is over." Is there a better complement in this town? I don't think so.

Back on set, we filmed, I ran back and forth as my nervous secretary character, and lost a shoe at one point, which is my only chance at the blooper reel. The director introduced me to a lot of the people on set and "psssss"d me over during filming to watch the monitor. The film looks beautiful.

At the end of the day, the director gave me his contact information and a big hug, and I floated away thinking, if I had imagined this day, I would have giggled at myself because it's just too much good stuff to happen at once. But it did happen. And I was ready for it.

People say, "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." I am at that intersection and I am infinitely lucky to be here. All the years of classes and feeling like I was throwing money away have paid off in this moment. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, I did this film and I did it well. I have that to be proud of.

So, I might not be moving away just yet after all. Maybe I just needed to realize that I don't need this in order to fully accept it. Maybe I will stop planning and just see where this goes. Los Angeles, you've made a hell of a convincing argument...

L.A. on a great day. {source}

Today I am just so dang happy and grateful.

xo! n.

man oh man.

2010-07-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

LA is really making it hard to leave.

I've been back for about a week now, slumber-partying on the couches of my lovely and tolerant friends, puttering about aimlessly like a bored kid on summer vacation. My scenes in "Atlas" were scheduled to film yesterday and today, but at the last minute were rescheduled for Friday and Saturday so plans have changed yet again. I am completely and utterly in limbo. Completely and utterly at the scheduling mercy of an industry I thought I had finally pried myself free from.

And today, after my friend C showed me some of his favorite places in LA - all in the part of LA that is so me, the part I would probably have lived if I'd come to LA on my own - I heard from some friends that they're producing a play & would like me to be involved. Suddenly I'm thinking of a little house in Eagle Rock with a hammock and garden, in walking distance to coffee houses & vintage shops, doing Shakespeare again and getting a day job with an event or production company. Suddenly I feel like I've been being melodramatic with all this moving talk and hey, why DO these opportunities keep coming up? Is the universe trying to tell me something?

me, on a literal path, thinking of my figurative path ~so philosophical... (taken by C)

But the truth is, I haven't liked who I am in LA. I don't like the way this city & this industry in this city makes me feel about myself. I will never be talented enough, pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough... for LA. And I realize that's my faulty thinking, not a fault of this place, but I don't think it's something that can be easily fixed.

C took me today to an ashram, up in the mountains, overlooking the whole city. It's hot as hell today but actually quite clear, so we could see the skyline of Los Angeles, almost all the way out to the ocean. I never dreamed it could smell so delicious, so near the heart of LA, as it does in their garden. We literally stopped to smell the roses. At the ashram, there is a well where a famous yogi used to meditate, and you're encouraged to make a wish. I know you're not supposed to tell your wishes for fear they won't come true, but I'm going to share mine with you...

me at the ashram, smelling a lotus (taken by C)

I wished for the faith to trust where my life is leading me, and that it will lead me to better things than I could even imagine. Immediately, I felt a lightness, a calm joy, and I knew everything would be ok.

I don't know where I'm headed and it stresses me out, but I'm trying to just trust and take it day by day. This is a scary time in my life, and yet, I'm positive I'm one day going to look back on it as one of the most amazing times of my life. I just gotta appreciate it for what it is. And trust.

Deeeeeep breath.

Today I am so happy & grateful for:
~ sundresses on hot days
~ coffee shops with outdoor wifi
~ comfortable couches
~ flowers

xo! n.

Don't Worry...

2010-07-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

New Escape Hatcher post up! Read it here.

from weheartit.com

I've been feeling bad about the good things and letting myself stress when I want to be enjoying things. Do you ever catch yourself worrying when you should be happy?

xo! n.

purple mountains majesty

2010-07-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

Last day of my little CA vacation, first day of the vacation-ish big unknown that is my life for the next two months...

Mom and I had a fantastic 4th of July. It involved no fireworks, no BBQs and hardly any drinking, but there was nothing un-American about it. We went kayaking off the Santa Barbara coast (we wanted to kayak the Channel Islands, but all the tours were booked up. It was beautiful anyway) and then horseback riding up into the mountains. Then we had dinner at a little Thai restaurant where we overheard our server say she'd just gotten back from Thailand that morning! The next day, we drove out to Joshua Tree and have been hiking in the national park for the last two days. It is just beautiful here... massive and impressive. And wild. We stumbled across Native American cave art! Not roped off, no signs or anything, we were the only ones around & I literally did a double-take. And so much wildlife - a herd of mountain bighorns (goats?), lots of scurrying lizards, chipmunks, and teensy birds, and even a long-eared rabbit, hiding under a palm. It's peaceful here... though I couldn't live here, it kind of makes it hard to go back to the high-beam LA energy...

I have to be back in LA by 11am for a costume fitting for the movie tomorrow, so we're going to have an early night tonight & get up and on the road before any human should have to be awake. Which is exciting and sucky all at the same time. Then Mom leaves Friday, and it's couch-hopping for me...

Oh BUT I have some very, very awesome news! ...that I can't share with you just yet. And nope, it's nothing any of you will guess so just consider this your cliffhanger... :)

I am so happy and grateful for:
~ the calm of the desert
~ air conditioning
~ being safe in our room & not out under Joshua Tree boulders when today's earthquake hit!
~ opportunities for honesty and connection

xo! n.

Summer Lovin'

2010-07-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

My mom and I are on the California coast. We've driven past America's amber waves of grain as they undulate over mountains to strikingly contrast the western blue sky. Low, lush acres of spinach fields blur by, and squatty orange trees follow twisting grapevines like old men with arthritic backs. We chase the Pacific ocean as it endlessly rolls in and out.

Winery after winery beckoned us like the sirens of drunk driving in Paso Robles. We watched kiteboarders literally fly in San Simeon. Hearst Castle made us nostagic for times we never lived in, yet assured us of our own good taste. The cold pacific wind teased my skirt so passing motorists might catch a glimpse of my non-matching panties along the Cambria coast. San Luis Obispo made us lovesick with the scent of lavender and wary of the kids smoking pot next to us as we picnicked in the park. The sun caught us as we biked along the beach in Santa Barbara and we went to bed red and itchy, but achy in a good way. A fourth of july parade cartwheeled and sputtered down the streets of Carpinteria to welcome us to town. We've window-shopped to appease the nesting birds inside us; we've sat in the sun with glasses of wine and comfortable conversation; we've slept to the freeway's lullaby. We've spent many hours in the car, under the watchful guard of flagpole-thin palms, leaning slightly to the west as if willing the ocean to speak.

We are dangling our feet off the edge of the world.

Santa Barbara coast

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ mom
~ sun
~ bikes
~ love

xo! n.

we need to talk...

2010-06-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

Oh Los Angeles, why do you taunt me so?

You gave me a terrible, sweaty, bumper-to-bumper afternoon, wherein you reminded me oh so clearly why I hate you, and why I want to leave. You took the form of the rudest human alive and denied me parking, evoking memories of many, many times past where, similarly, I've driven a very long way, sharing the road with people who are either drunk or "special" or too busy on their iphones to bother holding the steering wheel, only to find that for some reason, I can't do what I came there to do, and therefore have to turn around and sit still in a running car for hours all over again. I want to punch you in your eyeball. (would that be the Griffith Observatory?)

But then you turned around and gave me that million-dollar smile of yours, with your crooked Hollywood-sign teeth, and presented me with a sunset picnic bordered by nubby-blanket mountains and no mosquitoes. You lured me with an outdoor amphitheater and well-done, real, funny Shakespeare - you know that gets me every time! - and a group of artists that are unpretentious and talented. You gave me a perfect evening and wrapped me up in those movie-deal, concerts-at-the-bowl, everyone's-creative arms of yours, and I just want to kiss you on the mouth. (would that be Ryan Seacrest? ugh.)

Let me go or let me love you, LA; I just can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore.

xo, n.

Just a quick little hi there

2010-06-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our second installment of Unstill Life and I sold three more pieces with one special order! The evening was fantastic & even though I got waaaay more nervous about singing because in this venue we actually had a stage with an audience (and I messed up the lyrics once), I felt really good about my performances. I even had a couple strangers tell me that they really enjoyed it; one girl even said it was her favorite part of the night!!

Chick putting final touches on her art display

So that was success. I am so very proud of us for making this happen.

Tomorrow my momma gets into town and we have to pack up all my stuff so that Jamey can move into my room as planned. I've had a lot of anxiety about the next month - having my plans change so unexpectedly - BUT they're changing for a good reason so I'm just going to enjoy it. Since I can't start my road trip yet, Mom & I are going to spend two weeks vacationing and having adventures in California. Stay tuned to hear all about it...

Today I'm so grateful & happy for:
~ selling art!
~ my amazing fellow Side Work artists
~ momma coming into town

xo! n.

My Unstill Life

2010-06-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the first gallery showing of my art, attended by friends and strangers (and an occasional bum off the street), under the crooked smile of the Hollywood sign.

We didn't make much money, but it was one of the most beautiful things I've done; watching my talented friends perform with the backdrop of paintings and sculptures as people wandered in, curious, and stood smiling & transfixed, will forever be a happy memory. A lot of friends showed up - a few bringing friends - and even a few people I hadn't seen in years, which was a great surprise. The reaction to the show was all positive and Teeter & I each sold a piece.

And I sang!! I did it. I faced my fear and stood up in front of a roomful of people and sang, loud, backed only by a acoustic guitar and trumpet (yes, trumpet - another one of Jamey's unexpected talents). I was so nervous I couldn't open my eyes on the first go round, but after a audience-less rehearsal (and a glass of wine) I felt much more confident & just had fun with it. And I got a lot of positive feedback! It was such an amazing experience.

That's me! (accompanied by John on guitar & Jamey on trumpet) And my art behind me.

For those of you in LA, you have one more chance to be a part of this Side Work experience on Tuesday from 5pm to midnight - and at the world-famous Magic Castle, no less! Check it out here.

Today I am so grateful and happy for:
~ all the friends that came out to support us last night
~ selling some art!
~ facing an old fear - and feeling great about it
~ making amazing things happen

xo! n.

Overwhelmed.

2010-06-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have so much to write about I don't even know where to begin.

Maybe I should start with my friend Lauren's visit from Australia and how excited she got over the prices of everything ("everything's hell cheap here!!") and driving into the 90210. How we went out to a gay club in WeHo for monster sweet tea vodka cocktails and were the only girls gawking at the half-naked guys dancing on the bar, and how the next morning, hungover, we went out for her first American pizza. How we threw her a movie-style Frat party, complete with keg, toilet-papered bushes, and an all-night game of flip cup. How much fun it was having her around, and how I considered my sightseeing with her a bit of a goodbye LA for me.

Or maybe I need to tell you that we had to put Chick's sweet kitten Gumshoe to sleep; the news hit us like a stab in the back, completely unexpected, he had kidney failure and a mass in his abdomen. He was only 2 months old. The house feels so empty without him hopping around like a little bunny, sunning in the windowsill, or going all cutest monster on our toes with his tiny snake-mouth teeth. Some things just aren't fair, but he certainly was smothered with love from us, and we miss him.

Or maybe I should bypass the sad stuff and describe how our house is buzzing with creativity in preparation for our art show, Unstill Life, in Hollywood tomorrow. If any of you are in LA, please come by and check out the show - there's tons of original art, from paintings to sculptures to video, even an interactive exhibit, and there'll be live performances and free wine and cheese! Here's the information for our Friday show: Side Work Presents: Unstill Life. And our Tuesday show at the Magic Castle: Unstill Life at the Castle.

Or maybe I should try not to sound like an advertisement (sorry, I'm excited!) and just get to the big news...

I've been cast in Atlas Shrugged. It's a movie adaptation of the Ayn Rand book and I'm a real character with a name and lines. I'm stunned.

I found out on the same day that I sold all my furniture; I am literally sleeping on a mattress (sold, just not picked up yet) on the floor surrounded by boxes in a room someone else is moving into in two weeks. Have you ever heard that when you let go of something, it happens? Well, that is the damn truth. I've been working hard, waiting for an opportunity like this for 6 years, and just when I finally decide I'm ok without it & will be happier doing something else, here it is, slamming into my life like a pie in the face - I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but it sure does stop me in my tracks.

Filming has started, but they think they won't need me until July, so that postpones my road trip and move home indefinitely. I have mixed feelings about that; I want to do the movie (I'd be crazy not to!) and at the same time, I just want to go ahead & get on the road. I was all prepared to move, to start new, and now this almost feels like the past has reached out and grabbed me by the back of the neck. Don't get me wrong, I'm estatic for this opportunity & experience, and I'm so very grateful for it. I guess it just goes to show you can't plan your life, you just have to accept it as it comes...

On top of all that, it is effing cool to see my name in Variety!!! Check it out: Cameras roll on 'Atlas'

Today I am SO incredibly happy & grateful for:
~ having Gumshoe & giving him a good, loved life
~ hanging out & being crazy with Loz from Oz
~ letting go
~ being creative & productive
~ unexpected opportunities
~ the biggest acting job I've ever gotten
~ making myself happy - everything else just falls into place

xo! n.

Want It.

2010-06-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm so sorry I've been absent. My friend Lauren was visiting from Australia (you may remember her from my Awesome Festival entries) and I'm working on a new project with Side Work that opens next week - yikes! I'll be back to posting more regularly soon, but for now...

New Escape Hatcher post up! Can't is just a word we cage ourselves with. What if you stopped using it?

Read it here.

xo! n.

[source]

Just One Thing

2010-06-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

New Escape Hatcher post! Read it here.

[source]

If the way you do one thing is the way you do everything, what can you change to live the life you want?

xo! n.

Fearless.

2010-05-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made a big step toward conquering an old fear.

Since I was a kid, I've sung in choirs, but I've never never sung a solo. In middle school I auditioned for "Oklahoma" - I said, "I'm an alto" and then opened my mouth & the highest, beyond soprano, quavering, most terrified voice came out and embarrassed everyone in the room. Later, my college boyfriend and his roommates (Teeter & Chick, funnily enough) were recording a Christmas album and he offered for me to sing one song on it. I had a breakdown. I cried, I cussed, I freaked out. I didn't want to listen to my own voice and I didn't like the sound coming out of me or the nervous cold sweat I broke out into. Even though it turned out ok, I made them promise to not include it on the regular CD, only a special "gold edition," and every Christmas when my parents put it on, I get red & flustered and anxious.

Despite all that, I LOVE music and I've always said that one thing on my life list is: Perform a solo song for an audience. And be confident about it. Get over this dang stupid fear.

Last night, at our Side Work meeting (for those of you that don't know, Side Work is an artists collective & one of the things I'm most proud of in my life - you can read about it here) I announced that in our next show, I might want to sing. And then, at their urging, despite stomach churning & sweaty brow, I sang. And we had an impromptu jam session with Jamey & Johnny picking up instruments & Teeter using a bag of chips as maracas.

And it was awesome.

I want to perform with the confidence & style of Jenny Lewis [source]

In a couple of weeks, I'm going to sing in front of a lot of people. Some friends, some strangers. I'm going to dance and sing and enjoy it, and I'm going to put this fear to rest. I'm going to cross it off my list. Who's with me? What fear can you conquer in June?

Today I am so happy and grateful for:
~ support
~ being ready
~ inspiration

xo! n.

Temporarily Out of Order

2010-05-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been missing for the past 10 days - wow, has it been that long? I've been super busy making money, which is definitely a good thing, although exhausting. I worked sixteen hours the other day!

I've been working on the Warner Brothers Studio lot, helping with production of some big events during their International Week. I've been doing everything from placing/decorating buffets to working with security to make sure only those on the guest list have access, to golf-carting executives around the studio, to making sure the event photographers get the money shots. A leg up from PA work, technically logistics, basically an assistant stage manager. And as stressful as it is, I've actually really enjoyed it. Events, especially those of this scale (BIG budget) are just like theatre & as crew, you operate the same way. I love it. Maybe after I travel the world working arts festivals, I'll go into SMing events... (Chick, are you listening...?)

Though my feet sure are tired.

weheartit.com

It was an amazing event. There were parades, shirtless cowboys serving shots, a jug band & can-can dancers on the back of a pickup truck, aerialists, fire-eaters, a burlesque show, a ferris wheel and merry-go-round, costumed performers interacting with the guests, fireworks and little person bartenders. Definitely the coolest event I've ever been to, let alone been a part of. Unfortunately, since I was working, I couldn't get any pictures. Waaa waaahhhh...

Not much else is going on. My friend Loz from Australia is coming to stay with me for a week starting Monday, so that will be awesome. Until then... sleep.

oh and ps - speaking of, the memorial day fair is setting up in the park outside our house! It comes every year at this time but we always forget about it & therefore are always surprised when we see the carnival lights flashing above the trees...

Today I am so grateful & happy for:
~ overtime
~ free food
~ being part of an incredible event
~ a purring kitten on my lap

xo! n.